#1331 – The Expat Files: Living with Dogs, Cultural Communication, and Traveling in Venezuela

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright, I'd like to give a shout out to all you flat earthers out there. I know there are two or three you guys listening By the way, the last couple of shows we were talking about dogs That is owning dogs in Latin America. I got a lot of feedback from people who do have dogs in Latin America

[00:50] Offering some tips and advice based on their own personal experiences For example, we got Jimmy. He says you should never have a long-haired dog unless you're living up in the LT Plano Not only he says because of the heavy rainies he's in that means half the year. They're gonna come into your house all monged up Caked with mud dirty and smelly and they're gonna bring all bad into the house Unless of course, they're really trained up, which is just not the case here in Latin America. You don't see that He says that alone should make you want to stay away from the long-haired kind But he says it's even worse if you live on the coast or in low altitudes and have a long-haired dog Then it's a case of them being lethargic and overheated Oftentimes he says they'll just sit around all day in the shade and pant

[01:37] Alright me Johnny chiming in, you know Long-haired dogs in Latin America have another problem. Most people don't talk about it. Gotta patas. That's right. Gotta patas With a G. Gotta pata. Yep here in Latin America. There are ticks They had just love attaching themselves to long-haired dogs short-haired dogs too, but not as much I've personally removed a few ticks from my Doberman's but funny enough I've had Rottweilers too, but never a tick that I have to remove Maybe ticks just don't like Rotties Man, I hate ticks and when I have to extract them from my dogs Oh just don't like it now of course ticks are only gonna be a problem if you live out in the boonies or have you know a nice big garden if Let's say you live in an apartment and just have a big balcony or a terrace a terrace. Yeah, I won't have to worry about ticks

[02:25] But then again, if you live in an apartment, even if you have a big terrace I wouldn't recommend having a big dog unless of course, you got a park nearby and some green space to give them exercise Oh, and by the way in this email Jim points out another thing that I'm seeing all the time down here Latin Americans just love Alaskan huskies They are an expensive breed to buy here and believe me, they're not at all comfortable in this climate Huskies are dogs that live in the ice and snow. They love it. They've got really long hair down here in the tropics They're miserable not so much in the Altiplano, but still they're not comfortable there either sure at night They're fine, but they hate going out in the Sun now if I was to ask a gringo on the street Why do you think Latin Americans love Alaskan huskies so much?

[03:12] I'm thinking only one in a hundred would nail the answer. Can you guess? Time's up. It's because they've got blue eyes Yes, believe it or not that latino super infatuation with blue eyes bleeds over to dogs Specifically to huskies because they're the only breed that has piercing blue eyes Come on. Would you have guessed that? That's why I always say and it's a fact if you're a gringa or gringo born up in the united states with blue eyes And in every other way you're a loser You come down here to latin america And you still will be somewhat of a superstar or at least whatever your miserable score was up in the states You could add two or three points once you get down here. Hey, i'm living proof. It happened to me

[03:57] You long-time listeners have heard me say this before on a good day up in the states. I was a six down here I'm an eight or a nine which brings us to another anomaly You'll run into once you get down here to latin america funny thing too. Talk about the laxity of things and the Unenforcement of laws here or spotty enforcement of laws here in latin america. I can remember being in many many Residential towers riding the elevator up to someone's apartment where i'm going to a party or something Then suddenly the door opens and some guy or gal and his dog walk out Even though there's a sign on the elevator and on the front door when you walk into the building that says No dogs for that matter guns allowed in this building In fact over the years i've rented a few apartments in residential towers and you have to sign a contract, right?

[04:48] You get a copy of the homeowners associations rules and regs and if you read through those things you'll find Almost every one of those contracts at least everyone i've seen says no dogs or pets allowed Meanwhile in every one of those residential towers some owner or another or maybe five or even ten owners Still despite the rules have dogs or other pets And unfortunately almost always little yappy ones like chihuahuas and minish nousers Yet the homeowner regs say no dogs allowed And of course me the gringo who comes from a place where they will strictly enforce rules like that I'm thinking how could that be? And i'm talking about in some real high-end residential neighborhoods You could understand if no one follows the rules if you live in a crappy patio neighborhood a dump

