#1111 – The Expat Files: Life, Law, and Living in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right. Got a lot of stuff to go over today Let's get started with some very interesting emails by the way There is an epilogue to that expat Eddie polygraph, you know in-house gringo theft story with three suspects Do let me know if you want to hear the ending to that story

[00:45] It's not that long but I think maybe I spent a little too much time telling that story and maybe I bored some of you And you changed the channel. I don't know cuz I didn't get much feedback on it Anyway, there's a very interesting epilogue If you want to hear the end Give me a shout out because there are lessons to be learned for gringos and expats because things like that could happen to you So anyway, our first email comes from Maraud and there's lots of lessons for gringos and expats to be learned on this one too, so pay attention. Oh And as always when I read these emails, I paraphrase and edit a bit Often leaving out stuff that doesn't address or pertain to the things we talk about on the expat files In other words, if you digress way too much digress more than I do Or you get way too specific. It might not make the cut like for example Where's the best place to get leather goods in Antigua Guadamal? That's way too specific for the audience

[01:33] You know, that's a personal mission a particular objective on just one person's bucket list But a little aside here by coincidence. I just mentioned leather goods, right? You listeners might remember a couple of shows ago. We were talking about business ideas for gringos and expats here in Latin America I've mentioned that every time I go to Lake Atitlan, I pass this little shop where they sell those Fantastic leather belts with the hidden zipper. I've got about five of them in various different styles and colors myself I'm never without one. I wear it all the time I can easily pack a thousand even two thousand dollars in the zipper along with more than a few one ounce gold coins if that's what You're into and the extra dimension of width is still not noticeable to the eye or average slug or no good nick Anyway, every time I walk past that shop I can't help but notice those belts aren't even displayed very nicely at all

[02:22] And unless you inspect the rack yourself, you won't even know that some of them a small portion of them have zippers It's just a plain leather shop with all kinds of leather goods on display not specific to belts at all But everything's handmade locally with the best leather great craftsmanship, too Basically, it's just a leather goods shop You know purses sandals shoes leather hats and regular belts In fact the regular leather belts you're about to zipper that is our 90% of what he's got on display with just a small little Unappclusive section of zipper bells. Anyway, every time I walk past this place and I've been doing so for 20 something years now I keep thinking why hasn't some gringo expat making a deal with this guy the owner Then put up a nice website and sell these things to everyone all over the world

[03:07] Well, guess what apparently someone did listen to this email from Ruth and she says incidentally Johnny quite by accident I found the leather money belts you mentioned before at Lake at Atlanta in Guatemala. I found the belts on ETS Y website It looks as if someone took your idea and ran with it Maybe you know the owner have a look at the photo of the business and their staff on that website by the way Johnny ETS Y is a marketplace for people around the world connect and buy and sell unique goods So Ruth, thanks for the email and thanks for the heads up on that website. Well, here's my take on it Ruth I looked at the website. I don't recognize the gringo who put it together, but he certainly doesn't know anything about marketing He's got all kinds of different leather goods on that site And he only shows one picture of a belt and it's all coiled up You can't even see the zipper and there are many different styles and colors available tooled and untooled yet

[03:57] He only shows one just one all curled up. It's very apparent. He does not know the value of those zipper belts He's got purses and all kinds of the usual suspect leather goods people sell and as you know There's huge competition in the handbag field and the gringo guy who whoever has this website He's missing a huge opportunity because these belts are one of a kind yet He's got no explanation or any details at all on that site Now if it was me I'd make a website and partner up with some other security and personal travel item companies Like for example, walkabout travel, I'd contact the camping hunting sport and outdoor companies, too Of course, I'd have my own website, but that would be the only product they'd be selling because there's no competition you get it Anyway, that's my take on it

