#1275 – The Expat Files: Happiness, Taxes, and Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright back in a real world studio again with a nice mic and today well I Have a ton of emails that I have to get to so we'll start with that But first just a little something I came across about the topic of happiness because you know people talk about happiness in Latin America

[00:51] How it tops the charts and beats the hell out of first world people in their so-called version of happiness Million-dollar question is how could such poor folks be so happy? Anyway, I ran across this article. It says in 1974 economists Richard Easterland showed that greater income was associated with greater happiness for individuals But not so at the aggregate national level Oddly enough rich countries are not happier than poor countries Just the reverse and therein lies the so-called Easterland paradox where wealthier individuals are generally happier But wealthier nations are not In other words, he proved that if you have dough and you live in a shithole country You'll be a lot happier than if you have dough and you live in a first world country That is a paradox, isn't it? So in effect the late rapper the notorious

[01:40] B.I.G. Remember that guy that obese rapper with the gold grill and that 10-word vocabulary He was completely correct with the title of his hit song quote mo money mo problems Well, that's certainly true in the first world, but not necessarily true Down here in third world Latin America. So then what about people who win the lottery? Well, the article goes out to say more recent studies have documented an increase in life Satisfaction for recent lottery winners at least for the first few years, but the study shows for lottery winners There's not a corresponding increase in happiness just life satisfaction temporarily that is Of course most of us secretly like to hear stats like that because we're not lottery winners We don't want to hear that lottery winners are extremely happy. Do we because we nor do people we know when the lottery by the way

[02:32] Everybody knows that the US levied its federal income tax in 1913 as a temporary measure. It was the 16th Amendment Yeah, right as economist Nobel laureate Milton Freeman said nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program So anyway 1913 was a terrible year The 16th Amendment levying federal income taxes and the creation of the Federal Reserve double whammy, huh? But here's what you didn't know in Canada. They also levied a temporary income tax back in 1917 a couple of years after the states and that temporary income tax never went away It just got worse and worse and worse But the average Canadian in the 65% tax bracket when all taxes provincial and otherwise are considered

[03:21] That means the average Canadian works as a slave for the government till about September 1st of every year Now, of course the average Americans only in about the 50% tax bracket all taxes state federal and local considered What a gift huh ever ask yourself? Just what do I get for that? How about massive bureaucracy in a huge corrupt welfare state? So US citizens pay about 50% of their income to the government That means you guys are only tax slaves working for the government till around July 1st of every year Once in a while, you know, I get into discussions with people about this US taxation thing when I say your tax at 50% or more They don't believe it. They always cite the federal tax bracket. They're in as if that's the only tax that counts That's why I put together a little cheat sheet that shows all the taxes and fees

[04:09] Commissions and levies you pay the government to prove that point if you want a copy of that Send me an email the expert files at gmail.com. Oh and just one more thing before we get to those emails It's a little news about banking and money and ATMs here in Latin America Now, I don't know if this kind of stuff happens up in the first world up in the US But it might it seems like every couple of weeks or so down here. Anyway, someone robs an ATM machine Well, it's usually not just one guy It's a couple of guys sometimes even rip it out of the wall in a mall or a cubby hole on the street You know where they have those things and they haul it off somewhere to take it apart However, they do it sounds like a lot of work. Sometimes they get caught sometimes they don't but here's the thing There's so much of that going on here in Latin America that the ATM companies are now planting

[04:55] Trip switches in the ATMs like they do in pinball machines, you know, you hit it or move it too much tilts game over So anyway down here in Latin America ATM companies are putting in their version of tilt switches in their machines When activated the money gets sprayed with a colored dye, but so what right? It's still money still spendable. Well, listen to this News just this week coming out of Ecuador. It says the Association de Bancos Privados That's the private bank association is warning citizens and businesses not to accept or change money that stained or inked Stained money will be treated as stolen money. Even if you didn't steal it yourself. It will be confiscated It says banking institutions have agreed not to take these bills Treating them as invalid it says in fact

[05:41] They've got a system that was implemented in 2021 to spray the bills with ink for the 4800 ATMs in Ecuador It says you can identify these bills if you have them because there's a violet green blue or black ink stain That extend from the edges of the bill to the center The ink it says is non-toxic but permanent and can't be washed off or removed by any substance or process So if you got one or more of those bills, you certainly got it legally But beware some people won't take them in and certainly banks won't by the way I understand those bills do have some resale value if you go to one of the big markets You know those chaotic gigantic food and produce markets rumor has it there's always someone there That'll take those bills for less than face value. Maybe a lot less. Who knows?