[05:37] But when you have upper middle class and rich folks living in your tower You'd think they'd follow the rules at least minimally but they don't Of course What that means is if you're going to rent or buy a place in a residential tower and when you walk in First thing you see in the lobby is a sign that says no pets Well, if you're a pet lover don't get completely discouraged If in the first couple of weeks, you see a dog in the elevator or you hear some yapping dog at night And the sound is coming from somewhere in your building. Then believe me. No one can stop you from having a dog as well Oh, but I should mention this little story. I was living in a residential tower And I went down to get my car in the parking garage and another car pulled up in the spot next to me It was unoccupied for some time was a gringo in that car and i'd never seen a gringo in that entire residential tower

[06:24] He was a new tenant. He asked me, you know, the usual questions how the place was run What was the management like what were the renters like and the owners? Turns out he'd only been living there a couple of days and he said one big thing already bummed him out He said according to the homeowner rules. He couldn't have a pet Which was very strange He said because when he first came over to see the place before he rented it He saw someone in the hall with a dog and he thought oh cool I'll get one too But he said when he finally moved in and he asked the administration guy at the front desk If he could clarify the specific rules about pets the administrator guy said they're not allowed Which confused me he said because I saw a person with a dog walking through the building And I mentioned that to the administrator in the lobby He said yeah, there are some people with dogs in this building, but they're grandfathered in whatever that means

[07:15] Now the gringo guy said his spanish wasn't good enough to actually argue with the guy or ask him questions So he let it lay after that. He said what he'd see a person from the building with a dog He'd think to himself. I don't get it. This isn't fair Anyway, then I said to the guy that was your first mistake I said grandfathered in that doesn't make sense. That's just bs. He's just giving you a line Then I said to him you should have just brought one in and said nothing. He said really how's that possible? Isn't that taking a big chance? I said look when I first moved in here a few months back There was a vacant apartment with a door right next to my entrance door And one day I saw a young lady maybe 28 years old moving in And trailing her on a leash with a yappy little dachshund And when she first introduced herself to me as she was moving in she said nice to meet you. I'm your new neighbor

[08:06] Oh, don't worry about my dog She said he'll settle down when he gets used to the place and he won't bark at all. I promise you I thought yeah, right But truthfully she wasn't lying that dog never barked Anyway, then I looked at that gringo and I said you get what i'm telling you here She just brought along her dog. Even all the rules say they're not allowed. Don't tell me she was grandfathered in She was a brand new tenant and there's building something like 10 years old How's it possible that she got her dog grandfathered in? That's bullshit. You see what I mean? Only in latin america. It's the same reason you see guys driving down the street with broken headlights and cracked windshields Even though that's against the transit rules

[08:53] And every cop's got to be well aware of it unlike in the states They never get stopped and ticketed for it. Like I said only in latin america All right moving on, you know a couple of shows ago. I was talking about latin american etiquette You know, it's different in some ways from first world or north american, etica Not necessarily better or worse just different For example, man, you got to be living down here a long long time to be able to pick this one out So this you might want to remember latinos are so much more polite than we are us first world gringos Even under adverse chaotic and even panicky situations They maintained a certain politeness a certain etiquette that sometimes we feel is hard to process For example, I know a 30 something latina who hasn't paid the rent on her apartment in four months

[09:40] Why because the hot water heater in her place broke four months ago And she sent various messages to the landlord or the guy she pays her rent to He just completely dropped the ball and never sent a maintenance guy over to fix it She said she'd been sending messages every couple of weeks. He keeps promising. They'll fix it and they never do So she said to me, you know, i'm not gonna pay my rent until they fix this thing Now I don't know if the guy she's communicating with owns the apartments But I know he collects the rents on lots and lots of apartments. That's his job Anyway, she's written the guy a number of messages on what's up saying she wasn't going to deposit The rent in the bank for him like she does every month Until that water heater gets fixed She said to the guy if you want the rent you have to come over and pick it up personally

[10:27] I want to talk to you face to face By the way, she roped me into having a look at it. I took the plate off it and saw Some parts had burnt out on the circuit board. So Obviously it wasn't an easy fix. She'd need a replacement circuit board I told her she'd have to keep pestering the landlord She says this has been going on for something like four months now They've been writing each other back and forth and still no action, but she hasn't paid him either To prove it. She showed me their correspondence on her. What's up messaging And of course, it's all in spanish But the thing that really shocked me is how cordial they had been speaking to each other now If this happened up in the states, man, it'd be a war be a big fight people be slamming each other accusations back and forth There'd be harsh words the blame game

