#1056 – The Expat Files: Life, Culture, and Challenges in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America the show that tells you just what it's like to live Work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started boy Are we gonna agitate some people today as a dog returns to its vomit? We're gonna revisit the subject of Covid yet vaccine hacks that are being tried here in Latin America and succeeding and man It's the kind of stuff you could never get away with up in the States, but down here

[00:46] Well, this is Latin America, you know, so definitely keep listening and pay attention cuz this is really amazing stuff disclaimer here I'm not advocating you do anything illegal again I'm just pointing out what a lots of astute and very smart expats are doing in response to the lunacy involved with the Covid it vaccine and their response to it It's kind of like a situation in the military where your commanding officer gives you an order that's unjust or immoral Most subordinates will obey because if they don't they'll get court-martialed or end up in the slammer Whereas a few others who have a strong moral compass will just refuse to do it and accept the consequences In other words, it's black and white in the military There are no hacks and when given an order that's unjust or immoral you do it or suffer the consequences That's how things are up in the States. But here in Latin America

[01:32] Well rules can be very flexible meant to be bent even broken. We'll get to that story in a minute But first the question is why do dogs and politicians return to their own vomit? Well, you'd be better off asking what is the meaning of life? Anyway on a lighter and less disturbing note, you know I mentioned many times before that Latinos love clothing with English words and sayings on them You know t-shirts sweatshirts even if they don't understand what they actually say doesn't matter having English sayings on your clothes It's cool in fact it was a time many years ago when very few Latinos had any such thing and when I first started going back and forth to Latin America and getting some boots on the ground in the 1980s Latino friends would tell me when I asked them you want Me to bring anything back. They'd say yeah play it as Americanas por favor

[02:19] That'd be American t-shirts, of course with English words and phrases on them And when I bring them back down and pass them around to them, it was like Christmas time Of course nowadays, they make most of those t-shirts here in Latin America so they're everywhere which brings me back to the original point that Latinos rarely know the words and phrases on their own t-shirts unless Of course, it's a simple thing like a sports hero or sports team So anyway, just yesterday I was in a bank and a 20-something Latino guy with the requisite tattoos and fake gold necklace bling walked in with a t-shirt that said get this now Assholes are people too Well truer words were never imprinted on a t-shirt and I thought maybe he doesn't maybe he doesn't know what it really means Though it's a hell of a statement Nevertheless, nothing I'd ever wear why state the obvious now speaking of expat Eddie because that vaccine hack

[03:09] I was telling you about earlier has everything to do with him the other day He phoned me up and said John do you think in the future? there'll be a white people museum where woke people will pay to see what white people used to be like like they pay to go To see World War two battlefields and Civil War cemeteries and places like Hitler's bunker and Auschwitz Then Eddie said now here's an idea a white privilege museum But if I did it he said I'd make sure there was some mention of the ninety nine point nine nine percent of inventions Discoveries and conveniences like modern medicine the internet computers and smartphones Created almost exclusively by those dastardly white privileged scientists doctors and engineers Think about it Eddie said if we could just turn back the hands of time and eliminate from our past history all those white privileged a-holes

[03:54] Right now we'd be huddling around the campfire with our trusty slingshots Wasting wavits chewing beef jerky sharpening up the arrow points and marveling at the wonders of nature Wondering if we're ever gonna make it to that ripe old age of 35, but I digress man But that's what expert Eddie had to say and I thought he had a point there Oh, and by the way, here's a little romantic advice and some tips for all you guys I'm talking about men who come on down here to Latin America Don't want to leave you women you bring us out But this advice solely applies to men you see once you arrive here in Latin America You'll soon start to realize that ladies latinas that is pretty much address everyone They meet casually with the term a more which means love of course If not a more they'll use the word got in yo which translates to sweetheart again

