#1167 – The Expat Files: Cockroaches, Property, and Practical Tips for Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now that I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right first a little housekeeping here, you know when you guys out there download this show There's a lot of places you can get it But one of the more common places is podbean.com or off the PRN dot live site or progressive radio network

[00:47] iTunes or stitcher some of those places when you click on the streaming or download link It'll take you right to podbean.com and you'll see a list of all my shows 1160 of them something like that Anyways, the Brits say it's been a little bit of a cock up in the last couple weeks the main mother station I'm connected with PRN that live live e out of New York have been updating and switching to new software and in the process They shuffled around some of my shows in the last month or month and a half So that they didn't come out in order In other words the latest show you see posted there just might not be the latest show It might have been two or three shows ago And the one from two or three shows ago shows up out of sequence could be the latest show confused yet So anyway, I've been getting emails from people saying Johnny your latest show is not your latest show

[01:34] It's one from a week or so ago So here's what you do if you don't want to miss any of my latest shows Just check the dates on the last five or six shows wherever you download them iTunes podbean Whatever just check the dates because I know in the last few weeks or so some of them been posted out of order Though as of this week everything should be lining up sequentially again from now on that is least I think so. So if you're interested in not missing a single show do check that out However, if you don't give a shit, what can I say? by the way, I got into kind of an interesting but Disgusting what they call asko here in the Spanish the full word is a scare Oh, so by the way, you should know this if someone happens to say in Spanish que asko that means how disgusting Casco so anyway on a disgusting but kind of useful topic the other day a couple of friends of mine

[02:21] We're talking about cockroaches, you know the scourge of Latin America Well any place actually though, I have to admit when I lived in Chicago so many decades ago I'd never saw a cockroach in the house ever. Of course, you know having Festidiously organized German mom helps though I had plenty of friends in apartments in such who'd see him once in a while But the farther north you get the less likely in fact I remember the very first time I was sort of disgusted by the sight of cockroaches when I first Visited a friend in my jammy when I was about 22 years old That was when I first saw cockroaches in really big numbers I was staying at my buddy's beach house and upper middle-class family And I remember getting up at two or three in the morning to catch a snack in the fridge And I flicked on the kitchen light and I saw six or seven of them on the floor in the wall

[03:07] And I just freaked out no snack that night. It was an instant appetite suppressor The next day when I brought it up to my buddy. He said so what no big deal Everyone has cockroaches. You can't get rid of them No matter how clean you are they come around even if you have a full-time maid like this guy's family had you just can't get Rid of them. He said all you can hope to do is keep the population way down and that takes constant doses of insecticide Even now in 2022 when I walk into a middle-class or upper middle-class Latin American household I'll often detect the lingering smell of that stuff in the background and man I'm telling you they have some insecticides here that would never be legal in the first world you and I know that stuff's Really nasty for your health, but Latin Americans. Well, they're not big on science and research. I know I know some of you are thinking what an ass you are Johnny

[03:53] So what do you want me to do Lidia tell you Latin Americans are obsessed with science and biology That they're a culture of nerds and deep thinkers Fact is average Americans aren't much better just saying now Of course the warmer and more humid the climate the more kookaraches and insects in general The fact is if you're just a bit careful You can read your house and those things completely and for people who say it's just a fact of life They're here and you got to deal with them. Well, I say so you're just not trying hard enough for doing the right things It's not so hard. You just have to stay focused maintain certain standards number one never ever leave dishes or anything at all in your sink overnight because at nighttime is when they come out to play Number two never leave food out overnight either and I know so many Latino families should walk into their kitchen and they leave bowls

[04:40] And pots of rice and stuff on the counter all night cookies bread and pastries, too. They're begging for trouble That's the last thing you want to do now as far as leaving whole fruits and vegetables on the counter overnight in a bowl Whatever, that's fine kookaraches Don't go after those things unless you've cut into them or section them like a banana Papaya mango, then you're taking a big chance, but as long as they've got their intact skin on them No problem So bottom line for all you guys and gals out there who claim you just can't get rid of those kookaraches You're at constant war with them I beg to differ the fact is I don't see two or even three kookaraches in a whole year in my house or apartment However, when I met other people's houses are walking around outside I see them all the time, especially at night. They're nocturnal little bastards

