#1091 – The Expat Files: Lending, Paint, and Driving in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here So let's get started and now from the crap that goes wrong department Of course, there's crap that goes wrong and crap that goes very wrong So let's start out today with crap that just sort of pisses you off But first a word of advice for all you gonna bees wannabes and expats already living down here

[00:49] You should never lend Latinos anything No pots no pans. No lawnmowers. No hoses or garden rakes Especially don't lend them your car unless you're like a lot of gringos. You have a good car and a beater You can lend them the beater. They can't make it much worse But as for letting out anything else forget about it Why because ninety nine point nine percent of the time they'll never come back in the same condition. You gave it to him Doesn't matter if the Latino guy or gal is your best friend. Oh, and it doesn't matter if what you lend them Appears to be indestructible. Let's say a sledgehammer or a simple screwdriver or shovel even stuff That seems almost impossible to destroy or ruin. It'll come back muddy scratched bent rusted dented

[01:34] I'm just warning you now. Oh And if you do lend stuff out There'll be times when you don't get it back unless you ask for it and you might have to do that rather sternly But then again, we've all got friends up in the States who are pretty much the same way It goes for relatives too. Sometimes it's mostly relatives. Of course, this is not an indictment of the whole society or Latin culture But compared to up in the first world Where you can normally at least count on whatever you've lent out being returned in decent condition Well, I'm just giving you notice if you do that down here just expect the worst In fact, I know lots of gringas living down here who are or have been very generous with their clothes makeup and personal items I'll lend this stuff to their Latina friends and they all tell me never again Sure, there is there less than 1% of Latinos and Latinos that will return whatever you've lent them in pretty good condition

[02:24] But I haven't met that particular person yet now for sure many years ago when I was living in Chicago There were persons I would never lend stuff to either god forbid I let him drive my car, but I also knew more than a few gringos were really well organized You walk into their garage and everything had its place guys with mancaves that were spectacularly arranged and outfitted Some guys even guys who aren't gay are like that You know a few years back there was a name for guys like that Metro sexual I don't think they use that term anymore as passé, but fastidious fits, huh? That might be the right word or maybe anal but really I haven't met any Latinos or Latinas that fit that description yet Though I've met many many who appear to be very fastidious when they're out in public, you know Because when the Latinos go out man, especially the ladies they put on the dog for some

[03:14] It's like every night's the Oscars or a Hollywood premiere. Hey, nothing wrong with that You got to love it But the real true test of a fastidious person is when you get to see what it's like within their home They're living space and man, I gotta tell you in the 30 plus years. I've been down here I've never been into a Latin Americans home where everything was in its place everything shipshape Where every faucet light switch and appliance actually worked or actually did what it was supposed to do No scratches or dings in the walls. No light bulbs burnt out. Even though I know there are exceptions to the rule I haven't met him yet Even in the homes of very rich Latinos who've got multiple maids There are things in the house that just aren't quite right, you know rough around the edges smudged walls Could be grabby carpets stains on nice furniture dirty windows and bathrooms

[04:00] Undisciplined pets. I think you get it Meanwhile back in the States We all know quite a few very fastidious Americans don't we when you visit their houses or get into their cars? Everything's in order everything in the right place and spic and span to and most of them don't have maids or cleaning ladies Well, maybe a lady comes in once a week, but you know what I mean Now those are the people when you lend them something like a chainsaw blender or lawnmower, you know It's gonna come back in great shape. In fact, there were two older neighbors I knew back in Chicago one was an Italian guy one was Norwegian Who he almost wanted to lend stuff to because it always came back even better condition than when you lent it to him By the way up in Chicago and in most of the upper Midwest I'd say too There's a peculiar habit that marks people from that region

[04:47] Especially in the middle and lower middle classes the salt of the earth types There's this language faux pas that my mother the English professor would correct in people sometimes And she didn't make any friends doing it. It has to do with the two words lend and borrow You see there's a squirk in the Midwest. Many people will use the word borrow Interchangeably with the word lend they'll say well You borrow me a hammer or he borrowed me a hammer up in Chicago and parts north you hear that all the time And if you're from somewhere else in the country You might be thinking this guy's short on linguistic skills because supposed to use the word land or lent But I've even heard Midwesterners with PhDs misuse the word borrow, but I digress. Where were we? Oh, yeah

