#1005 – Episode 1005: Expats, Experiences, and the Road to Financial Freedom

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right, get this I was just reading the results of the latest Gallup poll about people who want to leave the u.s For whatever reason mostly because they either hate Trump or bite now, of course you and I know they'll never leave people are all talk

[00:45] Especially those blowhard blabber mouths in Hollywood. Anyway, according to this very recent Gallup poll Canada is the top desired destination for would-be Immigrant Americans and they're basing it on the fact that Google reported a huge spike in the number of searches For how to apply for Canadian citizenship while in the US by the way The number one reason people want to move to Canada This is according to the poll too is the dreaded prospect of bankruptcy as a result of unforeseen medical expenses Well, you know what that says to me people are terribly misinformed Because obviously they haven't investigated the fact they can get first world medical treatment in Latin America For a quarter to a sixth the price of first world medical care better

[01:32] Yet if you're under 65 and in some cases 59 you could get absolutely first-rate medical coverage with virtually no deductible for from anywhere from 75 to 150 bucks a month for a single person that is for a family a little bit more As expected so much for Americans being the most informed people in the world They ain't oh and also in this poll It says that record numbers of Americans are wanting to flee the US like I said talk is cheap Or all of the maggots in Hollywood would have moved to Canada or Mexico by now. Anyway, according to the poll 20% of Americans are saying now that they want to flee the US that as opposed to 16% of Americans who said that in 2018 and 2017 by the way back in the corrupt bush days and O vomit days in the same kind of poll

[02:23] Americans wanted to leave came in at 10% of the people polled and 99.9% of them never left either Blowhires and grandstanders all of them. But here's the real kicker. It says Particularly American young women say they have the desire to leave America permanently In fact, according to this Gallup poll fully 40% of women younger than 30 Say they would like to leave the US and you know what I say We don't want you here in Latin America. You can go to Canada Makes you wonder though since most young women even men under 30 Can't really support themselves without some help from mommy and daddy If they did happen to move out of the states and their clueless parents cut them off I wonder how long it would take them to move back to mommy's basement in Cleveland with their tail between their legs

[03:11] Yep, talk is cheap. It always has been now speaking of lost in translation And even if we weren't speaking of it, we will now, you know, that happens all the time even with me and i've been down here a long time And mostly when I slip up and don't get what people are talking about is because i'm talking to someone working a regular grunt job On the street i'm referring to the latino taxi driver shoeshine boy plumber even cop And that's because you know in every latin country people on the street speak with their own type of slang It's like the difference between the way a new yorker on the street talks and someone from california or texas Now even if you're a hundred percent native born american You can't tell me you understand everything a guy from new yorker texas says And we haven't even touched the subject of ghetto talk yet and the linguistic rat hole gutter of rap music

[03:58] I gotta tell you with some movies and videos when something's happening in the ghetto I don't know about you, but I have to read the subtitles Same thing goes for rap music though I don't know who first thought of the idea that the word music should follow the word rap. They've got nothing in common Talk about irony. Oh and another thing about talking to someone on the street in spanish They've been adding more and more english terms, but they don't always pronounce them like we do So sometimes they'll just slip right by you and they won't even ring a bell For example the word full f-u-l-l full You know just in the past year or two i've been hearing that word in lots of spanish conversations But it took me a while to realize that we're using it because you see when listening to someone speak spanish Once in a while there'll be a word or two

[04:44] You don't get and your brain just kind of fills the gap Because as long as you get 80 or 90 percent of the words you'll get the message take the word full f-u-l-l Now if you're at a latin american gas station and you say fill her up He won't know what the hell you're talking about by the way They still have guys filling your tank down here not like up in the states where it's all do it yourself So anyway, if you say fill her up, they'll give you a blank stare, but if you say full They'll give you a blank stare too. But if you say full They'll know exactly what you're talking about and really there ain't much difference between full and full But there you have it even that could be lost in translation So anyway, just the other day I was driving up to a gated guarded community You know the type where visitors have to check in with a guard So anyway, that's what happens sometimes when you're way off the gringo tourist trail

[05:33] Like I usually am the locals don't get to see very many gringles in person at all Much less actually talk to one of them So anyway as a visitor, I was required to show him a copy of my passport and then he'd take a smartphone photo of it Now normally that's something that really pisses me off Why should I give some potbellied rent a cop a photo of my id document? That's a complete invasion of your privacy not to mention once someone's taken a photo on their phone. Everything's up in the cloud But you know, I solved that problem a long time ago You see I whipped out an altered photoshopped copy of my passport the one I gave him had my real last name erased Of course, he was none the wiser didn't make any difference to him He was used to the fact that many people especially latinos have very simple or convoluted names