[04:41] It's kind of a throwback to ladies in the 40s 50s and 60s back in the states who often would address a person They didn't know too well at all as sweetheart darling or honey back then everyone knew it was not about romance at all Just a friendly figure of speech And if you recall in a lot of the early gangster movies in the 30s and 40s Even guys would call their friends and acquaintances sweetheart. You might remember those Cagney and Bogart movies You're asking for it sweetheart Though now that we're in the 21st century people don't use those terms much anymore Not with people they don't know But here in Latin America a girl gets into a cab it's take me to so-and-so street Carino or Amor You're talking to the bank teller and she says what can I do for you today Carino? Meaning sweetheart That's why here and there you hear from fresh green gringos

[05:27] That they believe the lady on the phone the operator or customer service lady The bank teller or young lady at the hardware store is passing them subtle romantic signals. I'm here to tell you you're wrong Oh, that's not to say most latinos wouldn't love to have a gringo boyfriend husband Whatever because you know that gringo advantage and all that comes with being a gringo even the poorest of us on a $1,500 a month social security check is making about three or four times the average bank teller wage But that's not what we're discussing here We're discussing the fact that ladies here in Latin America seem so much more friendly and throw that love and Carino thing around so often That sometimes we that is us gringos and express especially fresh new green ones get the wrong idea Remember they're just being the nice normal friendly obliging selves So guys keep that in mind the next girl you casually meet when she throws around those terms

[06:16] She does it to everyone don't think you're special though If there really is a spark there you could pursue it it might work Especially if you've noticed that she looked at your right hand for a second most often she's checking for a wedding ring Oh, and did you know that in most latin american countries the wedding ring goes on the right hand not the left Now as far as catching a lady scoping out your right hand many gringos I've known over the years have mentioned that even shopping at the hardware store or at a local food mart They've noticed that too just saying so all you sneaky guys out there beware if you take off your wedding ring She still just might notice the lack of the tan mark where that ring was removed Because you know down here the sun is strong and your hand will tan too again Just saying women have an eye for things like that Especially here in latin america where a whole lot of cheating is going on which brings us to this email a true gringo

[07:03] Expat success story and so much more this comes from one of my expat insider seminar alumnus. Mr. M Who's made a real great transition to life here in latin america. Mr. M entitles this email 2.5 years into my new latin american life Now remember the stories he tells in this email might sound wild and crazy, but they could happen to you They happened to me. So let's get into this and i'll comment where needed. He says. Hi, johnny It's been about two and a half years since I moved down to latin america things are going. Well I've been bouncing around between columbia guadamala and mexico. I'm here in guadamala city now for the fourth time I even started a successful online business here. I'm up to about 15 employees now Also reversed an undiagnosed health problem that was present for at least five years before I landed here

[07:53] Yes, life is much better down here today. I've got a couple of questions for you johnny Number one. I moved into a really high-end building here in guadamala city. The apartment is a palace It even has five working bathrooms. Haha a great rooftop pool jacuzzi sauna a couple of lounges and a cinema My place is much nicer than my friend's places So my spot is a place to be a place that people come for pool parties, etc Obviously everyone who comes takes photos for social media purposes because it is a really nice place I even post a few photos myself. Sometimes my question is what's the danger here? Do you think I might be targeted by criminals? All right me johnny here. Let me answer that question before we get deeper into this mr Em, it all depends who you're hanging out with and if most of your new friends are once you met in that building

[08:39] That means they're on the same level as you Socioeconomically speaking and no one's going to target you for anything because they've already got what they need and they're living in nice places However, if you start inviting people from outside of your immediate vicinity People you meet on the street and the bars health clubs malls, etc They could seem very nice problem is most gringos are very friendly and they'll invite people over to their house They don't know very well. They don't have the backstory when I first arrived. I was guilty of that too So rule number one You should never invite anyone over to your house socially unless you know Where they live because the neighborhood a person lives in tells everything about them Remember everyone down here is putting on the dog number two if you don't know a person's backstory Don't invite them in your house and really i'd make it a rule that no one gets to take selfies or pictures your place either Why should you let them then you're inviting every idiot on fakebook and instagram to have a look at your place and what you've got