[04:42] I would have done things much differently I would have contacted all kinds of security firms and places that sell passport pouches and things like that You know, so as far as I can see Ruth the opportunities still layered to just clean up with these things Come on. All he's got is a little photo of a curled-up belt, please stuck in with 50 other photos of other products Oh and for your information, they sell them for 40 bucks plus shipping and handling I don't know what that is and I know for a fact you can make a deal with the guys that make them And get them for under 10 bucks apiece huge profit margin there even considering the shipping costs back to the states That is if you send a bunch of them back like a hundred and a box if you break it down It probably won't cost more than two bucks apiece to ship them back to the states again A huge profit margin if you're selling them for 40 you could probably clean up at 30 even 25 bucks apiece

[05:30] But even at 40 bucks, they're worth every penny because they're built so well and practically indestructible Now what you really should do is get some boots on the ground and go to Atitlan yourself and buy up a bunch of them Just for yourself and your family great Christmas presents said, you know, 15 bucks apiece That's what they sell them for retail though. Initially, they'll ask 20 or 25. Remember, it's a bargaining culture And you always throw a counter offer at him I'd say 10 bucks to start it off then there'll be a little back and forth and you'll get it for 15 Anyway, some food for thought just saying Alright, let's get to that first email. Well, it'll be the second right? That was part of an email from Ruth and now an email from rod with some lessons here He says hey Johnny a while back You helped me find a lawyer for an import export business and the business ended up being a scam

[06:16] You asked me to tell you the story which your listeners might enjoy. So here it is By the way, I currently live in China and one thing Chinese people love is chicken feet I love them to one amazing businesses to bring frozen chicken feet as an importer But there's a big catch. The Chinese government has a group of approved meat producers all over the world Alright me Johnny here. Uh, rad I hate to break this to you But I don't really think chicken feet can be technically classified as a meat product or even classified as human food Number one last I heard they have no meat on number two If you look at them, you'll see they're kind of covered with reptilian scales attached to a couple of sharp claws It's that dinosaur family tree bird link, you know You can check with Darwin on that one and rad no offense But I can't even stand looking at chicken feet even when they're alive and kicking in vivo

[07:06] I mean look what chickens do with them. They tried through dirt and mud scratching for grubs walking around in their own poop Sorry rad chicken feet. No, thanks However, being that there are over 50 billion with the beat chickens killed every year That means there's a hundred billion chicken feet floating around somewhere that works out to 17 chicken feet per person per year Rod you can have mine. Of course I know it's an acquired taste a desperate act if you ask me The thing is I've been invited to many a Latin American get-together when yuck chicken feet We're on the menu and when they've served them up around the table comes the awful sound of the munching and crunching of chicken feet And that rod my friend is the Latin American version of the Chinese water torture Gives me the willies when I know I mentioned this a long time ago

[07:54] But it bears repeating in every second third and fourth world country. Nothing on an animal goes to waste I realized about 35 years ago a long time ago when I first started traveling around the world Other cultures will eat what the average gringo will throw into the trash or give to the cat Hey, don't get me wrong. Every part of an animal is nutritious, right? It's just what we're accustomed to and I guess by that measure Americans are really spoiled pretty much food snobs In fact, I don't know a single first world American gringo expat who will eat the cartilage from a chicken Whereas Latinos will routinely do it. Hey, it's not pretty but all my Latina girlfriends have done it and I try to block it out Hey, I know cartilage or what's in car. It's really good for you and Americans do eat it a lot in other forms But they would never eat it right off the coward chicken. It has to be disguised therefore highly processed

[08:41] By the way, if you ask an American on the street how he likes his cartilage, you'll say get out of here I don't eat cartilage. That's gross. You're nuts and you'll probably squint and make an awful face though He might say maybe I will on a dare. What'll you pay me? Hey, everything has its price, you know But when you tell an American millions of Americans eat cartilage products every single day and like it a lot Well, people don't want to believe that they think you're having them on until you ask them if they've had any Jell-O lately You know Jell-O J-E-L-L-O. By the way, do you remember who was a spokesperson for Jell-O for years and years? They'll call us me. Hey, hey, hey fat Albert. Hmm funny thing, too Today that Albert wouldn't be fatty be normal and they wouldn't make him fatter to fit the description because that'd be fat shaming, right? But I digress man. Did I digress? Anyway, the main ingredient in Jell-O look on the box is processed cartilage from guess