[05:32] Don't ever borrow Latinos or Latinas anything you might be sorry So do so at your own risk unless you're the forgiving type. It may not end. Well, all right shifting gears here I realize all you guys and gals out there who want to move to Latin America You're in various stages of your plan B Whatever you've probably been watching a lot of expat YouTube's and reading expat blogs You've been hearing and seeing lots of gringles and expats living down here talking about the things They don't like about Latin America their complaints and the mistakes they made when they got here There's sort of a usual suspect standard complaint list You keep hearing over and over again at the top of the list that ever-present manana time Then down the list in no particular order comes the crappy roads

[06:21] There's things that break and never get fixed terrible drivers junk heaps on the road drivers with no insurance Idiots on motorcycles trucks and chicken buses blowing clouds of smoke smelly dirty taxis and ubers with no AC Elevators and escalators that don't work broken water faucets tap water. You can't drink We've all heard that litany a thousand times, huh? But I bet you never heard this one before though If you ever build or remodel an apartment or a house You'll understand why I'm bringing this up and why it really irks most squingles and expats but not at first So let's talk about it Alright, let me set this up here. Suppose you're looking to buy a condo apartment or house You've gone through it. You've checked it out. You've got the money. You've got a lawyer to check out the paperwork

[07:10] You like the neighborhood you see it's pretty much the first world standards. It's brand new squeaky clean And being that everything's brand new and you're gonna be the first one in what's not to like so you make the deal Sure. There are little things here and there you're gonna want to change or Maybe not if you actually Contracted the house to be built yourself had the plans drawn up by an architect and hired a builder etc And went through the plans with your builder and architect step by step Then you should get exactly what you wanted Right as long as you show up a lot keep an eye on things while it's being built This is Latin America, you know, so you have to do that. Here's the problem And it's a very irritating problem that doesn't quite manifest itself to the left. You've lived in a place for a while

[07:55] Sooner or later you're gonna realize that no matter how much you paid for that place No matter what standard you're holding your builder to no matter how great your builder was or how mediocre or low-class He was doesn't matter they're gonna use the crappiest quality paint available in the country But you won't know that unless you're actually watching the guy paint and you're staring at the paint cans and looking at the brands I mean look who realistically says to their builder. I want you to use Sherwin William classic series Satin paint only or glidden or Sears, whatever brand I don't know if any gringo or expat down here building or remodeling a place who's ever had that discussion with their builder They just look at a bunch of color tabs with their architect and pick mostly white and that's it There's almost no discussion of the paint brand. I mean look we all know enough about paints. There's good better and best

[08:46] It's all about price and in the States even when you go to a place like Sherwin Williams They'll have three different lines the good better and best it's all about the money though as for paints You really do get what you pay for the more you pay the better the coverage The longer it lasts the more stable it is the easier and better the cleanup if it's been scratched or scuffed Now up in the States if someone's using Sherwin Williams good better or best, you know You're getting a pretty good product same with other brands like glidden or Benjamin Moore and their Sears if Sears even exists anymore The name brands will hold up. They have to that's their market distinction They've got a reputation and they've stood the test of time However, if you see a painter using a no name brand There's usually only one reason for that the cost because good paint is expensive even twice as expensive

[09:35] It's a no-name brand. Now, of course up in the States when contractors build big apartment buildings and such They'll use the no-name brand. Who cares? It's all about just selling them and turning them over thing is a new paint job always looks good It doesn't matter if it's Benjamin Moore or el cheapo what you're paying for with the good stuff is longevity Too and cleanability if it gets marked or scuffed and that's hugely important here in Latin America No one ever thinks about it now here in Latin America when you go to a hardware or paint store You'll see a dozen or so no-name brands stuff You've never heard of before like for instance Volcan Novak's soul, etc Etc. And all those no-name brands come half as cheap as the mid-level Sherwin Williams brand Sherwin William paid stars are in every Latin American country, you know

