#1000 – The Expat Files Episode 1000: 1,000 Episodes, 1,000 Stories, and the Future of Expat Life

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started. Welcome to show 1000 you know what that means don't you? I've somehow been able to babble on for something like 500 hours on the air and podcasts Mostly on the subject of living working playing and or doing business here in Latin America with lots and lots of useless and not so useless

[00:51] Digressions, I'm sure you know that already and you know on this so-called red letter day, by the way, why do they call it a red letter day? Well, that's because in ancient Rome when they post announcements on bulletin boards, they'd put the important stuff in red ink You know like which gladiators are gonna fight in the arena on Sunday which Christians they're gonna feed the lions Which young boys and girls are gonna fly with Clinton to Epstein Island. Wait a minute. Wait a minute wrong millennia Scratch that anyway now that I've hit a thousand shows a couple of my friends and relatives have said Johnny you should quit while you're ahead So, what do you think should I quit then again if I should quit what would I do with all the extra time? I'd have on my hands take up some fun and amusing leisure activities Maybe like gambling smoking drinking or hitting the crack pipe. Nah, I guess I'm too old for that

[01:40] You know speaking about quitting while you're ahead. I remember way back when around nine years ago I had about 40 or so shows in the can I got an email from a guy. I'll never forget it He said Johnny, it's all well and good the way you spew and rant about all things Latin American But I hate to say this But I don't think your show is gonna last long because you're just gonna run out of things to talk about and then you're gonna Start repeating yourself. You'll turn into a bore and no one will want to listen to that Then he said so maybe when you hit show 100 that should be the capper. That's a nice round number Then you should just package up those hundred shows put them online for some nominal fee or even give them away Then move on and think it back on that. I know that once in a while. I'll repeat myself I realize that because some of the stories and events and things that happened eight or nine years ago

[02:28] New listeners have never heard before though I know I do have some loyal listeners that have heard every single episode Some people who've even listened to every show two or three times. How do I know that? Well, they tell me though They could be yanking my chain I don't know but I gotta tell you I got a very intelligent and serious audience So I don't think there are too many BS errs in the bunch Anyway, I'm sure some of you longtime listeners might be rolling your eyes when you hear me repeat something Generally, I do it and I don't do it often I know that but when I do it's for the benefit of the newer listeners not because of Alzheimer's Then again, if it was because of Alzheimer's, how would I know? Now there's a conundrum for you, huh? Speaking of conundrum, so I'm getting lots of emails these days from people saying Johnny What are the co-videa rules and regs for particular Latin countries since they're changing all the time

[03:18] Mostly loosening up as the days go by still no one wants to have any Bureaucratic snafus or surprises once they land in a country So then how do you find out the absolute up-to-date co-videa info? Regarding testing or lack thereof travel restrictions quarantines, etc, etc Because you know a country's either completely closed partially open Reopening soon or there's no restrictions at all. And as far as the date I'm recording this is Tuesday, October 20th There are exactly 56 countries worldwide out of the approximately 200 that are completely closed off to air travel unless You're a citizen or a resident returning home and as of today the 20th There are 93 countries out of the 200 that are partially open That means you can enter or leave the country if you're a citizen or resident and

[04:06] Non-citizens and residents can come and go too, but not in all areas of the country certain towns cities beaches, etc might be off-limits and as of today, there are five countries worldwide that have announced a specific date for reopening without restrictions and finally as of today October 20th, there are 66 countries worldwide that have no travel Restrictions whatsoever though. Some of the 66 countries have some policies in place like mandatory testing on arrivals So bottom line if you have some travel plans, you want to get the complete up-to-date info There are two ways I've found that you can do it I'm sure there's a lot more but let me give you the two surefire ways that are updated daily Number one, you could go to the site kayak.com. That's k-a-y-a-k. You know, it's a travel consolidator

[04:55] Like Priceline Expedia, Obits, and the other ones So when you go to the site, you just click on the travel restrictions link It'll bring up a worldwide map with different colors shaded in with figures, dats, and comets about the Covidiat situation in any particular country So going to kayak.com is one quick way to find out However, if you're planning a trip to a particular country I found the best way to get the most detailed information about the Covidiat thing is to check out that escape Travel site that was put together by people at MIT It's called if you look it up escape travel and when you get to the main page the title the headline says escape Travel inspiration by price and Covid-19 safety and the direct link is great escape