[06:19] Some latinos have two names or three names or four or even five names on their id docs Some have two identical names like galfredo martinez martinez or pedro junior junior vasquez That's right. I once had a maintenance guy with two juniors in his name Then of course, they've got their last names, which is their father's last name and they use their mother's last name as the ultimate name So you might have juan enrique eduardo gomez gonzalez. That's pretty normal And the last name gonzalez is the mother's maiden name So believe me whatever name you might have on your id documents or passport or whatever No one's ever going to question it whereas up in the states if you've got two or three middle names People are going to think that's kind of strange So anyway, this guy's looking at a copy of my photoshop passport

[07:07] Now one thing to remember these days more and more outfits besides government agencies Like utility and internet companies, etc, etc They're going to want to see an original id document like a driver's license or passport But i've found here in latin america in 99 of the cases You can get them to accept the nice printed copy of your passport No matter how you've photoshopped it When they're asking for the real thing by just saying that your passports at the us or canadian embassy Whatever because it's in the process of getting renewed. Believe me I almost always buy that excuse because latinos of all people know exactly how horrible government bureaucracies can be Now as for me, I always carry a nice color copy of my real passport Unaltered just in case and a nice colored copy of my photoshop passport

[07:59] All right. I know some of you might be thinking isn't that illegal? Can I get in trouble for that? And what can they really do to me if they find out? Well, let me put it this way You're a gringo and you've got that gringo advantage and latinos believe practically everything you say or at least give you the benefit of the doubt They've got all those positive stereotypes about us whether they're true or not besides that if you for example, like I do Eliminate your last name on the passport really think about it. You've committed no crime. You haven't created a new name That's still your name for example If you use that photoshopped passport to get a sim card or To sign up for an electric or water utility or even a cost score sam's club card as long as you pay your bills There's no fraud Sure There's some slight of hand going on but it's all done in the name of retaining some privacy and having a low profile

[08:47] So I carry a copy of my real passport and a kind of a doctored passport I never travel with my real passport unless i'm traveling across borders Oh and by the way, one of the places they'll always ask you for your real passport Is that a hotel when you're checking in and when they ask for the real one I just pull out my copy and say my real ones at the embassy getting renewed because you know It's true if you have to get a replacement passport because your pages are all filled up or you're close to the date of expiration They'll take your passport for a couple of weeks And when you get the new one back the old one will come with it only the old one Will have some holes punched in it So then you might ask why don't the government slugs just keep the old one and send the brand new one Well, that's because you've got an entrance stamp in that old passport in the country

[09:33] You're in and you'll need to show that at the airport on your way out when you're traveling you get it Not only that if you happen to have residency in a particular latin country and it's always recommended, you know there'll be an extra page with some official stamps and signatures and stuff and A barcode and some other junk added to your passport That's your proof of residency in whatever country and that page is glued and bonded in there permanently So if the government kept that passport You wouldn't have any proof of residency while traveling and you'll need that when you're passing through borders So you don't have to pay a fee Upon entering or exiting the country you have residency in for example Most latin countries when you fly in will charge a 10 or 20 bucks thinking you're coming in as a tourist

[10:18] But if you have a residency stamp from that country You walk right through and don't pay a thing And of course, you know that gringles and expats who don't have residency who are just coming as a tourist to a latin country You only get 90 days in that country If you stay one day over they'll start finding you by the day just a couple of bucks But it adds up if you've stayed some months over your time However, you won't pay a centabo if you've got that residency sticker in your passport So that means if you do get a new passport for whatever reason You'll have to hang on to the old one with the residency stamp and travel with both of them I know it sounds rather inconvenient traveling with two passports But the only way you can get around that is to have that residency stamp Reissued and paste it into your new passport, but that's a pain in the ass though. It can be done