[09:30] Oh, and if you're living in a high-end district or building you'll be rubbing shoulders with high-level politicians bureaucrats and military types, too Funny thing is they'll always seem to have a lot more things and money that their salary could possibly support funnier yet If you're their friend, they'll always admit to work in certain angles. Meanwhile up by you politicians and high-level military types will lie But everybody knows they're working their own angles, too Whereas down here they're honest about being dishonest Now if you live in a high-end district you'll be tempted to wear bling and designer clothes like all the latinos in your area Nope, not good. I advise against it. If you do you're asking for trouble You don't want to stand out though. I know lots of gringleson experts come from that type of environment up in the states They're always keeping up with the joneses displaying what they have

[10:15] Addicted to posting that stuff on anti-social media, too When you do that you're stacking the odds against yourself because you know If I was a thief and I think i'd be a pretty good one That would be exactly the kind of person i'd want to target a bad guy wouldn't think of robbing a backpacker when there's a lady Across the street sitting in her range rover dicking with her cell phone with the window rolled down So mr. M though, it might be a bit too late. I think you have to lay down some rules for your guests Now I don't want to scare you But you can be sure the inside of your apartment and probably your face too is in the cloud and smartphone memory Of everyone who's been there and all their hundreds even thousands of fake internet friends As you know most upscale latinos and especially their kids are very materialistic And absolutely love to post where they've been on anti-social media and visiting your place with the lounges the pool the jacuzzi

[11:03] And the cinema while having a gringo friend like you gives them supreme bragging rights because as mentioned in previous shows Upscale latinos love to have a gringo friend. It's a feather in their hat more bragging rights Now there are of course upscale latinos that aren't superficial and shallow Maybe someday i'll even meet one and of course, there are millions of upscale americans in the states with that same attitude But believe me you ain't seen nothing yet until you mix with the upscale crowd down here That's when you'll truly know the extent of the term extreme gringo wannabe ism. Yep another ism You heard it here first. I just invented it But note if you're living smack dab on the gringo tourist trail You probably won't have much of a chance to meet too many upscale vip latinos They're really high rollers or way up in the military or government But when you're living off the gringo tourist trail

[11:49] You'll be amazed at how fast that crowd sucks you right in for example some years ago before I was in the house I'm in now I lived in a nice gated guarded community just outside guadamala city and there were all kinds of so-called High rolling latinos living there though. A lot of them were simply putting on the dog A good percentage of them were months behind on their maintenance payments Aside from that one guy a couple of doors down was a general in the guadamalan army He was one of two guadamalan generals. I got to know pretty well He was to pass by walking his dog every day soon enough He started inviting me to his house and then to parties he even invited me to a special ceremony where The president of the country awarded him some metal for some stupid thing or other Oh and besides drinking his hobby was amateur woodworking And we saw I had a whole bunch of woodworking equipment in the garage myself

[12:35] All of a sudden one day a military van pulled up in front of my house and a couple of grunts offloaded about 10 Beautiful teak planks about a foot wide two inches thick and about eight foot long I was astounded because I knew up in the states that amount and quality of wood would cost me a couple of grand at least He said if you need more let me know because you see he said up north towards mexico and the very Unpopulated areas of guadamala. It's all jungle and loaded with teak forests Anyway, we had lots of nice long talks and that's when he told me a startling fact He said one stealth bomber in the u.s Just one cost as much as one entire year's outlay in money for the guadamala military It's hard to wrap your mind around that isn't it? It's a fun fact That's rather comforting when you think about it

[13:21] That means the military in a country like guadamala is so underfunded and ill-equipped really not much of a threat to anyone at all And that's a good thing. Oh, and did I tell you that guy could really drink? There's something else I didn't know and you probably didn't either He said all the high ranking generals kernels and such did mandatory training. Guess where in the u.s Some kind of agreement all latin american friendly countries have with the u.s High ranking officers get a free trip to the u.s to train outside of washington dc somewhere for a few months By the way, his english was excellent. And did I tell you how much this guy could drink? So as I got invited to more and more parties I soon enough realized that almost all the kernels and the generals in the guadamalan army As well as honduras panama el solvador in most latin countries Nearly all the high ranking military guys were taller and lighter skinned than the grunts