[05:41] Co not com co that's great escape Co it's a site where you select your travel dates and country It automatically does a massive search to find you the least expensive and best routes As well as give you a complete update on the Covidiat rulings for that country Now for me that site is the best there is if you've already selected your dates and country Whereas the previously mentioned kayak site is just a general picture of what's happening all over the world As far as Covidiat travel restrictions at the moment you choose to look at the site Again, my number one best pick is great escape.co to check it out. It's very cool Speaking of international travel, you know, i've got my expat insider seminar coming up in january

[06:26] And as of right now i've got two people looking for roommates a lady and a guy now I know lots of people and i'm one of them like their privacy when they travel I was never even in my college years into the backpacker thing or even into the bathroom sharing thing You know how you can travel and find cheap accommodations where you get a single room, but you have to share a bathroom Well, I don't know about you, but I don't like dodging foreign hairballs in the sink and pubes in the shower There's something really wrong about that, but that's just me But others just love company and don't mind roommates and as for the seminar Well, we'll be staying at nice hotels. So there'll be no surprises in the bathroom But mostly it's a great option because you'll save 750 off this single price we can do that because you know

[07:12] The cost of the seminar includes seven nights at first world hotels So with double occupancy I can pass that savings on to you So anyway, i'm looking for a female and a male Each is looking for a same-sex roommate And if that's you send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and we'll work it up All right. Now, let's talk about gringles and expats who want to come down live in latin america But they know eventually they'll have to get a job to make ends meet in fact people say to me all the time Johnny I have x amount of money 5,000 10,000 30,000 whatever How long do you think that'll last me before I have to worry about making ends meet? In other words, what kind of time cushion do I have before I'll really need to get a job when that dough runs out? Well, that all depends on your lifestyle But I got to tell you most of the gringles and expats who do come down are a bit on the frugal side

[08:00] I am you know, they're not going out to restaurants and bars and disco as much at all They don't order top shelf whiskey or tequila though. They might have a bottle or two in the cabinet at home Turns out most gringles and expats when they first get done do hit the bars restaurants at a local scene But they hit the cheaper ones a lot of splurge on the street food because it smells so good and it's so cheap Which of course, you know is the easiest way to get to know the ins and outs of your bathroom Oh and speaking of repeating myself Once again, I think it's worth repeating that when you move into a new apartment The first thing you should do besides change the locks is get new toilet seats Just a little piece of advice from a good old mom. Not only is it a good comforting hygienic idea It'll make a good impression on visitors too because you know One of the best ways to judge a restaurant is by first walking into the bathroom and having a look around as for me

[08:50] I can tell you many times i've done an about face in a seemingly nice restaurant After taking a quick peek at the bathroom facilities Fact is i've been in restaurants and homes here in latin america where the toilet seats been there so long It's so worn and decrepit. You can actually make out an ass print Sort of like the cement out front in growlman's chinese theater in hollywood Though we're talking about a completely different part of the anatomy here, but I digress as usual Where were we? Oh, yeah the need to make money once you get down here Well, you know when you get down here There are always some surefire ways to make money one is teaching english to chinese kids online You've heard that tune before that works number two if you have a bona fide college degree You can get a job teaching kids at a helicopter school But to me there's two drawbacks to that

[09:36] Number one you'll find those jobs are very plentiful only off the gringo tours trail because when you're on the trail And there's tons of gringos around those jobs always fill up in a hurry. They get a ton of resumes Second problem with a job like that is you're stuck signing a contract for a half year or a year That means you got to be there every day of the school year Meaning you don't have much flexibility to explore and travel Oh and the salary usually between 500 and a thousand bucks a month actually not so bad by latin standards Always double triple or quadruple the minimum wage Though absolute poverty even below welfare wages by u.s Standards not to mention you're still working for the man and who likes working for the man The only way out of that mess is to have your own business, right? Even when you're teaching english to chinese kids online, you're your own boss

[10:22] You set your own hours and workload and there's something really psychologically uplifting about that By the way when you're thinking about what it's going to cost to live down here If you want to live kind of frugally, especially if you got to get a job later or make some money I've always said as a single person anyway You should be able to survive pretty nicely at a first world level more or less That is if you don't go out too much to restaurants and discos and drinking and stuff Well, I know lots of people who are doing just that for between a thousand and fifteen hundred a month Social security check if you will that'd be including your rent Provided you haven't got any debt like a car loan. In fact, the other day I was talking to a very cool guy who lives part-time in porta rico And I asked him about his cost of living on that island with his rent He was living on about twelve to fifteen hundred a month