[05:25] But in my place or my places that I've lived they're almost non-existent because I don't break those hygiene rules When you always want to take out your garbage regularly too and never let it overflow Oh, and here's another thing that Latinos almost never do and one of the big reasons why they have kookaraches You know, most people have a little plastic garbage bucket in every bathroom and bedroom, right? I was always taught as a young kid you line those things with a plastic grocery store bag And you just throw that away every week. Well, guess what? It doesn't seem Latino moms have ever taught their kids that so all the garbage trash left doors, etc Go directly into the plastic bucket and you know, what kind of mess that makes Where's shit most all Latino houses I walk into where the main garbage bucket is in the kitchen or whatever It doesn't even have a top on it

[06:10] That means flies are hanging around there all the time to man You have to have a top on your garbage buckets Now if you go to a hardware store and buy a garbage bucket There are various kinds with and without tops and some of the tops have a hinge on them Those are the best ones now You'll have to spend an extra five or six bucks to get one with a deluxe top on it with a good selling hinge It's incredibly worth it saves a ton of pest problems later, but you rarely see those things in people's houses I know it seems like so simple and obvious stuff, but it ain't so obvious down here I guess it's just that kids copy whatever they saw in their parents houses And so if you end up coexisting with flies and kookarotches, well if it was good enough for mom and pop, that's life That's the way it is. They're used to it Those are some of the little things you notice if you're down here long enough

[06:56] Some of the little things certain details third-world people will tolerate we just never would well most of us anyway I hope then again many years ago back in Chicago when I was playing in some my early rock bands I had some musician friends You could loosely refer to as white trash or trailer trash Though I don't think we knew the term back then or it even existed Kids are sort of blind to that kind of stuff The fact is I didn't know I grew up lower Middle class till I was in my 20s and I ran into a rich kid I went to high school with who kindly informed me of that fact later. I asked my mom if that was true She said yeah, I guess so Back then in the Gilligan's Island and leave it to Beaver years It didn't matter much a lot of my friends grew up lower middle class and set the world on fire later We didn't know we were lower middle class. We never made that distinction

[07:44] We only knew our parents didn't make enough dough to give us an allowance That's why we all went out and got paper routes at 12 years old The difference was my mom was a tough German. So our house was spic and span Books everywhere because she was a professor but spic and span hmm spic and span. Can you still say that? Haven't heard any blowback on it Maybe the woke stir word Nazis haven't got that far in the dictionary yet Anyway, my friends when they walked into my house Even though there were six kids two adults eight people in a three-bedroom little cookie-cutter cracker box house My friends always commented how nicely organized and clean especially the bathrooms my parents house appeared to be and most of my buddies when they Got older and got real jobs and settled down They graduated from white trash into the middle and some even the upper middle classes and really straighten their acts out

[08:32] They just needed a good example here and there and back then with so many of our parents coming from the so-called Greatest generation there were plenty of good examples in role models to go around unlike today But I digress man. Did I digress? Sorry about that? Anyway, every single house and apartment I rented in Latin America did have its share of cuckoo ratchets at least initially But within two or three weeks, I got rid of every last one of them Sometimes the first couple days you have to nail them with insecticide sprays and such because they're just so disgusting and fast and tricky Man for such prehistoric unsophisticated creatures, man, can they run? So anyway as Latin American life would have it as soon as I move into an apartment or a house I usually end up killing a lot of them the first couple days by swatting them or bombing them with

