#1018 – The Expat Files: Life in Latin America – Culture, Challenges, and Cross-Border Realities

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now that I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right, fellow gringo is expats gonna bees and wannabes. This is the January 1st 2021 show and I figured it'll take me two or three months before I'm not making the mistake of writing 2020 instead of 21, how about you? All right now from the people just don't listen department

[00:49] How about this were a boots on the ground story? It went to a Christmas party Everyone showed up with masks and took them off immediately when they got to the party and sat right next to each other Hugged and smooched and made all kinds of physical contact. This is Latin America You know you get that double-barreled cheek pump Well, not outside in public anymore But you do still get it when you walk into somebody's house so much for antisocial distancing, huh? Anyway, I'm at this party I'll bet there was 30 people there and food for a hundred and fifty That's how Latin parties go and of course. I was the only gringo there You know, I'm living off the gringo tourist trail, and I don't feel bad about that at all Of course, I would if I didn't speak any Spanish, man You wouldn't believe how Latinos treat you when you're the only gringo in the house. It's the gringo advantage on steroids

[01:36] That's really what it is. If you don't believe me come on down and see for yourself So anyway, this beautiful Latina, I didn't know her she must have been about 27 She came and sat right next to me on the couch not because I'm such a magnetic and good-looking guy Actually, I'm nothing to write home about but the couch right next to me is the only space available By the way up in the States I always considered myself a six on the ten scale for looks not personality as for personality sometimes I'm one and sometimes on the ten Depends who you ask and for any of you who've looked deeper into that subject or read about it in a book somewhere You know when you rate or other people rate your looks personality intelligence talent, etc You know nearly 100% of people will rate themselves a point or two higher than the general public will

[02:24] That's why when reporters on the street asked the question, how do you rate yourself? Intelligence wise almost everyone rates themselves above average, but you know, that's completely impossible because half the world's below average, right? Which is an awful scary reality. That means every other person you meet on the street is below average Hmm and most likely working for government. I know I know I've said that before on this show But it is one of those statistics that just doesn't seem right that every other person you pass is dumber than you are Oh, and then there's the fact that there's average as we see it in the first world and average as you see it here In Latin America, for example, the average person's house or the average person's car here in Latin America When you say the word average or pro medio in Spanish, it's a faulty premise from the get-go

[03:12] Well, we should be talking apples and apples, but we're not in other words your definition of average and a Latinos Definition of average are two different things. So anyway, this beautiful girl sits next to me and she had this strangely sad Look on her face. I said, hey, this is Christmas. How come you're not smiling? What happened? Your dog died, which apparently is not a saying they use at all here in America I found that out in about three seconds. So she gave me the deer in the headlights. Look and said, excuse me I don't have a dog. She said it nicely Girls are extra nice and polite here in Latin America Even when a gringo says something stupid or unintelligible like for example, what happened? Did your dog die? And of course since you've got that gringo advantage They always cut you a tremendous amount of slack no matter how far you've lodged your foot in your mouth

[04:01] Then she said I don't have a dog, but I've got a bird then I thought oh, no I'm not gonna go there cuz I just hate talking about Latinos or Latinas that own birds you Longtime listeners have heard me say one of the cruelest things you could do to a bird is put it in a cage Especially those big beautiful tropical birds that have huge wingspans putting them in a cage Well, that's just stupid, but I digress Wow Just four minutes into the first show of the new year in 2021 and already I'm digressing So anyway, you know, we're sitting there and you get to talking and she said I'm having a pretty bad Christmas and I said Yeah, you don't look too happy. What's up? And I'm thinking maybe someone in the family is kovit or is in the hospital or something bad happen And it did only I never would have guessed she said just that morning. Someone stole her cell phone

[04:52] She got robbed now I'll tell you looking at a Latina especially when she's decked out or at a party or something You just can never tell if she's lower middle class middle class upper middle class or a wealthy entitled child of rich parents That you have to find out by talking with them by looking at them You almost can never tell because they always are decked out even middle and lower class Latinas and Latinos might have a genuine article of designer clothing or two or ten plus sell out a fake designer stuff, too But you see dressing up and looking good is a priority with Latinos and Latinas much more so than the gringo crowd Oh, and you definitely can't tell the socioeconomic bracket of a Latina by her cell phone unless it's a really low-end piece of trash