[11:09] But you see his rent was around eight fifty a month He even admitted he was probably paying too much And normally as a single person if you shop around you should be able to get a really nice one-bedroom apartment And pretty much anywhere in latin america except on the tourist trail, of course For about three to six hundred a month In fact, the last place I rented was a nice one bedroom gated and guarded with a protected parking spot in a very safe and desirable district For five hundred a month and I know now in the age of covid It's with all the rental payment problems landlords are having i'm sure I could easily get that place for 350 now But you know when you just pop it into a country for three or four months and you have to rent something in a hurry You don't have a lot of flexibility in the moment But if you're negotiating for a long-term lease like six months or a year

[11:56] You're definitely in the driver's seat Especially now in the age of covid You know people ask me for job advice all the time And of course the best way is always an internet business, but not everybody can do that As far as brick and mortar businesses or a place where you have to minimally have an office or a meeting place I know of two surefire winners that people never take me up on One of course is the idea i've thrown out many times before the fact that latin american maids and cleaning ladies They're called moo cha cha's by the way here. If someone says my moo cha cha or moo cha cha. That's the cleaning lady Not the girlfriend Speaking of having a moo cha cha as your girlfriend. It's not recommended Look what happened to adult swartzonega Remember that one when he knocked up his guatemalan cleaning lady

[12:45] Big mistake though. It didn't seem to hurt his career any ruined his marriage though Anyway as for maids moo cha cha's and cleaning ladies They absolutely do not know how to clean or sanitize things like first world cleaning ladies and maids It's not that they can't do it. They could do it. All right, and they work hard except No one but another cleaning lady along the way has ever trained them So they all and I mean all of them have some very bad habits That they keep repeating over and over again because they just don't know any better and talk about inefficient Well, it would take me a whole show to list all the ways They just don't use their heads But again, it's not their fault because they're learning their techniques from another cleaning lady who learned it from another who learned it from another You get the idea So my idea is for a gringa to put together a cleaning lady slash moo cha cha Train up course because I don't think and in fact, I know and it might sound sexist to you

[13:34] But it's the truth if you were to start a business that promised to train cleaning ladies maids and moo cha cha's up to first world standards You just wouldn't get any takers if you were a gringo running the show It'd have to be a gringa You see none of the upscale ladies would be interested in sending their maids and moo cha cha's if it was a guy Given the course that kind of training service would be perfect for any well organized gringa expat Yet, I don't think anyone's ever taken me up on that idea Though people keep asking me about it and pumping me for details But man, let me tell you if I was a fresh gringo woman coming down here for the first time looking for a job Or something to do i'd certainly give it a shot, but i'm not a woman. So that's out of the question. Hmm Wait a minute. I can't reassign my gender as a woman. Can't I I keep an eye on the first world news

[14:22] I see you can gender bend back and forth like a yo-yo Anytime you feel like it and if someone doesn't like it and calls you out on social media You could just shame them to death on twitter and get them fired Oh crap, I guess you can only destroy someone like that in the first world Darn it latin america is so behind the times. Don't you hate that? By the way, how's your plan be coming? So anyway yesterday I got an email from a guy who said johnny If you were coming down to latin america for the very first time and you needed to make some money fast Or at least you knew your little nest egg of a couple of grand just wouldn't last What would you do to make money if you didn't have good internet skills and it had to be a brick and mortar business Well, I told the guy and I discussed this with captain mango, too

[15:09] I said i'd rent a cheap storefront nothing special nothing pretty just a kind of a warehouse space And today man with the co-videa thing destroying so many businesses and every other storefront available for rent That part is dead easy And you'd probably be able to rent a space like that for around two to three hundred bucks a month And then i'd get online or have someone do it for me and post on all the gringo and expat fake book sites in the area Advertising my new business as a consignment center. So what's that all about? Well, i'm always running into gringos and expats who are coming and going taking off for a couple of months Moving from one country to another even back and forth to the states And you know us gringos worry always buy and collect way too much stuff And that's why when you go on the gringo fake book sites

[15:54] Everyone and his brother is buying or selling something mostly selling furniture knickknacks electronic equipment art washers dryers sofas Expresso machines chia pets water heaters and ginsu knives There's just no limit to the amount of junk gringos and expats have that they eventually have to get rid of often whole Apartments full of stuff everywhere you find gringos There's a huge market and use stuff and that's why the first thing I do if I was just coming down Would be to set up a consignment shop Especially if I was on or near the gringo tourist trail or even near a somewhat gringoized area So you want to sell a skateboard a bike or an end table bring it on down to my consignment bodega You put a price on it and I get 10 or 25 percent whatever Oh, and it would be a short and long-term storage business, too