[09:34] Where yeah, right. You're all a bunch of chicken feed eaters, too And you didn't even know it but not for me was a lucky break I never liked Jell-O by the way processed cartilage is in a lot of other things, too But like a lot of you guys and gals out there I'd rather not know about it, but back to Rod's email, by the way Rod If you invite me out to dinner and you order chicken feet, call me a jerk Call me a dickhead, but I don't think we can be friends All right carrying on Rod says in China one of the amazing businesses is to bring frozen chicken feet as an importer But there's that big catch the Chinese government has a group of approved meat producers all over the world And if your meat product does not come from one of these producers, you can't bring it into China period So he says I looked at the China list of approved Producers of chicken feet and several companies popped up in South America in Brazil, Argentina and Chile

[10:23] So I set out to contact these people He says I'm in Canada now, but my family originally comes from Venezuela and we are experienced Sephardic Jew business people So I did not believe anything. I was being told by the companies I decided to hire a lawyer and check out the bank accounts addresses names websites and the like from these approved South American chicken feet producers Mmm, you know Rod just talking about this chicken feet thing is getting me nervous Maybe there's a scientific term for it chicken feed a phobia could be sounds right But I ain't the only one one remind me to tell you about the time on an island in the Caribbean known as Montserrat a Neighbor family invited me over and served me up a bowl of goats eye soup I sat there for 10 minutes trying to act calm with that thing staring up at me

[11:10] And finally when no one was looking I took my spoon scooped it out and up it under the table and the dog snapped it Right up. So the question of the day is if it's a life-in-depth Situation and you had to choose between the goats eyes and the chicken feet Which would it be some might say it depends if there's ketchup or mayonnaise on the table Yep, that's right as gross as it sounds. I've seen people dip their chicken feet in mayonnaise Alright leaving you with that lovely thought So Rod decided to hire a lawyer to check out the bank accounts addresses names websites and the like of the companies that are approved in South America He says in every single case the websites bank accounts and everything else turned out to be fake Even though he says the websites were extremely professional and the main pages and the fronts were very legit looking Even the bank accounts had names very similar to legit banks

[11:58] Then he says though. Finally, I found one real company, but they were very dismissive of me Not at all interested in my little business idea Anyway, just to let you and your listeners know how it went. That's what happened to me and I speak fluent Spanish All right. Thanks for that right all good stuff Sorry that the chicken feet stars did not align for you But your story does point out one very important thing the idea that you really need to get a lawyer a good lawyer especially when dipping your feet into the Latin American business world the key is of course to get a lawyer that won't rip you off that Won't see you as a gringo with a dollar sign on your head In other words, you don't want to get a lawyer unless you've checked out his past and he comes recommended by other long-term gringos and expats Of course just a warning if you end up on the gringo tourist trail

[12:46] Most all lawyers you find even the good ones the ones that will help you the ones that are 100% legit They too see that dollar sign on your head. How can they not they all have a gringo one expect clients who've been ripped off left and right They know what trusting innocent naive rubes and hay seeds a lot of us are especially when we first get down We fall into all kinds of traps I'm talking mostly on the gringo tourist trail now because when you're off the trail, there are so few of us around They don't have much experience with us. We're still just novelties to them So when you land in a country, that's well off the gringo tourist trail or maybe sprinkled with a couple of gringos here and there But not enough to cause any real impact when we're a rarity. We've got that very powerful gringo advantage going for us By the way, you know, if you come down to my February 2022 expat insider seminar, which kicks off on Friday, February 18th