[09:17] Insecticides and then I mix up a batch of what I call my famous cuckoo death balls It's great stuff because it's natural and non-toxic to humans and animals By the way in some Latin countries the word cuckoo is slang for cuckoo ratche of course and Vagina, so look out when you're using that word in mixed company or you might get some dirty looks Especially from the older ladies though as usual you will have the gringo advantage going for you So that they might just laugh it off and chalk it up to you being a clueless gringo or not Depends. So anyway after a couple days in any new place. I'll mix up a batch of my cuckoo balls Here's the recipe borax powder flour brown sugar and water you start with borax powder It's a fine white powder You can get it on Amazon or in a full-service hardware store in the welding area welders use it as a flux

[10:07] It's called borax b-o-r-a-x or boric acid. Anyway, it's half borax and half regular flour About a teaspoon of each and then a nice big pinch of brown sugar Then you mix it up in a little bowl with your fingers It doesn't matter won't hurt you with just a little water then you need it K-n-e-a-d it to the consistency of play-doh Then you roll it into tiny little balls each about half the size of the nail on your pinky finger You should be able to get about 20 little balls with a mix like that Then you go around the kitchen and put them in areas the cooker ratchets like to use as nighttime runways They like to run along the space where the floor meets the wall They also like to run along the line where the kitchen countertop meets the wall So you start spreading those little cuckoo balls around at the very corners where the wall meets the floor

[10:54] The corners where your kitchen countertop in the walls meet and in your kitchen cabinets where you've got cans or boxes or bags of food stored Deep in the back corners there, too And most importantly in the corners in the cabinets under your kitchen sink you do the same thing in your bathrooms, too Don't forget behind the toilet in the back where the wall meets the floor And if you've got a pretty big kitchen if you put a cuckoo ball where the wall meets the floor about every five or six Feet you should be fine now over the years I've found you don't have to put cuckoo balls in any place but your bathrooms and your kitchen That is unless you like to eat in bed Then you might place a few cuckoo balls in the corners near the walls and floor under your bed and within Two or three weeks you won't have any more at all By the way if you're concerned about how ugly those little balls look around your house

[11:40] Don't fret because you know a person might just say what the hell is that little ball doing over there? Well in reality, they're barely noticeable and you can hide them behind things For example behind your toaster microwave oven espresso machine and the ones in the kitchen and bathroom cabinets You never see those anyway not to worry even if they're out in the open They're very tiny tan and blend right in so then how long do they last how long are they effective? They last a long long time three to six months easily Eventually the cuckoo balls get very hard like little rocks just like play-doh will do eventually Remember that stuff play-doh bet you try to eat it when you were a kid really salty, huh? Anyway, no matter how hard your cuckoo balls get the cuckoo ratchets will still try to nibble until they get way too hard The thing is you really don't have to change them out till you spot one or two of those disgusting things around the house again

[12:29] The thing is to remember those simple rules. No dishes in the sink open plates of food on the counter all night, etc Etc as for me I'll change those cuckoo balls out about every six months and I have almost no Cuckoo's to speak of so then how do those cuckoo balls work? Well, they've got a little brown sugar in them So at night the cuckoo's will nibble at them and that borax or boric acid it's called It damages their digestive system and drives out their exoskeletons Now the thing is that you're not gonna one day wake up and see a bunch of dead cuckoo ratchets everywhere It seems like they eat this stuff get sick crawl back into the drains or Biden's brain wherever they come from They don't just all a sudden keel over by the way The reason I'm bringing this up the other day I was sitting with a bunch of people couple gringos too and they were talking about their cuckoo ratchet problem Actually, they weren't really concerned about getting rid of them

[13:16] They reluctantly came to the conclusion. They just have to live with them I told them it didn't have to be that way that I had no cuckoo ratchets in my house and they didn't seem to believe me So I explained all of what I just mentioned to you and still they gave me that. Yeah, right look. Oh And another thing this is kind of funny One of the guys a gringo said to me isn't it odd sometimes I'll wake up in the morning going to the bathroom or kitchen And I'll see a dead cuckoo ratchet on the floor flipped over on his back the dead ones He says are always flipped over on their backs. How's that possible? He said it's a mystery Every single dead cuckoo ratchet. I haven't swatted myself are upside down on their backs That's the way they die then I said you use tons of insecticide, right? He said damn, right? I'm at constant war with those things. He said the little cuckoo ratchets aren't so aggravating, but those ginormous ones