[06:30] By the way, you expats and gringos. Have you seen any of those inked bills around just wondering I have I've seen one or two By the way, I noticed recently you probably have to there are a lot of expat rags Talking about the marvels and wonders of living in Europe, especially places like Spain, Italy and Portugal and of course, Eastern Europe Lithuania Romania Poland Hungary, etc even Twikey Personally, I can't see why anyone would want to have their plan be in Europe, but that's just me Lots of problems. The EU is even more broke than the US Muslim Christian and Jewish hatred everywhere. The illegal problem is horrendous Some little town cities and barrios are completely Muslim and the police won't even go in and I'm talking about countries that are historic and beautiful

[07:16] France Italy Spain England people from the Middle East keep sneaking in and boats from Africa are pouring in In fact, the last time I was there not so long ago. I went to the top of the rocket Gibraltar Have you ever done it, you know, this the tightest closest span between Africa and Europe When I was up there sitting in a little cafe just for an hour or so I saw two overstuffed boatloads of Africans illegal refugees Of course making their way towards Spain or Italy or anywhere their boat would take them to on the European mainland But still most expat rags are telling you how wonderful it would be to live in Spain Portugal Italy Even Dubai, etc. Etc. But what they don't tell you is taxes in Europe are higher than the US Especially if you're a working person Did you know that if you're self-employed or you run your own business in any European country 20-something countries that is

[08:08] Did you know if you're self-employed that is you run your own business? Just like in the US or Canada you have to pay into the social security system If you live and work there and have a business you'll pay 25% into their social security system their FICA Now, of course, if you're self-employed in the States, it's around 15% which is killer anyway, but just imagine paying 25% you know, I've been to Europe before and after kovat and this last time I had a long talk with a taxi driver in Spain I was in his car for about an hour By the way, he was driving a hybrid Toyota rav4. How about that? Wasn't his of course. It was the leasing companies. He said practically no taxi driver can afford its own taxi In fact, he told me the average taxi driver makes about 2,000 euros a month

[08:55] That's about 2,200 US dollars a month if he made that kind of money in the states He'd be at the edge of poverty. He said in Spain a decent apartment starts at 1,500 euros a month So no one no taxi driver that is can afford to have his own decent apartment Oh a crappy one in a barrio or a slum, but not a decent apartment So he says he rooms with two other taxi drivers They pay 2,000 a month between them and he said they never can get ahead They never can save enough to own their own taxis or own their own houses So what's that mean for a gringo expat? Well, if you got loads of money, that's okay You can move to Europe and live just fine Just like the retirement rags tell you but if you're planning on retiring on just the average social security check of 15 to maybe

[09:41] 1,800 bucks a month you're in the same boat even a bit worse than the taxi driver. I was talking about however, and I hate repeating this once again on 15 to $1,800 a month if you're single you could live an absolute first-world lifestyle in Latin America Provided you don't live on or near the gringo tourist trail, but you knew that already, right? All right. Let's get to those emails. This one's from Jeffrey with a G You know that British Jeffrey Joffrey he says Johnny love the show Everyone talks about the good life and how to get there Well for me the key to life the good life that is is eliminate stress. That's primary That's number one number two win the lottery number three move to a quiet low government Slightly chaotic country getaway in Latin America preferably in the boonies miles away from a big city

[10:26] If you can do all that and you will have a relaxed and stress-free life No, must no fuss, but like everything else that seems simple and easy It's much easier said than done as for me. Jeffrey with a G says So far that plans working for me except I haven't won the lottery yet Alright Jeffrey with the G. Thanks for that By the way, I read his little emails because he mentioned the lottery and if you remember just a few shows ago I spoke about the crazy ass guys that sell a lottery tickets on every corner here in Latin America Are they legit or not? Who knows? I never met a real big winner. That's for sure That is I never knew a lottery winner here in Latin America But I knew a lottery winner who won the Canadian lottery for a while I was a good friend of that guy and was in business with him down in Costa Rica back in the late 90s

[11:16] You longtime listeners may have heard me tell part of that story He was a gym teacher slash ski instructor who hit the Canadian million dollar lottery Now you think because he was in his 30s in a college graduate He should have known a bit about finances, but he didn't well He got bad advice or took no advice at all So he became sort of a lottery cliche if you know what I mean rags to riches one big and nearly lost it all Or perhaps he was just financially illiterate like most of us are when we get out of high school even college He blew half that money within a year. He had friends and relatives hitting him up for loans He told me every time they went out for dinner with family and friends Everyone expected him to pay if not, there'd be some tension and he'd get the evil eye After all he was the rich guy and should share their wealth, right?