[11:03] I've heard it takes a couple of months That means i'll be holding your passport for a couple of months and that to me is not a very good bargain Especially if you travel a lot or like to travel on the spur of the moment because you know Then you're stuck in your latin country of residence until you get that passport back because you can't travel without it But you knew that already now, where were we? Oh, yeah I drove up to the guard station at a gated guarded community because i'm gonna visit a latino guy And this is way off the gringo tourist trail So the guard decided he wanted to be friends with me because that's probably the only gringo he's seen in months Maybe then he starts telling me in spanish Of course, he's got an uncle and a brother and a cousin in my jamby and he pulls out his wallet And shows me some pictures and wonders if I ever met him Yeah, right like the us is as big as panama and you can drive from one end to the other in 45 minutes

[11:53] But it's true. That's the impression most latinos have who've never been to the states Not that americans are any better at geography I mean look if you saw a map of the us that wasn't labeled Could you put the right names on every state? Only about one in 20 adult americans can do that Pretty pathetic. So anyway, I showed this guy a copy of my doctored passport And since he was showing me his whole family album, I asked him what his name was alfredo. Wachiman He said and I thought yep Definitely an indigenous last name wachiman. So a couple of minutes later another car pulls up behind us He has to attend to him. So I drove on through I went up to the condo of the latino guy I was visiting It was on the third floor and he had a nice balcony that overlooked everything in the pool

[12:40] The tennis course the whole bit it was an upscale place and he said johnny Did you know that guard from somewhere? I saw you down there gabbing with him for a long time I said no I think he's never spoken to a real gringle before and he just had to bond with me And show me all the mug shots of his illegal relatives up in the states And then I said man, you know, he looks a hundred percent latino Doesn't seem to be indigenous, but his last name sure is I wonder how he spells it Then my latin buddy said alfredo He's not indigenous and I said with a last name like wachiman and my latin buddy just cracked up laughing He said johnny wachiman's not a name. He's just telling you he's the guard. He's the watchman So there you have it. Even a guy with 30 years in latin america like me. I have my the

[13:28] Moments too. So don't feel so bad when it happens to you Speaking of lost in translation. Listen to this Remember a couple of weeks ago. I was talking about how I just absolutely hate The motorcycles here and i'm glad I don't have a gun in the car because i'm sure i'd be in jail right now Well, it just so happened coincidence and serendipity joined hands about two days after I did that show Turns out right after I went on that motorcycle hate rant I discovered there's a top 10 ragathon song on that very subject Now, of course as a real grade b musician in a past life I cannot stomach ragathon, but it's everywhere here in latin america and you got to tune it out or somehow live with it Especially if you have a latina girlfriend, that's all they listen to Though thankfully for the ladies it's not about the infantile lyrics

[14:16] It's about to be because they love the dance Anyway, just two days after that motorcycle hate rant I was sitting in a little cafe having an expresso and a brownie And of course the ragathons pumping away I was sitting at the table closest to the counter and the two young ladies working there were singing this song You know latinas will often just break into a dance move for 10 or 15 seconds and sing along with the chorus or refrain Which is the most popular part of any song and in this particular song I couldn't believe my ears the chorus or the main theme of the song was get this Weed in el casco And soon practically every young lady in the place was singing just the chorus weed in el casco So I asked what's that mean weed in el casco. I wasn't getting it. I never heard that phrase before

[15:02] So she said slowly the first word weed is marijuana And I said oh weed in english I get it Then I thought just more proof that english words are slipping more and more into the spanish vernacular Then she said in el casco means in my helmet So the whole song was about a motorcyclist who was hiding his marijuana in his helmet So then the lady explained to me the whole song was about a motorcyclist who got pulled over by the cops being searched And getting away with it because he had his weed stashed in his helmet Thus the chorus weed in el casco and investigating further I found out that throughout latin america you can just call up your local weed dealer and he'll send it over to your house Wherever you are via motorcycle and guess where the guy hides it Where else though? I guess now since the song the cops are wise to it

[15:51] Now you probably know already that there's only one or two countries in latin america where weed is strictly legal But mexico and some others are coming online soon So technically it's a crime to smoke weed or have it delivered on a motorcycle in most latin countries Even though the cops know it and they'll never arrest you they'll just take you weed I've heard many firsthand stories that back it up Oh and by the way, as mentioned in the past show Motorcyclists almost never get pulled over by the cops because they're too slippery and evasive and man I'll tell you the motorcycle theme in that song has really touched a nerve People are singing and dancing to it almost everywhere Weed in el casco now i'm not saying I like this song. I can't stand reggaethon But I have to admit it's become a phenomena and I expect it'll last in the public consciousness at least a month or two