[14:03] They're disgusting. They gave me the willies. He says I go through a can of spray every couple of weeks Meanwhile, I'm thinking please don't invite me over to dinner. Okay? Not just for the cuckoo ratchets But for that cloud of insecticide settling on everything and that you're constantly breathing this stuff, too Then I mentioned cuckoo ratchets that die by insecticide always end up on their backs I know it sounds crazy, but it's true that neurotoxic chemicals that end up in their nervous system Cause them to lose control of their muscles and they spazz up violently Flip over and die and when they end up on their back because of their very high center of gravity They can't flip themself over again because the insecticide toxin won't let them Coordinate their leg muscles anymore. In fact many times it seems the cockroach is dead, but it's really not

[14:49] It's just paralyzed and it'll lie there until it starves dehydrates or sometimes after an hour or so revive flip right side up and live to torment you another day so never assume they're dead when They're laying on their backs as disgusting as it sounds You should whack them and they do make a sound a popping sound make sure you squish them good Yuck same goes for those really big cuckoo ratchets. Otherwise known as politicians Anyway, cuckoo ratchets of all kinds including politicians when they die a natural death They generally crawl back to their sewer or Nancy Pelosi sauce So keep that in mind if you're out and about anywhere a restaurant a home Whatever and you see a cuckoo ratchet flipped on its back The owner has been heavily dousing the place with insecticide not good for humans or pets When one more thing about those cuckoo balls, they don't seem to bother pets. I've had dogs and cuckoo balls

[15:37] They don't like them. They don't eat them. I guess they're too bitter. So they just ignore them Now I suppose you're thinking about now that's way too much information about cuckoos Well, not if you want to get rid of them completely. I hate the things myself I can never get used to them and when I'm at someone's house and I see one It puts me on alert kicks in the gag reflex if you know what I mean Just like when I'm in the presence of a politician. It's understandable. They're dirty sneaky disgusting and have nine lives, too Enough said about that way too much said about that. All right. Let's take an email. This is from Kent. He says, hey Johnny He's been a couple of years since we last talked. I'm still a fan of Boca's del Toro Panama Even though I know you're not anyway last July I bought a small island there with intent to build on it this year However, as often occurs life throws unexpected changes at you instead of moving south of south of the border

[16:28] I had to temporarily move north to take care of family issues Johnny since the island I bought isn't titled but his ROP means right of property There's two different ways you can have property in Panama with a title or ROP He says since I can't be there to make sure some locals don't claim possession of it As well as watch my contractors and their workers so they don't cut corners on the construction or steel supplies I have decided it's best to sell the land All right me Johnny here Let me explain something if you've got a title to a property in Panama It's registered with the municipality and all that and no one can squat on it and steal it But if your land does not have a title and it's owned by right of property ROP You or someone you know has to be on that property or someone could squat on it and steal it

[17:14] Anyway, Ken says since I can't be there to make sure locals don't claim possession, etc. I've decided it's best to sell the land It's listed at two and a half times of what I paid for it less than a year ago And wouldn't you know it's in a bidding war over my asking price right now It's painful to watch it go, but the extra money sure helps comfort that pain I'll be back there in the future. I think though just keeping you posted. Thanks again, Johnny signed Kent. All right, Ken Thanks for that, you know brings up an interesting point this right of property thing They've gotten Panama that came about because there's lots of indigenous tribes that if they wouldn't try to get titled for their islands and lands Whatever it'd be virtually impossible They just don't have the money to send out surveyors and all that besides if you get a title to land in Panama You got to pay property taxes However, if you've got a document that says is ROP right of property you pay no property taxes