[12:02] He said he even had people come up to him in the grocery store people He went to high school with and hadn't seen for 15 years Just former acquaintances who now came on to him like best friends Then he did something really stupid followed one of his old dreams. He always wanted to open a restaurant though He never run one before So he opened one spent a lot of money and hired lots of his relatives because his mother put the pressure on him to do You know blood is thicker than water and all that that rarely ends Well, it certainly didn't for him which wiped out half of his remaining dough in the end him and his wife just picked up and left Canada moved to Costa Rica That's where I met him live next door to me at that point just three or four years after his win he only had 250 K left of More than a million and nothing to show for it except bruised and ruined friendships

[12:50] That's how he had his wife explained to me the consequences of being a lottery winner and you know, I asked him Would you rather have not won the lottery at all? She said probably not and he said well, I wouldn't go that far After all they ended up in Latin America and we're having a great time of it in Costa Rica Well, there's more to that story and I told little bits and pieces of it in previous shows Let's just say our friendship did not end well We were in business together and he was stealing from the till little by little. Yep I admit I have had bad luck with business partnerships here in Latin America I've had business partners four or five times and only one of them worked out well for me and believe it or not The good guy was a Latino the rest gringos and expats Exactly opposite of what you'd have thunk, huh? Oh, well, I'm still standing and some of those guys aren't

[13:38] Alright dig it into the email file. Here's one from slice is Johnny You've been talking a lot lately about mating and dating in Latin America and the Cupid sites as for me Johnny I always considered myself slightly above average in the looks department a solid seven and a half and one cleaned up and eight Different people have confirmed that to me as well Even so I've not been lucky in the love and romance department did a lot of bar hopping in the old days and in the end It wasn't good for me For example more times than I care to remember I'd go home from a bar at closing time at 2 with a 10 and I'd wake up the next morning at 10 with a 2 He says I've used tinder and there's us dating apps and I've learned to subtract two points from whatever her picture looks like They're always taking a hundred pictures and post the best one

[14:27] I look like a ten and a couple of my hundred pictures that I took as well So the ladies would be wise to subtract two points from my photo pic, too. You know what Johnny? I'm just tired of those apps swiping and swiping and swiping and swiping. I don't want to call it an addiction But it's close to it. By the way USA ladies He says a girl who's a six with an advanced degree is still a six Your education and your career have no bearing on your desirability to men Will happily date a nine who works at Starbucks over an astronaut? Who's a six? I? Know that comment won't sit well with the ladies, but Johnny the truth is the truth Anyhow, my question is the same one a guy wrote to you about a couple of shows ago When in Latin America and in the dating game, I'm worried about not having anything else in common except

[15:18] You know the sexual attraction thing Because honestly John even if she's a ten if you got nothing to talk about to the girl It'll get old something's got to give Alright sly in a word or a couple of words learn Spanish. I Said the very same thing to the guy who asked that question a few weeks ago You better learn more than kitchen Spanish or you will most likely Have nothing much to talk about except the weather and what's trending on tick tock what a revolt and development that would be Now as far as going home from a Latin American bar at 2 with a 10 and waking up at 10 the next day with a 2 Well for one thing down here in Latin America. You don't see many twos at all Most teenage 20 something 30 something even 40 something girls will spend their last peso up in their game at the beauty salon

[16:04] I'll tell you something and it's not much of a stretch Latinas in the meeting a dating game would rather spend their last dime at the beauty parlor than on a meal So for sure, you're almost always gonna see Latinas at their best, especially on weekends That includes school work and the grocery store. Yep. It's true I've known Latinas will spend a half hour getting made up for a five-minute run to the grocery store If you think American girls spend lots of money at the beauty parlors Latin American ladies will spend their last dime I mean their last dime to look good looking good is an absolute priority man The competition is fierce, too So again, as far as the possibility of waking up at 10 with a 2 I can only see that happening if you've been out with Captain Mango the night before and drinking what he's drinking