[05:37] Like I use because one of their number one priorities is to have the best latest and greatest iPhone even if they're on a pay-as-you-go plan that could last for years and as a second choice if They just can't swing an iPhone the high-end latest greatest Samsung. In other words, you can't judge a Latina by her phone Oh and as far as smartphones and Latinos Latin men aren't as particular about having the latest greatest phone Must be a guy thing same thing with gringos and expats for Latinos They have to have a pretty decent one, but they're not as phone obsessed as Latinas are Oh, and remember, there's a huge black market for high-end phones here in Latin America Actually, it's more accurate to call it a gray market. In fact, it's so out in the open You can go on olx.com You know, that's the Craigslist for Latin America and find a number of absolutely brand new in the box

[06:28] High-end phones for sale at cut rate prices 50 60 and 70 percent of the retail price If you were gonna buy one legitimately and of course all of them say they'll give you a 30 day guarantee But that's just a come on Hmm, where do you think all those phones come from? So anyway, I'm sitting with this girl who had just been robbed Of course, she told me how it happened. Here's how it went down She was driving in a nice high-end business district. There was lots of traffic broad daylight She stopped for a red light She was texting a guy with a motorcycle pulled up stuck his hand in the window Grab the phone and took off and it was the latest greatest iPhone too She only had it about two months and I said wait a minute. You say he stuck his hand through your window I said you mean you had your window down. She said yeah, and I said what kind of car you have

[07:15] She said a 2014 Toyota Corolla, which means for sure She's upper middle class even though to people up in the states They might consider to that middle class or lower middle class not because it's a Corolla But because it's seven years old but down here if it's in good condition, definitely She's upper middle class then then I said to her why in the world would you have your windows down? She said because I was smoking a cigarette Uh-huh and to me, you know that said it all you see smoking is kind of a cool faddish thing to do with the upper middle class Younger adult generation and I just had to ask that nagging question. How many times have you had your cell phone stolen? She said four times Yep, that's right. They never learn then I said what about that app that helped you find a stolen phone

[08:02] She didn't even know about it had no idea such a thing even existed here She had the most expensive iPhone worth surely over a thousand bucks and she was clueless how to track it if it got stolen I mean really that's one of the most advantageous things about having an iPhone. They have that tracking app But of course, she didn't buy an official registered iPhone from a dealer it figures She bought her phone from the gray market that means previously stolen and unblocked and now someone stole the stolen phone that she bought That's kind of the typical chain of events when it comes to high-end phones here in Latin America and one of the reasons I don't have one besides the fact the more expensive the phone the more ways and means to Track you and you know, it's stories like that that makes us gringles and expats when we first come down

[08:47] Anyway makes us think and generalize that Latinos are just sort of not ready for prime time We sort of generally downgrade their intelligence. Many of us are thinking they're not so very cognitively gifted You might say and many gringles and expats think Latin America is third world because there's a lack or short Of brainpower, you know picture Washington DC where everyone spoke Spanish But then you find the longer you live here. That's not true at all. There's some very brilliant Latinos However, they've got some fatal flaws just as first world people have fatal flaws, too And one of them is they're absolutely addicted to credit. They never save they're always putting on the dog and they have to look good Everywhere they go which is not in itself a flaw at all except when you're decked out and putting on the dog all the time

[09:35] Nope, the trick is you don't want to be living or walking through a dingy neighborhood with a real Rolex and real gold jewelry and you don't want to have a nice car if you don't have a protected parking place for it Yet when you drive through certain iffy crappy and dingy neighborhoods You'll see nice cars parked on the street everywhere Which is a bad move and asking for trouble and Latinos who do that No it's not the right thing to do but their sense of looking good all the time and their sense of fashion and That you are what you wear or you are what you drive mentality is so strong it overrides supersedes any of the other more logical and cautious measures that really should be the number one priority It's safe to say the phrase low-profile just like the word maintenance is not much on the radar here in Latin America

[10:21] I mean look how else can you explain the fact that practically every adult Latina has had her phone stolen often multiple times? And it's always a very expensive phone, too I mean look don't you think that the ease of being able to buy a stolen phone or a gray market phone? Would be a strong motivation not to have a high-end phone look everyone down here knows The buying and selling of stolen phones and unblocking them is a huge business here Meanwhile fashion putting on a dog and pretending you have money always seems to override the natural impulse to be cautious So looking fashionable and cool and showing off your wealth whether you've got it or not Versus the risk of getting robbed is a balancing act. I repeat Latinos and Latinas have no desire to maintain a low profile It's not in their culture. It's not in their psyche. It's not even on the radar, man