[11:13] Imagine if your hot water heater was on a commission for four months Would you be fuming and incensed at your landlord or not? Well when I started reading those what's up messages that went back and forth between her and the landlord I thought man if I was up in the states with that kind of problem with my landlord I hate to say it, but we'd probably have ended up in court Anyway, she said her verbal battle with her landlord on what's up had been ongoing But when she showed me the text it was no battle at all They were super nice and extremely cordial to each other They'd both start out nicely with buenas dias or buenas tardes or buenas notches, you know, good morning. Good afternoon or whatever Then she'd say when can I expect you to fix my hot water heater?

[12:00] And he writes back may god be with you. You are such a good tenant. It's all being planned. Have a nice evening A couple of weeks later. She sends the same message because he didn't do a thing about it And he'd reply super nicely once again In fact, here's what he said Which roughly translates let the blessings of god rain down. How are you young lady? Then after another couple of weeks of inaction, she writes the same message again He writes back. Thanks. So very much for the information. Please advise me if you have any other difficulties Dios ben diga vimos pronto. We'll see each other soon and may god bless Couple of more weeks go by neither the guy nor a maintenance guy ever showed up

[12:49] She writes the same message and by now she's missed two months payment to the rent on purpose, of course He writes back two weeks later saying may the lord bless my favorite renter I hope all is well with you and yours again all in spanish, of course He says don't forget it's time to renew your contract next month. Thank you for your kind patience And don't forget with the new contract. There'll be a 10 increase in the monthly rent God bless you for being such a good renter A few more weeks go by she's missed three rent payments now She sends him the same message Good morning, sir. Hope you're having a good day Just stop by in person with your tools to fix my hot water heater and i'll be happy to pay my rent

[13:37] He writes back a couple days later I'll read this exactly. He said Mil gracias Which roughly translates to A thousand thanks and let god multiply your health and prosperity. Thank you so very much for your cooperation in this matter I'll let you know on what's up before I arrive Anyway, that chatter that pitter patter that messaging has been going back and forth for four months now Meanwhile during that time she's had no hot water and he hasn't had the rent money I'll tell you if that kind of thing was happening with landlord intended up in the states There'd be no flowery bullshit back and forth on what's up. That's for sure

[14:27] That's why it's hard to understand during all that time four months the conversation between them never got mean evil or even testy Now i've noticed for a long long time. That's the way the latino culture is Nothing wrong with being polite nothing wrong at all I've noticed latinos like to throw in a lot of compliments and cordiality before they ever get to the point Sometimes that could be a problem. You want to get to the point and latinos just take so damn long to get there The whole thing seems to somehow be intricately tied to manana time. I remember for example Getting a dent in my car fixed at a body shop Just recently too. It was really my error because I picked it up at night I discovered the next day in the bright light of the sun they'd screwed up with the paint a certain part didn't match Brought the car back and the shop guy

[15:13] Engaged in all kinds of compliments and small talk before he ever got around to looking at the car And I didn't really know this guy just met him when I brought my car in to get fixed Hell I had things to do. I didn't feel like sitting around looking to this guy Tell me about how his weekend festivities went Same thing will happen when you go into a doctor's office or a lawyer's office So often you'll find before they ever get to the point They'll end up talking about their families or vacations or last week's birthday or quince años party the daughter or son's graduation Often you'll have to get through a lot of small talk and a shitload of photos before you ever get down to business And you know, unless we got a lot of time on our hands us gringos and expats are just the opposite So that's why many latinos think we're kind of cold and hard, especially when it comes to business Oh, and by the way when it comes to getting those flowery complementary what's up messages

[16:04] I've gotten quite a few of those messages myself even from people you don't even know For example a while back. I rented an airbnb for a month in a residential tower And the landlord sent me one of those messages that said god bless you. Hope you're having a great day May you have nothing but happiness and good luck in your travels, etc, etc And he threw in jesus a couple of times too and then after all that super positive optimistic nonsense He said please note that tomorrow morning from eight to nine. They'll be fumigating the parking lot It's advisable to close your windows at that time. Thank you so much for your cooperation and understanding Hmm, you see what? I mean the preliminary rhetoric the compliments and the blessings from god Were longer than the actual point of the message, which basically was that tomorrow we're gonna dust your ass with toxic bug killer