[16:49] All right now an email from Brutus. Do you think that's his real name Brutus? Anyway, Brutus says Johnny the convenience in my middle-class Atlanta neighborhood is wonderful I have dozens of restaurants nearby about a half dozen grocery stores including a few specializing in ethnic food and a large hospital in large mall within a few blocks It's not enough to keep me here though since I've been robbed on the street twice in the last year I'm not gonna tell you the ethnicity of the attackers that would get me canceled. I'll let you guess By the way Johnny people who never would have considered it before are starting to put up bars on their windows I'm 40 years old Johnny, and this is not the America I grew up in and definitely not the America my parents grew up in

[17:34] I'm putting together a nest egg right now for me and my wife looking forward to moving out of the country and enjoying the rest of our lives without Oppressive government without constant monitoring of everything we do I no longer want to witness the complete dumbing down of all the young people I meet I don't want my kid growing up in a world of mental midgets Though I realize he'll rise to the top in that kind of society. That's a small constellation I don't want to see it happen here in Atlanta people keep losing their jobs yet I keep looking at all the huge government buildings that keep on going up and the old ones that keep getting remodeled over and over again All that going on as the potholes my once nice neighborhood get bigger and bigger and whole sections of streetlights aren't working anymore What's going on are these people out of their minds?

[18:21] Needless to say I'm not proud of being American anymore, but sad the whole government bureaucratic machine is such a terrible waste of money and manpower I don't know if it's stupidity or an actual plan doesn't matter. I'm out I'm throwing in the towel give me two years John and me and my family will be south of the border for keeps Or as you put it south of south of the border. We'll be skipping Mexico. Thank you very much Enough of Mexico has already moved into the neighborhood Central America here. I come see ya when I get there Signed Brutus. All right, Brutus. Thanks for that little update on Atlanta. Come on Your parents didn't really name you Brutus. Did they did you get your ass kicked a lot as a kid? Did it toughen you up? I wonder anyway Brutus about the bars on the window thing

[19:07] You know when you move down to Latin America, you're gonna see that kind of thing everywhere except within gated guarded communities You know where the only entrances to a guard gate you got to sign in and all that. It's just the way it is It's always been like Even if you're in a really nice neighborhood and it's completely safe people will still put bars on their windows Lots of times though. It's just decoration really nice wrought iron work though. Most times especially in barrios It's for actual protection because you see here in Latin America certain lower classes of people do have very sticky fingers I'm speaking from personal experience since I've had a couple of cleaning ladies lift stuff from me Gardeners to funny thing though I'd say ever since the last 10 or 15 years since I've been installing high-quality cameras in and around the house I've had pretty much zero pill fridge

[19:53] So keep that in mind cameras are cheap In fact, if you're thinking about installing the latest greatest 4k or even 8k cameras Wow super high definition there I'll give you some tips makes and models and where to get the best deal Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com. By the way in the background Can you hear a little buzzer going off? It's going off about once a second if you can't hear it and I can That's because we just got hit with lightning storm, and I'm on battery backup No problem because I've got a battery backup system that'll last about 10 hours And now an email from an ornery gringo living in Latin America. He signs it ornery Orson He says Johnny. I've been living in Guatemala for a couple of years now. I've got my complaints, but I'll never leave I'm here for good. It's much better than the u.s. And most every way however

[20:41] There are some things that drive me nuts, so I'm writing you about the things that get on my nerves I'm not gonna whine about the usual suspects the bad roads the terrible drivers Manana time and workers who come in and make a huge mess and then leave Anyone who's lived down here knows about that and you talk about it on your show too for me It's the noise. I really have become aware of how this society Latin society has no awareness or consideration of other people's boundaries When it comes to sound and noise pollution especially when it comes to blasting music that others have no interest whatsoever in hearing Ornery Orson says I can take their roosters and the junk man yelling through a megaphone at 7 in the morning and I could take the lemon and mango and Avocado hawkers pushing their carts by the house at 7 a.m.. I get it. They're just trying to make a living

[21:28] But when it comes to just pure senseless noise There's an incredible sense of entitlement from a lot of macho fools who seem to think we want to hear their retarded music choices It's blasting out of cars and houses when you're walking through the park at the beach everywhere They always seem to have it cranked up at full value. It's not just the music either Idiot macho fools modify their cars trucks motorcycles etc with high-powered stereos and extra loud exhaust pipes They take every opportunity to make it sound louder than the next fool's noisy piece of junk. I just don't get it They've got these big-ass expensive stereos in these rusted out pieces of junk, too It doesn't make sense some stereos are worth more than the car itself not to me

[22:13] But to someone where she had the icing on the cake the neon rims and the turn signal light show The brain size of these epic macho fools must be microscopic. I mean really Johnny What's more ridiculous than taking a Honda Civic Nissan Centra or a Kia Picanto? Jacking it up outfitting it with spoilers and chrome rims and a stereo that fills the entire backseat that rattles your windows when it rolls By only a Latin American P brain or a US ghetto retard would do that Just who are they trying to impress but other like-minded soon-to-be-deaf pinheads? I repeat Johnny I don't get it sometimes at 1 o'clock in the morning I'll be laying in bed or walking the dog and my sort of middle-class Latin neighborhood Sometimes after midnight. I'll take some time to look up at the stars. It's great. Have you tried it?