[13:36] 2012 you'll find one of the best things about the whole experience is that our seminar lawyer who is a longtime personal friend of Mine will be hanging with us 24-7 he's with us all the time. You know what that means. Don't you you'll have a whole week to get sick of him No, just kidding. He's a real fun unlikable happy guy and well connected but think about if you're anywhere along on your plan B You're gonna want legal advice about a lot of things about immigration about rental contracts bank accounts business stuff hiring and firing people Maybe you want to build a house. You'll need a contractor. You have to get a lawyer involved in that You know to check the guy out make sure everything's legit Fact is lots of gringos and expats who build houses or other projects. They have their lawyers disperse the funds to the contractor Then, you know things are on the up-and-up. You're not gonna get screwed

[14:21] The point is when you come down even if you're just thinking about coming down, you're gonna have a lot of legal questions over time What are you gonna do plug in find a Latin lawyer and into your web browser search box? Every time you have a legal question. Good luck with that. There's no Latin version of Ask Jeeves remember that You see where I'm coming from, right? But think of it if you come down to the seminar you get a whole week with a very experienced 100% bilingual Latin lawyer It's your chance to pepper him with questions. And remember he's an off the gringo tourist trail lawyer. Sure He's got lots of gringo clients. But remember we're all on the same page He knows exactly what we're looking for and what we want to get out of life But one thing like most of us, he's an anti-government guy You might not think so because he did run for mayor in his county but lost but that's because he was too libertarian for him

[15:09] And the voters in the district didn't know what a libertarian was. Anyway, he hates big government. He owns a small coffee plantation He's a gun owner and miracle of miracles. He takes Bitcoin and crypto He's been in the crypto thing for as long as I have since about 2012 and man, is he well connected you really need a lawyer who's connected that way if you I'm talking about expats get involved in anything That's not quite black and white legally for example property or land disputes if you get picked up for a DUI or you run over a motorcycle or a pedestrian or Maybe you get caught with an illegal substance. Maybe your immigration paperwork's expired or not Right in all the countless gray area cases. It's best to have a lawyer who's well connected You know that's saying laws are meant to be broken which now anyways a hundred percent true up in the states

[15:56] You know There are laws for the common people like you and me and another much more lenient set of laws for connected people like bureaucrats And politicians anyway here in Latin America a lawyer who's connected can when necessary Bend a law to its breaking point with just a few phone calls. So keep that in mind It's another great reason to come down to the seminar Not just for the boots on the ground and the networking But to find and hang with the kind of lawyer that every gringo an expat wants to hire but can rarely find on their own I know it took me three or four false Starts with other lawyers until I found him and that was only after I had been down in Latin America at least Five years or so that said if you want to get on a super fast track plan B Exit strategy you can come down to my February 2022 seminar and drink from the fire hose

[16:41] That's what people say, you know when they come down and go through it. It's like an expat plan B boot camp For sign up details and all the info just go to expat plan B comm and click on the seminar link That's expat plan B all one word comm All right now an email from one of our previous expat insider seminar attendees She will be a repeat offender since she's coming to the February seminar to by the way right after the last seminar She attended she decided to stay down in Guatemala and the immediate vicinity for some months getting some real quality boots on the ground by now She knows quite a bit about the territory She was in the midst of the covid it thing too So she's got tales to tell if you're down for the seminar. I'm sure she'll fill a sin on many of her stories Now I'm bringing this up for more reasons than one

[17:27] Primarily as an example for you lady expat gonna be in wannabes out there who might be hesitant to come down But even if you're coming down with your better half now Imagine if you're on your own you're single and don't have anyone to come down with for some it just doesn't feel right Well think about this miss see who wrote this email is a single good-looking blonde North American woman Who came down to the seminar alone then stayed on for some months in Latin America? Exploring meeting people and getting some really quality boots on the ground well She pulled it off and is enjoying every minute of it By the way lots of ladies have come down to my seminar on their own any lady single or not Who's fed up with the states can do it to missy's just one good example? Oh, and she's a tall blonde too, so when she's traveling alone through Latin America She sticks out so she gets a bit of extra attention above and beyond the gringo advantage in short macho Latin guys