[14:10] In fact, my general buddy was half guadamalan and half italian So he was really white and rather tall now I was never so indiscreet as to ask him why that was so but it was obvious that the officers training schools You know their version of west point and all that much preferred tall privileged latinos in their ranks to put it another way The military forces in latin america as well as those pus bag political elites display the most blatant Classism that i've ever seen but i've learned that's not something they want to discuss, but I digress. Where were we? Oh, yeah Mr. M's second question this question absolutely relates to what we've been talking about number two He says johnny i've been rubbing shoulders with some of the local elite The owner of a famous rum company keeps a next-door apartment as a party apartment

[14:56] And just last weekend. I was on my balcony and these three drunk columbian models came out onto their balcony And invited me over to that place Nice work if you can get it also last week. I met a nephew of the vice president of guadamala I went out with him a couple of times along with his bodyguard who was as cool as a cucumber I don't know if you watched the show breaking bad But this bodyguard had that vibe of an assassin that cleans up crime scenes Just like a guy on that show to me. He didn't seem like the garden variety bodyguards here They stand around and kind of look bored all the time. It got me a little worried thinking Maybe there was some kind of narco involvement So I tried to distance myself a bit from the guy, but he seems to want to hang out more and more with me All right, mr. M. Just another comment here

[15:42] Can't you see since you're living way off the gringo tourist trail? You are that very definition of the gringo upscale latin's want to have as a hangout buddy You know expat eddie who's made his mark here in latin america He's got plenty of upscale latino acquaintances who want him as their gringo hangout buddy, too Though he says he mostly avoids it sometimes. He does go out with him Oh, and if you come down to my next expat insider seminar, I hope it launches before the end of the year All depends on those brain dead covid it's in charge Anyway, if you come down you'll get to meet captain mango who has similar tales of being yanked into upscale latino society Simply by virtue of the fact that he moved into an apartment complex and was the only gringo in the place and his landlord A pretentious upscale gringo wannabe decided he wanted the good captain to be his gringo hangout buddy

[16:30] Captain mango has tales to tell believe me but back to mr. M's email. He says johnny I've been trying to distance myself from the guy who's the nephew of the vice president of guatemala But he still wants me to be his hangout buddy Now here's a bit of a funny story. My new friends invited me to a popular bar in a nice upscale area of guatemala city All right. Let's stop for a second. Meet johnny here. He mentions the name But i'm not going to say it on the air because I know that place Well, my band played there a couple of times and we got stiffed by the owner an australian drunk Who's also a well-known wife beater? It just goes to show you that gringos and expats even irritable Dislikeable dickheads like the australian guy can become big successes simply because they build a better mousetrap Which ain't hard considering latin american competition Anyway, mr. M says some of my friends invited me to this bar

[17:18] And so I brought my new friend in his stoic bodyguard He orders a beer takes one sip eats half of my other friend's pizza Then says he's bored leaves and pays the bill for the whole damn table. Haha some exit The question is johnny, is it dangerous for me to associate with someone so closely connected to the government? Well, here's my answer Two words no worries. It's good to have friends in high places even if they're corrupt Well, they're all corrupt and here's how I play it I have some latin buddies like that and I remain friends with them and they do invite me to stuff and I don't go To all the events. That's for sure. I pick and choose them, but I pretty much never invite them to anything So I remain in contact in case, you know, I do need a quick favor. I remain on good terms But don't get too personal at all. So then what do I mean by in case I have to call in some favors?