[23:03] you can really see millions of them when you're south of the border and Just when I'm having a spectacular moment looking up at the stars I'll hear some a-hole on a motorcycle approaching in the far distance Revving it up flooring it going all out just for the noise effect at one or two in the morning Good job. I don't carry a gun signed Ornery Orson. Well, mr. Oh, mr. Double-O that is I Can tell you there's lots of gringles and expats with a love-hate relationship with Latin America, but they'll never leave either Nothing's perfect right? There's the good the bad the ugly and the great now, where have I heard that before? There's things I absolutely hate about Latin America, too Sometimes the noise pollution does get to me

[23:48] But none of that stuff in any way equals the disdain I have for what's happened in America over the last 10 or 20 years And the absolute disgust I have for American politicians. Yep. Double-O. I'm with you. I'm glad I'm not packing a rod either The thing is, you know, there are noise ordinances and laws throughout Latin America. The problem is though They're only enforced in the nicer neighborhoods Fact is if you're in a really nice neighborhood and you got your trunk open blasting your boombox The cops will stop you and give you a fine. I've seen it done I know I know it sounds so crazy in a regular poor or middle-class neighborhood They won't stop a car going through a red light or an idiot motorcyclist going the wrong way down a one-way street But in a high-end neighborhood if the music's too loud and a neighbor calls the cops the cops will show up

[24:36] Knock on the door and tell you to pipe down or else though. That'll never happen in a bar You're a middle-class neighborhood. I've seen it happen in upscale parties and fiestas myself I've also been to parties and body o's at 2 in the morning where you could go deaf and There isn't a thing in the world that'll stop the noise So just note that if you move into Latin America the better the neighborhood the more guaranteed peace and quiet you'll have By the way Another thing you might want to know is that if you live in a high-end neighborhood or an upper middle-class or even wealthy neighborhood You'll never hear a chicken bus ripped by Somehow the wealthier neighborhoods and subdivisions have worked it out so that chicken buses never get too close to or have bus stops nearby Though of course in some really big gated guarded communities oftentimes will be a bus stop right outside

[25:23] The main entrance road that goes past the guard shack After all there has to be a stop close by to drop off all the workers that will enter That community in the morning to do their jobs cleaning ladies gardeners maintenance guys That means there'll be lots of action and lots of noise on that main road But once you're past the guard station, it's like you're on a different planet wide roads good lighting nice landscaping No traffic. So that means if I were to guess I'd say our email er. Mr. Double-O does not live in a gated guarded community Anyway, that's my guess just saying By the way speaking of Captain Mango Now earlier on I did mention Captain Mango didn't I he's got a few good noise pollution stories, too Because for a while I think for longer than a year

[26:08] He lived close to a cantina a mini market a chicken bus stop and a main road I remember him telling me that oftentimes the noise would drive him nuts. He said he was so glad he wasn't packing heat either But that's what you get if you're paying really cheap rent So then what's my definition of really cheap rent? Well in Latin America, that'd be 150 to maybe 300 bucks a month There are lots and lots of apartments in that range But you'll probably get a big dose of noise pollution at no extra chart A lot of people don't mind they can handle it, but I for one cannot tune that shit out Funny thing too. We're talking about a sort of common courtesy Nice quiet neighborhood is something to strive for We all know up in the states courtesy and chivalry have completely disappeared with generation Y and Z etc

[26:57] Meanwhile that basic type of good old-fashioned courtesy is alive and well in Latin America Except when it comes to driving and traffic and with noise pollution How could that be good manners and the rule of the jungle at the same time, you know I've asked myself this question a million times How can Latinos and Latinos be so kind and nice face to face genuinely kind and nice too and be such Disrespectful assholes on the road, but we were talking about noise pollution, right? Regarding that there is one rule of thumb the shittier the barrio or neighborhood you live in the more unbridled pollution You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult

[27:43] Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com