[16:51] Hey, i'm not saying there's anything wrong with compliments and flowery verbiage under certain circumstances I mean, let's face it when you call someone up or you go into a meeting Based on a complaint or some kind of problem you're having why start out blasting all your guns? Why not tone down the stress levels with some flowery verbiage? There is a time and a place, you know, by the way speaking of text messaging in spanish Now you've heard me say a million times I hate what's up and I rarely use it except When you have to talk to your plumber or mechanic or a lawyer or make a doctor's appointment down here in latin america That's about the only way you could hook up with a professional or a builder or a maintenance guy As much as I hate what's up in the old days when it first came out It was a really good way for me to learn my spanish It was a great way to improve my spanish writing skills. Anyway, not that my spanish writing skills are anything to write home about

[17:42] I probably write in spanish as well as a 12 year old latino kid Then again, I don't think in all these years i've met a single latino or latina who's considered top-notch bilingual in english Who can write a personal or business letter in english without an error. It's rather strange The only latinos and latinas I know who can write a perfect english letter are the entitled children of the latino rich They send them to those expensive helicopter schools Where their english teacher's an actual american who they imported down to the school to teach the course So in that respect it really works But we're really talking about less than one percent of latino kids whose parents can afford those kinds of schools The problem is 99 percent of american kids can't write a perfect letter in english either

[18:29] Just saying anyway, one of the first things you'll notice When you're using whatsapp because you'll have to sometimes you'll notice right away that latinos and latinas Say the phrase ha ha you know h a h a ha ha they'll spell it J a j a and of course we'll pronounce it jaja jaja, but they'll pronounce it Because j sounds like our english h in spanish So if you've ever wondered when you saw the letters, j a j a what the hell's going on? It just means ha ha It's just something you should know. All right moving on. Let's take an email from tommy He says hi johnny A soon-to-be repeat seminar offender with recent guatemalan residency introduced me to your show

[19:17] As a fellow germany says actually i'm half german and have a phd in mechanical and industrial engineering So we have a lot in common i've traveled and live part-time in almost every latin american country and city And I have to say your show has surpassed the news the political and sports shows and everything Has my number one podcast to listen to on a daily basis I'm paraphrasing a bit here, but he says after traveling around so many latin american countries I have many many interesting and wild and crazy boots on the ground stories to share with you He says lately i've been doing less engineering and more traveling mostly Documenting the latin american scene like dance festivals celebrations and various parties

[20:03] He said i'm easy to spot i'm the gringo with the 50 pounds of the best camera equipment in the world strapped to my back So I do stand out a bit and can attract unwanted attention from thugs late at night So in effect some caution and luck is necessary in my case One confession I have to make though. He says unfortunately, I do like ragga ton That said johnny, I have a couple of questions for you today question number one Venezuela is the last southern american country that I have not visited Not including guyana, which I don't really consider to be a typical latin american country or with the typical latin american field Though I do have some friends. He says from venezuela and know of you who live there I'm still somewhat concerned about the trip

[20:50] I'm planning to get my visa to travel there via mexico city. I think that's the only way Any suggestions he asks on how to stay safe on that trip. I know there'll be some risk like false arrest bribes thugs theft But I figure if I let my local friends take me around it will be minimized In fact, he says I had one columbian friend who was going to hire security to go around with him in venezuela on a business trip I was also told to avoid ground entry In other words fly in because there are paramilitary groups along the brazil and columbia borders who will screw with you He says I will probably visit valencia caracas and maybe some mountain or beach areas and look for any dance parties to film So johnny, he says do you have any thoughts or suggestions regarding my venezuela visit?