[18:06] Well, suppose I needed some passport or residency paperwork and it's clogged up in the system Like things will do and even worse with the covid it stuff Just a phone call to one of these connections and that stuff can get untangled in a new york second You know, it can be exciting and feels a little dangerous sometimes when you're with them These guys will elevate your adrenaline now if your life's boring Maybe you could use a little excitement injected into your life The thing is when you get older, you don't want to look back and say to yourself Maybe I should have taken a chance gone to that party taking that trip Old people tell me all the time. There's nothing worse than having those kinds of regrets Would you rather lay on the couch this weekend stare at your iphone or watch the tube? If that suits you you can stay in cleveland. You don't need to get out of that By the way, if you're wondering what kind of business mr Ex-pat m has created for himself

[18:53] He says he offers a virtual course teaching new salespeople how to network and find online jobs He says he's got a facebook group of 7000 people which we organically market to with content and facebook lives Whatever that is The obvious benefit he says of running it virtually is that we run people through our course constantly. Well, mr M congratulations nice going and finally he says johnny if you're ever downtown guadamala city and want to meet up and hang out Just let me know i'll be here for the next three months or so sign. Mr. M. Well, thanks for that. Mr M. Keep checking in will you i'm waiting for that invite to one of your parties Now speaking of getting out of dodge I begin getting tons of emails from people putting their own plan b together like for example, mr E who's signed up for the next sex pad insider seminar?

[19:39] It says hey johnny We were on our way to applying for panama residency and now they once again lock down parts of the country We were there in february when the arm guard checkpoints and lockdown curfews were right in our faces Why should we escape from one tyranny for one that might even be worse? Please don't say you told me so I should have listened Though I did listen to you on bitcoin and ethereum great story here I was on vacation in florida walking on the beach listening to your podcast and you explained a bit about ethereum I had some bitcoin, but nothing else at the time I had just read a few other things about ethereum too and your recommendation was the tipping point for action In the middle of the beach. I pulled out my phone and bought a bunch of it when it was under 1200 bucks Boom. All right me johnny here. Yep. He's tripled his money at least

[20:26] Anyway, he says we have a trip planned in june in july for two and a half weeks in panama and two and a half weeks in Guatemala We've been in touch with a panama lawyer for preliminary steps, but have not committed any funds The draw for us for panama was the cost the ease of travel into panama city and the limited number of days You have to spend in the country and ultimately the pensionado benefits. They give retirees We also enjoy the beauty of the bouquet area and the beaches around old town panama city But guadamala too has its advantages. It's beautiful and seems to be a bit less authoritarian than panama We tried to attend your seminar, but you gave us a refund when the covid it panic hit we thank you for that But is there a way we can just work with your attorney and make all of this happen regarding residency and such

[21:13] Outside of the seminar. Can you put us in contact with him? Appreciate any help and thanks for the twice a week reality check signed Mr. E. Thanks for that. Mystery. No problem Sure thing about getting in touch with the seminar lawyer matter of fact getting residency and going to the seminar are two separate things But they can be combined in the same trip many people come down just for the seminar And they don't get their residency started at all Or they wait a couple of months or years before they get going at it Others get started right away on it and some people Have to arrange things up in the states and it takes time Could take weeks months or years to get your personal life in order But again, they're two separate things you can come down I'll introduce you to my lawyer and you could get started on residency and skip the seminar completely Or you can come down to the seminar or do both though

[21:59] It's much more convenient to do both because you're here and don't have to make an extra trip down killing two birds with one stone Oh and one more thing when people say to me johnny I got started already on my residency in panama mexico urgoi Whatever it's in progress, but things have changed. I don't much like their government anymore You think I should just cut my losses and skip it? Well, my opinion the more the merrier especially if the object is to eventually get nationality and a passport So if you're in the process of getting residency somewhere and it's not complete yet I'd advise even if you're not looking to live in that country because you see some problems with it Do go through with the residency part. Anyway, it could very well come in handy. You never know Now speaking of panama and there's a lot of gringo expats there Well, I just found out from expat eddie that some of his friends there have come up with a very good covidiet vaccine hack