[11:10] I can't tell you how many times a Latina has said to me Johnny. You've got no rings no chains No bling why not you can afford it You're a gringo and for that I've been called a tech ano meaning cheapskate in Spanish Remember that word ta can yo if you hear it that means someone's calling someone else a cheapskate now That's not to say up in the states Americans Don't buy a lot of bling show off and put on the dog too I think most native-born Americans anyway once they've been robbed They generally will take enough precautions to make sure that never happens again the proof of that well Let me ask you do you know anybody who's had their cell phone stolen three times? How about two times? Well, I've known dozens of Latinos and mostly Latinas who have I know what you're thinking lots of you gringos and expats up there have the latest

[11:58] Modeled Samsung iPhone LG whatever and you're wondering about bringing it down well again I'm not saying you shouldn't buy one if you can afford one the thing is as a gringo or foreigner You're sticking to the more upscale nicer areas. You're living in a better neighborhood You're not standing in line waiting for the subway or chicken bus, and I don't think well I hope anyway you're not driving around with your windows down texting away in that case I've got no sympathy for you, and that's exactly what I told that young latina I said I know it's sad and it's a bad time for it to happen Christmas, but you know what you asked for it She agreed she didn't argue with me, but you know what was going through her head She was thinking about what her next step would be the ways and means to move on up and get another iPhone She said she was gonna buy used cheap phone for the time being until she could afford to move on up

[12:44] Whatever crazy number they're up to now and to me you know in the past life I was an engineer And I'm always thinking as people keep on moving on up to the next latest greatest iPhone or Samsung whatever What is that new model doing that the old model didn't nothing nada? Yeah, right like the average guy in the street needs a camera with more gigapixels than the Hubble telescope And you know that's where we're at right now, but you knew that already right oh and by the way for you listeners out There who smoke cigarettes here in Latin America. They've got their own brands and the well-known US brands now I know smoke But I know the local brands are around three bucks a pack And I think something like Marlboro's would be double that just to give you an idea how much cheaper it is down here to give Yourself emphysema or worse now

[13:29] I know cigarettes are twice or three times as much up in the States even worse in Canada Oh, and by the way the the upper middle class young Latino crowd I'd say age 20 to 35 They still think it's cool to smoke and though alike up in the States and Canada and Europe It's prohibited to smoke in buildings down here in Latin America since most bars restaurants and hospitality Establishments have sitting and eating areas that stretch from the indoors to the outdoors now because a lot of those spaces aren't strictly 100% indoors the smoking rules down here are much less strictly enforced alright enough said about that hey remember last week I think it was I told you what my grandpa once said about work He said unless you were a logger a miner or a farmer. You don't know what work is well

[14:16] I got an email from Jamie. He said Johnny that may be true, but my grandfather has a better definition of work He says if you've never worked a job Where some body part or muscle doesn't hurt by the end of the day you don't know what work is hey I've had jobs like that when I was going through high school and university I had lots of skanky jobs my worst one by far Was the summer when I was the head of the dead dog crew at the Chicago Street Department? I spent a whole summer picking up dead dogs environments I mean you gotta wonder when a dog gets hit on the road or a cat is dead laying in the gutter How come after a couple of days that roadkill is mysteriously gone at least you hope so well in the summer After I graduated from high school and started engineering school I was that guy captain of the dead dog crew now

[15:04] I don't know if I ever told this story before I don't know if you want to hear it After ten years in a thousand and eighteen shows I can't really remember if I ever told you that story It's kind of a long one very interesting and unique if you want to hear it Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com because otherwise if I did tell that already I don't want to blow ten minutes here retelling it just know that if you ever meet me and shake my hand You're shaking the hand that touched two thousand dead dogs And a variety of other dead varmints like raccoons deer fox and the nastiest and scankiest of all possums Yeah, chored little creatures And you know I discovered that if you're coming up on a dead possum in the sun and the light angle is just right With that rat like face and dirty dishwater blonde fur you'd swear it was Hillary taking a nap no offense

[15:52] I mean to the dead possum oh and one more recent event that struck a nerve with me You know Jill Biden reminds me of a Latina not that she looks like one is sexy or has any of their pizzazz It's that thing about insisting people call her doctor because that's the same sickness that profanes Latin America You see any and all Latinos who have any kind of a degree at all even fake degrees Which can be bought down here fairly cheap well you better believe that Latinos and Latinas are obsessed with titles in fact Did you know that engineers here in Latin America are always referred to in person as Ingenero so-and-so you can't be just plain John Bill or Harry the engineer no here in Latin America It's considered improper and in bad form and against tradition not to use the word engineer in front of a person's name