[21:39] What's your own boots on the ground take? He says I personally can't wait to go to colonia tovar because it looks very german in a way similar to the germanish town of gramado in brazil All right, tommy. Let's start with that question. I know there's more in this email, but let's hit on the venezuelan thing Yes, i've been to venezuela a couple of times, but mostly around caracas And after having a venezuelan girlfriend and some venezuelan friends for a number of years I really did learn about the ins and outs and out of maneuver while you're there You're right. You don't want to enter by ground Now the fact is venezuelan people love americans, but the venezuelan government hates us And you know, they'll spot us in a second. By the way, we look and the police and the cops There's lots of them all over the streets. They will hassle you. They did me

[22:26] That's why I highly advise you fly in with a venezuelan at your side So when you land at the airport That person can guide you through smoothly Last time I went was with my venezuelan girlfriend and even at the airport There were a number of times I was pulled over to the side and she did all the talking And I just know if I had been on my own even though I speak spanish It would have cost me a ton of dough and a lot of time just to get the hell out of that airport Personally, I wouldn't even chance flying in on my own and having a venezuelan You know meet you at the airport because remember you got to go through customs pick up your baggage And go through a lot of security before you walk out those doors at the airport to meet anyone venezuelan friends, etc Again, my advice is stay out of trouble to not get hassled

[23:11] You have to hook up with a venezuelan friend immediately Especially if you make yourself obvious by filming everything the cops and the military guys will hassle you though one of my venezuelan buddies insists that it's a lot safer than it used to be because All the venezuelan street criminals and bad guys are up in the states now He wasn't joking. In fact, I've been told by a number of venezuelans. That was maduro's plan He took his playbook from the castro brothers who opened up their prisons in the 70s and 80s And let them all leave on those boat lifts to miami. Remember those? I remember when they were housing cuban immigrants in stadiums in miami Most of them criminals and people with sicknesses like aids who could have predicted? It was just a small preview of what's happening today in the us and practically every state

[23:59] Oh, and by the way tom for a real boots on the ground story a long-time listener and friend An ex-us military guy gringo married a venezuelan girl and he's living in caracas right now He said his neighborhood used to be a very good and safe neighborhood one of the best and now he said it's a disaster He hears gunshots every night. He says one morning He was going out open the door and saw a dead guy laying on his front doorstep By the way last time I was in caracas a few years back I heard gunshots every night too and I was in a supposedly nice safe hotel commercial business and tourist district All right. Here's another question from expat tom He says johnny any suggestions about improving my voice quality recording at home Other than a full sound studio. I wonder if the little inexpensive foldable desktop isolation filters help

[24:49] They basically wrap around the microphone Well tommy got a question for you. Do you think my audio recordings are pretty good? What I mean is the sound coming through nice and professional and clean Because you know what I had a very expensive microphone it fell down broke A steinheiser model made in germany They're about 500 bucks. Anyway Since i've got a lot of band equipment all over the place When my really good mic fell down and broke I plugged in the old band standby, which is a sure m58 one of those Golf ball microphones you see almost all bands and singers using they're about 100 bucks Anyway, I got a lot of those laying around. So that's what i'm using right now

[25:35] And i've been using that for the last three years And to eliminate the pop, you know when you say peas and stuff I bought a package of 12 foam covers. They go right over the ball a package of 12 Maybe 10 bucks on amazon and I change them out after every show because you know, you're constantly breathing and spitting on them and stuff I know it sounds gross, but there's no other way to explain it. So about once a month I wash them all out with soap and water Dry them and use them again. Remember I use one for each show But the question is to your ear you guys and gals listening out there is the audio quality pretty good I've had people tell me there's no difference between what my show has sounded like Let's say in the last three years and what it sounded like before when I use the 500 mic

[26:20] Oh, and when i'm on the road I have a different mic altogether a tiny little portable mic a usb plugin And you know people have never complained about the sound of that one either And I think that mic only cost me I think 30 or 40 bucks So if any of you guys out there are into doing remote podcasts, you know, you're on the road a lot Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and i'll send you a photo of my microphones and the portable one Brand names and where you get them and all that Now remember the portable mic the usb mic doesn't need a preamp, but it's still really cool and really good Though I did fail to mention my steinizer mic and the sure m58 that i'm using right now They both need a mixer slash preamp and from there into the computer mic jack or usb port Now my little mixer slash preamp unit costs about 100 bucks

[27:09] And if you want to see exactly what I use send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And i'll send you some photos and where to get it Of course i'm assuming you think that the quality of my recordings is pretty good If not, no one's really complained. So the audio quality must be good enough, right? Or not Oops, we're getting towards the end of the show. I couldn't finish off that email. So we'll get to it next time right away You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b send me an email the expat files at gmail.com