[22:48] Actually two different hacks. We're talking about people who absolutely refuse to get the vaccination, but they have to travel So somehow they got to prove they've got one turns out one of expat eddie's buddies in boketi panama speaking of boketi He walked into one of the covidiet vax clinics filled out the forms and paid for the vaccine And when he went into the cubicle and was told to roll up his sleeve He told the nurse a whopper. He said listen lady I had the vaccine back in the states a month or so ago and when I came down here to panama I got robbed my wallet some dough in my covidiet card too So here's what i'd like you to do if you can save that vaccination You're going to give me for someone else and just fill out a card for me I'm already vaccinated. All I need is a card showing i've been vexed. Of course. I paid for the vaccination

[23:34] He said to her give it to someone else who needs it and if you jab me right now again I'll be getting the vaccination twice and that's not good judging by all the side effects you read about and guess what? Sure, he told a whopper but it worked. Now, of course a movie like that would be impossible to pull off up in the states But down here, you know, this is latin america, but that's not all expat eddie told me of another gringo friend in panama He also had a very clever covidiet vaccine hack and the whole thing worked in his favor because he's of latino descent and his name Is strictly latino and not recognizably gringo at all. Here's how it worked He said to his maintenance guy you go down to the clinic and get faxed I'll pay for it He said and of course every p brain in latin america wants to get vaxed So he jumped at the chance and the gringo said but I want you to use my name

[24:21] So he gave his maintenance guy some dough He went down to the vax clinic stood in line waited at his turn filled out the forms and put his employer His gringo boss's name down so he got vaxed All right, but his covidiet passport cdc card has his boss's name on it Talk about killing two birds with one stone his maintenance guy ever so grateful that he got the stupid Vaccination because they're all convinced it works, you know, and his gringo boss got a vax card completely registered signed and sealed Of course his maintenance guy's gonna have to go back in three weeks and get the second dose But he's very glad to do it Again, that's something that can only happen in latin america or some other third world country where a certain amount of chaos and confusion prevails And strict and formal record keeping well, you know how latin americans feel about details

[25:08] Anyway, once again a disclaimer in no way am I advocating you do anything illegal? I'm just a messenger telling you about how certain gringos and expats hack or game the system when they feel big brother Or local government has gone off the rails. And finally today we've got reason five thousand four hundred and twenty six why it's absolutely Imperative for your own sanity to get the hell out of dodge now I'm reading an article about solar power that just came out yesterday coming out of australia It says in march the australian energy market commission aemc Released its draft of a new set of laws regarding solar and users wanting to integrate more small-scale solar power systems Into australia's power grid among the government proposals expected to pass the legislature Is one that taxes the number of solar panels you have on your house

[25:57] The taxes are slated to be a few cents per kilowatt power produced by your system Are you getting this in the future? It would appear that the biggest enemy to solar power will be your own government who will tax you For producing your own energy and if you think it's only happening in australia Well, it's going to spread to every first world country And i'll tell you why turns out the australian electric power company is very worried because so many australians have solar power And are going off the grid and selling power back to the grid the power companies are bleeding red ink Losing billions in revenue as more and more people go solar In fact power company bigwigs are predicting what they call a power grid death spiral They realize now people ditching the grid means ever decreasing revenues. But wait a minute. That's a good thing, right?

[26:45] That's a great thing. That was the point going solar so you don't have to pay those damn utility companies anymore So power company officials are saying as people get off the grid They'll have to massively jack up electric charges for customers remaining connected to it and that just wouldn't be fair So people with individual solar will have to subsidize them ain't socialism grand The fickle finger of government strikes again They're going to arbitrarily tax people who thought they were doing something good for themselves and the environment By the way, the australian government's calling it a sun tax Yeah, right punish people who've switched to solar power And if you don't think that same legislation is going to pass to the rest of the first world like the us Then you just ain't been paying attention Sun tax my ass. That's it. How's your plan b coming?

[27:33] You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com