[16:42] We have lockers there in a secure lock-up room if you had some furniture And you were leaving the country for let's say six months and you weren't renting anymore That's always a big problem for gringos and expats who might spend just a half a year in a country or a place and move on Or go back to the states for an extended period of time a lot of people take off or move on when their lease is up So it would be a storage and consignment shop and i'd have a website And if I didn't know anything about computers someone would do it for me Be nice pictures of everything up there and a frequently updated page for newly arrived consignment stuff But here's the thing and captain mango and I were just talking about this Almost everybody thinks that what they have and what they own is worth more than it really is Let's say you just bought a new sofa for 300 bucks

[17:28] If you want to sell it in a month, you can't sell it for 280 But that's what you think it's worth and you say look it's in perfect condition. Well, it ain't it's used So the problem you have with humans is they always want more than the thing's worth Which would create a problem for the owner of the consignment store because he's only got so much space And if you want too much for your putrid wrap collection or slightly used retired asian blow-up doll It'll just sit and take up space forever. Well, here's the simple answer Suppose someone wants to sell his bike for a hundred bucks and you the consignment store owner say hell It's only worth 50 and you show them comparables on ebay Yet the guy won't budge and you just know you're never going to sell that thing for a hundred Well, you have a policy that you have to get paid 10 up front

[18:14] Just for holding the thing for let's say three months And if it doesn't sell in three months, he pays you another 10 or he drops his price In fact, you could drop his price at any time That way you'll get something out of it right up front and he'll learn a lesson He'll either remain stubborn mark it down or take it home now. You might be thinking well, why would this work? Why would people put stuff in consignment when they could go to the expat fake book pages and just post it there? Well, a lot of times it's a privacy issue. I for one do not want people I don't know traipsing through my house you get it I mean look one of the many reasons so many of us expats and gringos are down here is because We want to lower our profiles and get the hell off the radar if we can and if you're advertising stuff for sale You're stuck with having people coming on over to your house and looking at it, right?

[18:59] That's just not recommended. So that consignment center idea buffers you from all that So anyway, that would be one of the business options high on my list If I came down and have a big nest egg and knew I had to make some money sooner or later Talk about low overhead and ridiculously low startup costs And you know, you wouldn't even have to keep the place open eight hours a day Just have morning hours if you wanted throw your own boss, right? You'd probably get 90 of your customers from the photos on the website Oh, and if you think there'd be limited demand for a store like that Just think of all the low budget backpackers who come down and stay for months and months at a time Who've absolutely got no furniture kitchen utensils? Just a backpack when they decide to stay and many of them end up working in helicopter schools

[19:45] They have to outfit their places completely and believe me. None of them have the dough to buy new I've seen it a hundred times you walk into a guy's apartment and he's got no furniture Not even an end table you end up sitting on an air mattress or beanbag on the floor and always somewhere in the house There's a stash of empty quart beer bottles I'll tell you new arrivals are always scrounging around for stuff. You get the idea And now in honor of show 1000 another word besides dude and awesome that bugs me Take the word dyslexia Never heard that word once when I was a kid and now it seems like every college kid has it In fact, when you're watching some interview on youtube or whatever almost inevitably Someone will cop to it even when you're reading articles about people in the media hollywood, especially and it guys and nerds too

[20:37] It's very fashionable. You know seems these days. Everyone's got a touch of it Oh and you never read about dummies having it. It's always the smart Overachievers who say they've been diagnosed or have self diagnosed so then how are you supposed to respond to that? Wow, dude, how awesome to have overcome dyslexia to become what you are Man, I want my kids to be just like you Oh an idiot psychologist have broken it down into something like 20 sub categories And man, is it popular with teachers and a logical excuse for parents when their kids aren't functioning up to snuff Then you hear about best-selling authors like steven king and so many others admitting it in interviews. Come on get real How is that possible when by definition that dyslexic is supposed to have great difficulty identifying and generating rhyming words in certain syllables