[16:39] I'm talking about even an everyday Conversation for example suppose you're at a power plant and there's a mechanical engineer there and five of his workers If you just sit and listen to them as they're conversing even just shooting a breeze the workers will always use the word engineer in front Of the name you'll hear isn't that right engineer Johnny. How's the traffic engineer Harry? That's a custom. You'll never hear use in the first world same thing goes for architects in any even lame-ass degree It's how's it going architect oluis. Please turn on the light architecta Silvia And again, it's something you'll never hear up in the first world. I know I know it sounds so pompous and overblown Like Jill Biden and the worst of it for me when a person just gets a bachelor's degree in whatever here in Latin America That entitles you to use the term

[17:27] La Sensiado or La Sensiada if it's a woman as a title in front of your name now in the states if you get a bachelor's Degree, it's like getting a high school diploma, right? In fact, there is no term like there is in Latin America for someone with a bachelor's degree So for example if you're sitting in the car repair shop and the Latino guy next to you is a history teacher Let's say when his car is ready the mechanical walk-in and say all finished with your car. Let's send Seattle It's tip-top Believe me It's something that takes a while to sink into your head that a person with a mere bachelor's degree here in Latin America is kind of Automatically elevated to a certain spot in society, which is okay I mean, you know you get a bachelor's degree that does set you apart a little bit But does everyone in the world have to know that as soon as you walk into a room?

[18:13] It really is to us like a joke But Latinos take that crap very seriously However, if you as a gringo think you're committing a faux pas by not calling Let's say a history teacher Let's send Seattle or listen Seattle not to worry because gringos and gringos are never expected to follow the party line We're excellent heroes foreigners, and we don't know all those little formalities We make lots of faux pas and they cut us a ton of slack however if a Latino fails to follow that protocol in the presence of a superior being with a Bachelor's degree in PE physical therapy or african-american studies In other words if a Latino doesn't use that prefix of respect listen Seattle or listen Seattle That would be a lack of respect and an embarrassing no-no

[18:59] However friends who are professionals drop it and just call their friends by their names Just like doctors in the states who are friends don't call each other doctor So-and-so as for me when I first got down here many years ago, and I saw those terms being thrown around I thought man. This is ridiculous. What kind of pompous BS is that until I realized in a way? It all related to lag time because you see when I was a young kid in the 60s and 70s Most middle-class and lower middle-class Americans were just starting to have kids who are graduating from college in fact I knew loads of American families who were so proud that little Harry Johnny or Mikey Was the very first person in the whole family to ever get a college degree In fact a bachelor's degree back in the 50s 60s and 70s was a really big thing

[19:45] I know I know now it's like a high school diploma, but back then it was in fact back in the 60s and 70s only about 5% of American adults had bachelor's degrees or better and now it's 40% well you see here in Latin America It's that lag time thing It's like back in the 60s and 70s in the states less than 5% of adult Latinos have a bachelor's degree or better So it really is a big thing to a latin family He instantly becomes for lack of a better term the fair-haired boy or girl even though if you spot a fair-haired latino It's certainly a dye job you get the point anyway be prepared to be confronted with a wall of fame if you're walking to Any latinos house that would be the guy that went to college you'll see every award and diploma He's ever got since he was six years old all nicely framed in group in a sort of a wall of fame

[20:34] And it doesn't matter if a guy took a two-hour course in bar room dart throwing you'll see that diploma hanging somewhere in the house As well bottom line Latinos are nuts for awards medals banners and diplomas I guess that's why when you see a Latin military guy. He's got so much fruit on his chest It's beyond ridiculous like a bad joke. I mean really do you ever see Nicolas Maduro? You know the corrupt lard ass president of Venezuela dressed in his military uniform the guys never fought a battle But he's got 700 multi-colored doohickeys and gummy bears pinned to his chest What a pathetic excuse for a human being meanwhile in news from the states the year 2021 is when new minimum wage laws kick in for a number of US states with a goal of all that minimum wage

[21:21] Legislation for at least 20 US states to raise their minimum wage to 15 bucks an hour by 2026 So what's that got to do at Latin America? Well listen up You know, California, Connecticut, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York and Florida and DC already at or near 15 bucks an hour as a minimum wage Meanwhile back in Latin America. I me Johnny have a cleaning lady two days a week I pay her 20 bucks a day Not an hour a day. She comes at 8 in the morning leaves 6 at night. That's 10 hours give or take and I never set her Hours, that's just how she does it at 20 bucks a day and she's happy to have it In fact when I first hired her some months ago, I didn't pick that $20 a day number