[18:19] Who are almost always short by the way in short? They're always hitting on her so she's got that to deal with too anyway. She starts her email by saying Johnny I came up to Seattle for my brother's funeral sad, but kind of a blessing he had down syndrome He made it to 59 which is really long-lived four downs. It's weird my dad died two years ago My mom last Christmas and now my brother They were always a kind of a core trio in the family and so many of my decisions in life have been based on whether They needed help or were okay or not, but first I want to tell you how effed up Seattle, Washington is I drove up for the funeral and the King County mandate there is that Businesses must ask for proof of back status just to enter but it gets worse even crazy I can stay at the hotel, but not go to the bar

[19:05] I can buy a $25 latte from Starbucks, but not sit or stay there now to be clear Johnny I wouldn't spend 25 bucks at Starbucks Oh, and you can buy restaurant food, but you got to go out unless you've got the seal of approval Are you ready for this one Johnny since I was up here in Seattle? I scheduled an annual doctor's appointment with someone I've been seeing for 30 years as a medical courtesy and to give the office an option To refuse me as a patient after all this is Seattle I told them at the time of making my appointment that I'm not vexed, but I had COVID and recovered recently Now get this when my doctor came into the room She told me her entire goal of this appointment is to get me vexed. Can you believe that? No? Good morning How are you? Nice to see you miss see just opens the door. Well, I'm sitting naked

[19:52] Well in a gown not so naked I guess but I wasn't in my power suit either I was about to spread them to the world in the stirrups You know the stuff us ladies have to go through in those routine checkups That's when she said quote my entire goal today is to get you vexed Needless to say Johnny our goals did not coincide now I kind of knew she was gonna push that agenda But at least I thought she should close the damn door though I did say I'm willing to listen and consider but I'm not getting back today her entire demeanor then changed she started talking about how they're trying to end the pandemic blah blah blah, you know the soliloquy and Suddenly I was the problem me who often spends days alone in a cabin working online or sitting outside alone having a beer in The Seattle rain meanwhile in places like Starbucks

[20:39] The insides are packed with card carrying faxed maskless patrons steaming up the windows Do you get it suddenly it's me I'm the reason the pandemic isn't over not them then she asked me what my Reservations were for getting the facts as if there's only one particular reason for not getting jab Well, I told her this appointment is 30 minutes long and we don't have the time to address all of those reservations Anyway, since I don't have insurance and I'm paying out of pocket I told her to give me a few extra lab tests that is above the normal poke and prod business So I said, please give me a CBC that's complete blood count test a thyroid test and a kovat antibody test She's scoffed and said I don't do the antibody test Then I reminded her that last January in 2021 almost a year ago when I last saw her before max vaccinations

[21:28] She offered me a kovat test because I told her I thought I already had it before it all hit the fan Back then she did offer the test as part of a study She said my test came back negative for antibodies all that backtracking I could handle But her single-mindedness is what was creeping me out Because normally she would nag me about mammography or colonoscopies or my occasional nicotine habit this time No diet or sleep questions not even any questions about long-term lingering covid it symptoms since I did have it and recovered Nope, none of that once she realized I was adamant about not getting backs today. She went into robot mode. Nothing else mattered I get it. I'm not a doctor, but she knew my dad was a pathologist I've cut up many body parts in a lab where I worked for 18 years and know how to read a lab report

[22:14] I'm not a doc, but I'm not the average patient coming in who blindly follows their advice either I can read and comprehend lab articles and results check medical dictionaries white paper studies and articles, etc I knew all about and researched my own past ailments, too I knew my medical problems and how I got them So I'm not your average patient who worships at the throne of the medical establishment Anyway, she gave me an eye roll when I said I was getting an antibody test for my own private study since nobody knows how long Immunity lasts so I was thinking when I walked in why not let her give me an antibody test and see if I still have Antibodies after having recovered from covid seven months ago. Why not? I checked after four months and I still had measurable antibody resistance So I was only asking for a simple thing draw some blood and let's find out but no in the end