[16:39] Before getting edged out by some other trivial piece of musical garbage To me, you know, it's interesting how a certain phrase or a turn of a phrase can go viral It just goes to show how unpredictable human nature is now for you doubters out there Here is a piece of the song so you can get an idea what it's like You're ready to lose a few iq points. Here it goes All right enough of that your knuckles dragon yet So anyway when that song's playing and you hear it everywhere these days just that part That refrain weed in el casco

[17:26] That's the only phrase people know the other words don't seem to make a bit of difference So when the song comes to that little segment, that's when people just yell it out. By the way I've been to some fiestas some parties where the weed in el casco delivery guy has shown up That's a real thing, you know, and why everybody's so hung up on the song now Hey, I know you're curious the going price for what used to be called the lid or announced. I understands around 20 bucks Now i've heard in the states. It's a hell of a lot more than that though I understand that by you and those weed dispensaries they've got an infinite number of formulations and strengths By the way as far as cbd oil have any of you listeners out there tried it? Well, I ordered a bottle myself Just to see what would happen when it came through the miami courier because I understand in most latin countries

[18:12] It's not legal yet. Well, it came on through no problem whatsoever And I know a few other expats in various latin countries have ordered this stuff and it came through just fine for them, too Even though technically in most places again, it's illegal, but eventually of course, it will be legalized It's all about the lag time thing, you know But the good news is though. There are laws against it. No one's enforcing it. That's a typical latin american thing Fact is I don't think a latino copper authority figure has ever even seen a bottle of cbd oil I don't think in a million years. They know what the hell it was That's a good thing now not to toot my own horn too much here Let me ask you this there are dozens if not hundreds of expat podcasts out there to choose from By the way, you know I was the first one in the whole world to have a continuous weekly show on the subject

[18:58] The question is where are you going to find that kind of social commentary from anybody else? The thing is for a gringo or an expat To get your finger on the pulse of the real people here in latin america You got to live down here a long long time and off the tourist trail It just can't land in can't cool panama or costa rica and start podcasting like the expert expat You ain't but people are out there doing it. Good luck with that Then again, maybe lots of listeners want the on the gringo tourist trail take on things Well, sorry, you won't get it here. All right. Let's talk about real estate in the bubble Let's spin pop, you know here in latin america and the rest of the world The tourism business is absolutely shot and along with that prime real estate, especially in tourist areas is going down the black hole, too In fact to give you an example of just how bad it is. Listen to this

[19:46] Here's an article that just came out of the biggest business journal in panama It says a real estate rental bill was just presented to the national assembly in panama To regulate the leasing of real estate so that renters can now by law Have the option to buy the property. They're renting Then it says in order to prop up the unprecedented slump in real estate panama's minister of housing and land management Presented this brand new bill to the legislature accordingly This bill's legislation would turn rentals into leases with an option to buy With the whole point of this legislation being to reactivate a dead housing market This all new formula the bill's sponsors say will allow many young people and newly married couples

[20:33] To have a built-in option to purchase a house or apartment that they're renting Then it says since millennials the foundation of the newer buyers market don't have the down payment money for a traditional mortgage That's the reason it says millennials are not buying homes now So in effect the bill is offering a subsidy to new homeowners With the landlords having to take the hit for one thing if a renter's allowed the option to buy They don't pay the real estate taxes The landlord continues to pay them until some later date when the title is turned over to the new owners Think about that for a second. That means as a landlord in panama, you're doubly screwed First of all if you have rentals you've lost future control over the ownership Because you're forced to allow renters the option to buy you've got no choice in the matter

[21:20] All the while you're stuck paying the property taxes Not that property taxes in panama or the rest of latin america are high They're exceptionally cheap compared to real estate taxes in the states But still average real estate taxes are a couple hundred bucks a year in most cases the equivalent of a month's rent But the real kicker you have to give every renter the option to buy man That reeks of big brother if that law gets enacted and it looks like it will I'd never want to be a landlord in panama. What a terrible precedent man There's something really wrong with that. All right, as promised in the last show We'll finish off my toolbox list. You don't remember on the last show I gave you a nice basic list of stuff you have to have around the house or you're gonna need to have around the house Once you move to latin america, i'm not saying you should go out and buy that stuff all at once