[18:02] No matter how much it might be work could be work millions and still by law you pay no property tax But then again, there are some downsides You can never use it for collateral on a loan and if you're not there someone could always squat on it and claim possession That's why it's called the right of property Whosever on that land for a certain particular time, whatever the government says is legal has the right to that property It also can deter quite a few first-world people from wanting to buy a place like that because we're used to buying places That have a clear title For gringos and expats it can be scary to buy a place that doesn't have a traditional title But in this case Ken's case seems like he's got buyers lined up So for him and his island, it doesn't seem to be an issue Anyway can't good for you either. You're really smart really lucky or both

[18:48] Wow can't to get two and a half times more than what you paid for the place less than a year ago You know what? I'm jealous Anyway, one of the reasons I read Ken's email is to point out the fact that the legalities of buying selling and owning land in Latin America can be quite different than what you're used to up in the States Alright moving on. You know, I've mentioned a few times in the show I've got lots of haters out there people trying to cancel me calling me every name of the book because I speak the truth Not their particular abridged version of the truth. Yeah, right Like there's more than one version of the truth like two plus two equals white supremacy But even though people are trying to cancel me say nasty things about me even make fake Websites and fake news up about me. It only seems to be a small percentage of listeners yet. They keep listening Meanwhile for every piece of hate mail I get 50 emails like this one. This is from mr. JC. He says hi, Johnny

[19:39] Peace and Ben de Sione is to you. It's 11 years later Essentially to the day we finally arrived in Guatemala a deep and heartfelt Thank you for everything you've done for me and my family There is no question that if it wasn't for you I would be grinding it out in a failed police state in frustration Oblivious to the possibilities of living a life in a culture that is full of joy and with freedoms not available in the US He says a while back after Fukushima I Told my wife that we have to get closer to the equator based on the jet stream movements and global atmospheric wind patterns Coming out of Fukushima as not to be downwind if and when the reactor cores melt down and blow up At that time the Main Street media had downplayed it Failing to mention that the reactors had blown already which they had literally sky-high at the time

[20:30] He says I was following Michael Rupert the peak oil guy and found you and Richard Martin on PRN by June 2011 I was in Guatemala attending your seminar Johnny. He says you've changed people's lives You've helped people that you will probably never meet You've given people hoping a chance for freedom for so many you've painted a picture of a world full of possibilities Every time my wife and I listened to your weekly podcast We feel the joy of someone who is living the life to the fullest You're very inspiring and lots of fun. Just a little feedback for you Johnny. Don't change a thing Especially the love you throw at the woke people Call it how you see it as always insights and insults stories and observations Keep it coming Then he says by the way Johnny We're wanting to visit that stem cell clinic in the DR you talk about just to get a touch up

[21:16] Finally, he says Johnny. I trust you're taking advantage of the recent crypto and Bitcoin buying opportunities Anyhow looking forward to catching up with you with sincere gratitude signed JC and family Alright, mr. JC. Thanks for the kudos Anyway, I'll mention once again. I get many many emails like that interdispersed with some haters You know what they say you get the most flack when you're right over the target, right? Now don't think I read that just to toot my own horn. I Read it on the show to touch on something. I forgot to mention a while back regarding the seminar Remember, mr. JC said he wanted to stop in at that stem cell clinic in the DR. I've been talking about Here's what I forgot to mention, you know I'm setting up another expat insiders seminar in the Dominican Republic this time for late October early November

[22:07] What I forgot to mention is that I've been getting inquiries from people asking Johnny if I come down to the seminar Can I go to that stem cell clinic at the same time and kill two birds with one stone? Yep, you can do that all you have to do when you come down to the seminar is add another week on to your flight plan and then right after The seminar is done. We'll have one of the ladies from the stem cell clinic set up the necessary appointments starting the following Monday now Since the seminar finishes on a Thursday night, you'll have the weekend to relax and the following Monday. You'll be off and running So if that's how you want to schedule it kill two birds with one stone Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and our seminar coordinator and logistics lady Rita will start the ball rolling So whether you're just planning on the seminar or the seminar and getting stem cells send me an email the expat files at gmail.com