[23:04] I was stunned at her complete lack of intellectual and medical curiosity and pissed off at myself for naively believing she would listen anyway in the end Johnny Seattle has lost its f in mind in more ways than one as For now, I'm off back to Arizona and then on a plane to Guatemala before Christmas. I hope oh and about the loonies in Seattle In the interest of keeping people safe people in Seattle are still wearing masks while driving alone in cars as they cut me off In traffic doing 70 in a 50 zone. I just want to scream I know it won't help things but there is something to be said for primal scream therapy. Remember that? So I guess I'll scream Tranquilo, which means calm down or cool off in Spanish. So anyway, Johnny. Thanks for the safe space. You gave me to rant

[23:53] Signed missy. Well missy. I guess you gave us reason 2656 through 72 why it's really imperative to get that plan be underway and get the hell out of dodge Oh, and by the way in a previous email, let me quote missy She says Johnny and Teague Guatemala was the perfect soft landing zone for my first time in Latin America Those are her words and remember again. She's a single lady coming down all by herself She said Antigua Guatemala and that's one of the stops on our seminar agenda So you too can see why it is the perfect soft landing spot All right, we're getting close to the end of the show now, but one more thing, you know Lots of times gringles and expats especially those whose Spanish really sucks They asked me to help them out. For example, take them to a doctor a clinic a pharmacy or check them into a hospital Sometimes I get sucked into that, you know, that'll happen to you if you're down here and know enough Spanish to get by

[24:43] So sometimes when you're around a lot of gringles and expats, it's a disadvantage to let them know that you speak Spanish Because hey, then you're gonna be the go-to guy for all the problems They might have and can't be solved with what they call down here kitchen or bathroom Spanish By the way, if you're off the gringo tourist trail and your Spanish really sucks and you have to go to a pharmacy Here's a tip this will work at hardware stores to take a picture of the drug or medicine or lotion or ointment or if you're in a Hardware store the brackets screws light bulbs, whatever pull up a photo of what you're looking for I want to buy and when you walk up to the counter Just hand him your phone and say este por favor. It means this please in English Show him a picture and in the case the drug you want is in English Don't worry All the workers in the pharmacy seem to be able to get on the computer just plug in that English word and the Spanish name

[25:31] For it will come up. Oh and do say Henetico if you want to get the absolute best price Henetico or Henetica means generic because you know even here in Latin America where tons and tons of generics are made They're not always gonna give you the generic when you walk into the drugstore You have to ask them for it as you know The proprietary brand of things could cost three or four times as much for example occasionally. I take imitrix That's the brand name for a migraine medicine known as sumitriptin. That's the generic name now if I ask for imitrix They probably have it on hand. It's the proprietary brand They've imported from Germany or the UK wherever and it's gonna be something like 10 bucks a pill But if you say Henetico, that's sumitriptin and that runs around two bucks a pill very same drug big price difference

[26:16] And please don't tell me proprietary and brand names work better That's big pharma and dr. Propaganda because you know doctors it all kinds of perks and rewards for prescribing Proprietary brand name drugs. Why do you think they have so many drug reps buzzing around their offices all the time now? I started this last bit by talking about how gringos and no Spanish end up doing lots of favors for gringos who don't Well just yesterday. I took a guy to a clinic to get a tomograph He needed an abdominal and pelvic CAT scan now He didn't have one of those great private insurance plans because he's over 64 Which is kind of the general age limit for getting on a private insurance plan though There are a select few others that will take you when you're older Anyway, he got the scan and of course it comes with a doctor analysis of what they see in Spanish of course

[27:04] And that's part of the reason I helped him anyway the bill 90 bucks that was without insurance and if he'd had insurance the cashier told me he'd only have paid $15 well, I looked up that exact tomographic procedure in the states and the average is 1200 bucks using the very same machine Yep, it was a new General Electric model. I checked it out GE medical division, Milwaukee Wisconsin says it right on the tag same machine less than a tenth of the price. I rest my case You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America

[27:50] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com