[22:08] But believe me as soon as you move into a place you're gonna find out you need lots of the stuff I have on this list right away. All right, so we left off last time with I think two wood chisels in your kit I recommend you have one that's a quarter inch wide and one that's three quarters of an inch wide So what might you use those for? Well, if you plan on changing any locks or door hinges yourself, you'll definitely need them You'll also need a paint scraper and a scraping tool that holds a razor blade Well down here you'll find a lot of uses for it Since the locals down here are terrible when it comes to painting They'll splatter stuff on your floors counters and windows and to get that off you'll need a scraper Best one to use is the type you could keep changing the blades in the cost around two bucks

[22:53] You'll also need some assorted nylon tie wraps, too I also think you should buy a set of three expansion bits. You know what they are They're drill bits that are tapered and look like a cone Specifically for use in sheet metal and laminate metal first you drill a pilot hole with the regular bit then use the expansion bit It'll allow you to take a small hole and make a very big hole out of it in a hurry Believe me if you're drilling holes of any kind in metal Expansion bits really come in handy set of three probably 10 bucks and do get a can of silicone spray There's no better way to loosen up drawers and hinges You should have some wd-40 around the house, too Especially if you're living close to the beach or the ocean where lox can oxidize and freeze up and do get some assorted screws nuts Washers and bolts in every hardware store. There's a nuts and bolts aisle

[23:40] You should grab a different size package every time you go in Then in a couple of months, you'll have a nice assorted collection You should get some assorted electrical wire nuts, too You'll need them if you're doing any lamp outlet or appliance wiring now latinos don't use those things They just wrap their electrical connections in black tape. Not a good idea But down here, it's anything to save a but don't you fall in that trap use real wire nuts and they're color-coded for size And get a heavy-duty electric outlet strip, too And get a portable utility lamp the kind that clamps onto things They're about five bucks and something I use all the time an led headlamp You know, it's a little lamp on an elastic strap goes around your forehead Then you don't have to use a flashlight at night or to get into dark spaces for plumbing get a roll of teflon tape

[24:28] A can of acetone, which is the universal solvent or cleaner Also get one of those small camping propane bottles that are around five or six bucks And buy one of those brass screw-on attachments that'll turn that propane tank into a little torch Also buy a metal file that has a handle they have two sides one side is fine and one course Oh and get some safety glasses and a mask ha ha Like we all don't have one or a hundred of them laying around the house, huh? Get some gardeners gloves. You know the white cotton ones Those will really save you from cuts scrapes and wear and tear on your hands Especially when you're doing things like woodworking or plumbing So anyway, there you have it your basic expat toolkit And I think if you had all the stuff I recommended you're probably looking at 200 bucks

[25:15] Again, you don't have to run out and get all this stuff. Just collect it little by little Oh and for you real serious do-it-yourselfers and weekend warrior project guys and gals I have some additional items that are worthwhile to get starting with a bench grinder a tabletop drill press a hand grinder A circular saw a belt sander with a sorted belt a reciprocal saw normally called a sawzall An electric hand planer a dremel tool kit, but skip the brand name dremel get attack life It's much cheaper and just as good if not better for a third of the price Serious do-it-yourselfers have a table saw and a power miter saw along with a plunge router a soldering iron with a regulated power station a heat gun

[26:01] Which is basically an industrial hair dryer a welder and of course a welding mask and gloves Oh, and if you're afraid of welding and you've never done it before They've got a thousand instructional youtubes on it. Check it out next a wood planer. That's got at least a 12-inch feed In other words, it'll plane up to a 12-inch wide board And a small air compressor really comes in handy and finally a metal cut-off saw You'll be needing that if you're doing any construction or cutting pipes and rebar Of course, you'll need a workbench or table You can do that with two saw horses and a sheet of four by four foot plywood three quarters of an inch thick You can either make the horses out of two by four wood studs yourself or buy a workbench I say if you're the average do-it-yourselfer make the table yourself. You'll save a hundred bucks

[26:47] Personally i've got two saw horses that are collapsible So I could just toss them in the back of a car and head to a job site Now, of course this tool list for the serious do-it-yourselfer is going to cost a few hundred bucks But most all can be obtained used on olx.com or other online craigslist type sites. Good luck with the scrounging Oh and just a tip don't tell people you have this stuff or they'll be forever borrowing it from you And finally as this show goes out on november 8th 2020 you've got about a week left to sign up for my expat insider seminar that's coming up in january and still qualify for the early bird discounts So if you want to save 500 bucks off the regular price go to expat plan b.com Read the info check it out and sign up You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america

[27:36] If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com