[21:27] They're supposed to have reduced phonetic awareness Whatever that is including difficulties with word memory and retrieval of certain words and syllables as well as having memory difficulties And get this difficulty in learning foreign languages Hey, guess what? I'd be dyslexic. Wow. Where's my support group? Where's my check? You know, it doesn't make sense according to the strict definition dyslexics read slower perform badly in spelling tests and have poor phonics awareness yet practically every time you see a successful person getting interviewed somebody slips in the d-word Crazier yet practically all the engineers and software designers. I know They tell me somewhere someone in a position of authority at some time

[22:14] Pinned the d-word on them and most never questioned it. They knew they were a little different from others So they accepted it, but I disagree you guys out there who know about programming There's just no way you could be a good programmer and be dyslexic. It's impossible Because you see if you screw up just one word letter or symbol in a line of code Your program will have bugs or won't work at all yet. Most all the programmers and engineers I know have been tagged at some time in their life with the d-word Here's a question. How many of you guys and gals listening right now have been called dyslexic and have you gotten your check yet? Funny thing though dyslexia seems to be the flavor of the month or year or decade but only for smart people Which is totally counterintuitive since dyslexia should theoretically impair creativity and high level learning

[23:05] Just look up the definition and you'll see so then how do you know if you're dyslexic? Well, if you can spell it you ain't got it Problem is if you really have it misspell it you would know it but everyone else would Which could be in a twisted way kind of comforting to all us language dances All right, then let's go for it dyslexia d i Or is it d y? Ah skip it. All right. Let's take an email this one from an expat insider seminar repeat offender She says good day. Johnny miss e here the filter you've been talking about lately. Is it the sawyer? gravity water filter I also have the life straw brand name filter. I got it before I got the sawyer What do you think of the life straw filter? Johnny? Well, you know miss e the life straw is a very good backup filter

[23:56] And it's good for backpackers and people who do a lot of hiking and come across rivers and such The problem is and as mentioned on my last show or show before that Practically all the water supplies in the world are contaminated and that life straw will remove bacteria parasites and microplastics and dirt and silt But since there is no carbon element it won't reduce remove chlorine or fluoride or pesticides herbicides growth hormones and the like That only a carbon filter or a reverse osmosis system will remove speaking of the sawyer filter. I use that for my portable, you know Traveling filter and for all of you who've requested a download of my system You already know this but I made my own hack for the sawyer portable system where you add a couple inches of hose to it Attach a catered in that's the brand name refillable charcoal filter element

[24:45] So it's a two stage system with the first stage the sawyer stage being almost exactly like the life straw and the second stage the charcoal stage Taking out with the first filter misses the organics the pesticides Chlorine etc And what's really nice about that little add-on is that it unscrews and after about every i'd say 50 to 100 gallons I'll dump out the charcoal by the way There's about a half a dixie cup full about three ounces and i'll reload it with a new badge of activated charcoal Now as far as the charcoal itself you could buy little charcoal refill packs from catered in they're extremely expensive They come I think in a three pack and one pack one refill will cost you maybe five bucks Whereas you can go on amazon and order a half a gallon's worth of activated charcoal same stuff for about 25 bucks

[25:34] That'll give you over 50 refills less than 50 cents a hip So my advice skip the catered in refills you're paying more than 10 times as much compared to if you bought it in bulk Only if you want a link to the charcoal I buy from amazon directly send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Oh and just to clarify one thing now with this portable system i'm talking about you're using activated charcoal granules But with the under counter system that's got its own spout and three different canisters It's not recommended to use a granulated activated charcoal filter, but a solid carbon block filter I explained that on last week's show because with a carbon block filter the carbon is so dense You can generally get six months to a year's use out of it. Whereas with an activated granulated charcoal filter

[26:19] Like the one you're using the portable unit i'm talking about it's made of loose small activated charcoal granules Like coarse black sand it's not very heavy or dense so it gets depleted rather quickly Not only that after a while water has a way of finding channels through the activated charcoal grains And that shortens the life of the carbon too, but that'll never happen with a solid charcoal block filter It's solid so the water can't make those little channels So then what's wrong with water finding little channels through the carbon? Well when water burrows an open channel, it has less contact with the surface area of the charcoal So in time it absorbs less of the impurities But with a carbon block filter the water has to go through the full thickness of the carbon So the water comes in contact with much more surface area of carbon and that's exactly what you want

[27:09] Oh, and finally one very cool thing about the soyer filter is that when you buy the kit There are accessories included that allow you to do gravity filtration In other words, you hang your filter from a tree or a sink or your shower head And it works without any water pressure at all just by gravity feed which is very cool Let's say if you lose your electricity and don't have any water pressure in your pipes You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com