[22:57] And I'll put you on the early bird discount waiting list You'll be the first to get the seminar sign-up info plus the itinerary and all the complete details All of that should be ready in a week or less. So stay tuned. All right, let's take another email This one's from John lots of Johns and Dave's out there He says hey Johnny a while back you spoke about several mail forwarding and package forwarding services In Florida that can provide customers an address to receive mail in Florida who would then forward them to a Latin American country Then he says could you please provide me the name of any such companies you have used and have found to be reliable Aside from that he says I've listened to your podcast off and on for several years now Always informative and spot-on about the habits and behaviors of Latinos and Latinas

[23:43] I personally got out of Dodge myself back in 2020 and have been living in Colombia with my Colombian wife until now However, looks like Colombia is poised to go it away of Venezuela Once the new socialist president takes office, so my wife and I are considering moving to Mexico or possibly Guatemala Unfortunately, he says seems like we expats are running out of places to flee to escape woke idiots and thieving politicians Then he signs off. Keep up the good work Johnny signed John All right. Thanks for that John and You know, I agree with you. It is a shame about Columbia problem is those sociopathic politicians know how to get votes They just promise freebies to everyone. Hey, who doesn't want something for nothing? I want something for nothing problem is nothing's for nothing and politicians lie. It's a prerequisite for the job. I like Columbia

[24:36] It's a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there Although at one time I was thinking if I had to move to Columbia go to Medellin around the Pablo area I liked it a lot way back when 10 or 15 years ago But now it's first world expensive The Colombian government is desperate broken bankrupt like every other government the socialists are taking over They are promising freebies and they've proposed a wealth tax and a huge tax on the rich The sweaty masses just love that kind of talk, you know and the businessmen and the rich they're not fools They're on the books and they know they're easy to tap for taxes when they hear that kind of talk They don't invest anymore They spend the next couple of years getting their dough the hell out of the country But you know politics is like a toilet the biggest smelliest chunks always float to the top, but you knew that already, right?

[25:23] Anyway, John asked about those Miami mail and package forwarding services. He asks which ones have I used and liked? Well, here's the thing John those mail forwarding services where you have an address right in Miami Use your name and their address so that packages from eBay Amazon Walmart Target or even your own mother will usually within a week or two end up at your own doorstep in whatever Latin country and well turns out Unfortunately, sort of those mail forwarding services are individual to a particular Latin country For example, I've used three different mail forwarding services that go from Miami to Guatemala once called rapidito Express One called Miami box GT and one called ICC

[26:08] Logistics and the reason why I don't stick with one is because well one will work for a while a year or two and then Suddenly they'll drop the ball things will come later and later or they'll jack up their prices or some new and better Competitor will come along with a much better deal in Guatemala alone There must be 30 Miami mail forwarding services You can choose from some as low as two bucks a pound to eight or ten bucks a pound and really Why should you pay six seven eight ten bucks a pound when other services are offering two or three bucks upon you might as well Try them out doesn't cost you anything or any membership or monthly fee to sign up with them In fact a lot of times when you're talking to gringos and expats they'll say how's your courier service how fast is the stuff arriving and what do you pay a pound and Someone will tell you about some terrific new service and you're thinking man

[26:54] I got to try that one save me a ton of money and since there are no contracts involved It's not like you're married to a particular mail forwarding service Oh, and another thing you have to know suppose you're living in Colombia and you move to Panama Salvador Guatemala Whatever you're almost guaranteed that mail forwarding service to Colombia won't send it to Panama Salvador Guatemala They seem to be specific to one particular Latin country In other words, there is no sort of universal Miami mailbox service that'll send your packages to whatever country you happen to be in In Latin America, maybe there is though, but I haven't found one yet. If there is though sooner or later I'll hear about it and let you know You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult

[27:41] Just send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com Nos vamos