[22:06] She did I asked her in the interview how much she wanted a day now I knew the going rate for most maids and cleaning ladies off the couture's trail That is is around 15 bucks a day and when she said she'd like to have 20 I said fine and her eyes lit up because I don't think she expected me to agree to that By the way You have to know that most all Latinos here in Latin America know that Minimum wages in the states are from five to ten times as high as they are here in Latin America And that's one of the biggest draws for the sweaty uneducated masses to make that dangerous trip and pay the coyotes Now, of course Latinos don't have the kind of money coyotes charge It's generally five to ten thousand bucks a person to sneak them into Texas or wherever but the thing is you see It seems like every city or even the neighborhood here in Latin America has a facilitator

[22:53] A press the most hefe that it'd be a guy who's connected with the coyotes who lends you the money to pay them on Of course a long-term payment plan. Now, of course, he doesn't lend just any old guy who walks through the door the money He makes sure you at least have three to five Co-signers in your family. So if you don't send back the monthly payment, he's got someone in your immediate family to squeeze In other words, it's basically a loan shark operation And if you don't pay the vig someone in your family will or they'll get their legs broken all that risks Just because Latinos are aware of US minimum wage and of course government benefits Which in itself is kind of strange because most illegal Latinos up in the states Make less than minimum wage because hell they're working illegally and for cash and contractors, etc

[23:39] Know that so in reality that $15 an hour minimum wage for an illegal alien up in the states is pretty much a pipe dream For example in the state where the minimum wage is 15 bucks an hour and a legal Latino is lucky to make 10 bucks an hour But down here in Latin America The so-called American dream is a persistent myth that just won't go away when Latinos here through the grapevine $15 an hour government mandated minimum wage They think what a dream wage but being illegal say almost never get that In fact, I've noticed the very same thing in a microcosm in the Dominican Republic The country's got a huge immigration problem immigration of Haitians illegally yet nearly every construction crew is jam-packed full of Haitians They do the dirtiest crappiest jobs digging trenches mix and cement hauling blocks doing roofing

[24:27] Oh, that's the worst all that with the government mandated minimum wage of around $300 a month Yet the average Haitian makes about half of that off the books cash on the barrel. Of course I saw the very same thing in Costa Rica with Nicaraguan illegals and they're everywhere, too They're working for half the Costa Rican minimum wage, which is around 500 bucks a month now notice the devil's in the details I've mentioned all the time that Costa Rica has got one of the highest costs of living in all Latin America Equal to many places in the states because of all the gringos flooding in of course You can figure that out by just looking at the minimum wage 500 bucks a month whereas in most of the rest of Latin America, it's around 300 a month So based on minimum wage figures You can project ahead that the cost of living in Costa Rica is almost twice what it is

[25:16] Most everywhere else in Latin America with a few exceptions like Panama parts of Mexico Argentina and most all tourist destinations And finally, if you heard the last expat files show you'll know that I had to postpone my January 2021 seminar So then what's the projected date of launch? I've been getting that question a lot lately Well, I'm projecting that it'll be in March or April It all depends on when countries and airports are gonna drop that PCR test You know that most European and Asian countries are accepting that five-minute fast-track saliva test because it's a much better test it shows if you're contagious at that moment and it's only from one to three dollars a Hit and that is why the US has not adopted it yet because it's a huge money maker for big pharma and the labs and the clinics

[26:03] And testing sites at least a hundred bucks a crack. It's a revolt in development. I know it's sick I mean that you've got politicians making those decisions when they can't do anything right They can't run a single program, right without just tons of graft kickback corruption and intolerable inefficiencies You've got those malignant dickheads making the rules and decisions for you But you knew that already, right? So anyway, as soon as they approve that rapid test or drop that brutal stick up your nose PCR test completely as many countries are Starting to do right now. That's what my next expat insider seminar will launch once again. I'm thinking that'll be March or April Oh and one more thing. I'm almost positive. This will be the last seminar You'll be able to tend where you don't have to have that dreaded vaccine because it's gonna be mandatory to fly

[26:50] You know, it's coming So if you're like me and are absolutely against taking that vaccine and you're serious about getting that plan be going and you should be you should Seriously be thinking about signing up for my upcoming expat insider seminar Oh in this you might want to know the people who already signed up for the seminar that was postponed The majority did not want a refund. They re-upped. They are coming to the next one All right And finally there might not be a show this coming Sunday because of the New Year's holiday and all that But if I do have time, I'll do one. So if you hear a repeat show for Sunday, you'll know I got caught up in the New Year's festivities. Otherwise, I'll be at the mic as usual for show number hard to believe 1019 you've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America

[27:36] If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com. No spamos