[10:23] But they and some of the other high-end brands have less than 5% of the market Now way back a million years ago when I was going to University. I painted a few houses in the summer I found out quickly. There is a big difference in paint brands as mentioned Sherwin Williams pretty good But there is a brand called Benjamin Moore. Have you heard of it expensive but top shelf that stuff spreads like cream And it truly does cover in one coat. Oh, but it's pricey. All right, and you only can find it in boutique paint stores But man, I had a couple of customers who insisted on it. And at first I thought why do they want to spend so much? Money on paint what a waste but it was their money. I found out though right away It was a pleasure to work with really did beat the pants off a Sherwin Williams, which in itself is pretty good paint But you have to remember and most people don't consider this here in Latin America weather conditions are extreme

[11:14] Yeah, it's true in the states you have ice and cold but down here the Sun is absolute murder on a painted surface In fact on an outdoor painted surface in the Sun Even an indoor painted surface when the Sun's coming through a window You can't put your hand on it for more than three seconds. It can be painfully hot That's only one of the reasons why after six months or a year you could tell the quality of paint that's been used now with the cheap stuff the surface starts looking chalky when you rub your hand across it a Powdery film rubs off on your fingers easily on top of that. There's adhesion problems There will be places where it gets a lot of Sun and rain where it'll start flaking bubbling or pulling away The problem is again, it won't show up right away. So what are you supposed to do? Well, if you buy decent paint like Sherwin-Williams or even the really high-priced stuff like glidden or Benjamin Moore

[12:03] You could spend the money and repaint the place But that's generally not a good idea Because you would be asking for even more trouble by reapplying quality good stuff on top of the low-budget cheap and crappy paint Which has less than great adherence. So you'd be putting good stuff on top of bad stuff. That doesn't stick very well So then what's the answer? What do you do? Well, I don't really know of a good answer because technically the way to solve that problem is to Recondition the entire surface to accept the new better paint. It's a huge job and almost never worth it When there's one dead giveaway if they're using crappy paint Which they almost always do anyway When a wall gets stained or scuffed or around a switch plate starts looking dirty and grungy from finger marks if you take a damp rag with a little soap and water on it as

[12:49] Recommended on every paint can in that situation After you've cleaned it and it dries if it doesn't look much better or sometimes even worse. It's definitely cheap. Oh paint Worse yet oftentimes when you try to clean it and it does dry It appears as a slightly different color or shape than the original paint job And the only way to get it to match is to open the old paint can and repaint it Oh, and here's another thing about painters in Latin America. You've heard me say this many times before they don't use tape probably because it costs a couple bucks for masking tape and they like to use a roller and it spatters everywhere and Drop cloths most have never heard of them So when they leave they think the job is done now you or someone has a major cleanup job Latin painters are universally sloppy and you'd think if you painted for a living you'd do it right

[13:38] Professionally have some pride in your work worse yet. You know when a job's over you've always got some paint left in the cans, right? Well, they rarely seal those cans properly So a year or two later when you want to do a touch-up the paints got a hard skin over it. It's ruined Simply because they didn't take the extra minute or 30 seconds to seal it up Well, by the way I've got a good hack for keeping your paint alive in the can for a long long time Take a piece of Saran wrap cover the can before you put the lid on tap the lid down with a hammer And here's the real trick turn the paint can upside down and store it that way If you do that the paint in your cans will last for years however, if you're using oil based paint called in Spanish as

[14:23] multi-es maltee here in Latin America Yes, ma lte don't store it by covering it with Saran wrap use tin foil Because oil based paint will eventually dissolve Saran wrap Again use tin foil otherwise known as aluminum foil which begs the question. Why do some people call it tin foil? Well, actually there is an answer to that before World War two It was actually made out of tin and then during World War two They developed really cheap and easy ways to extract aluminum from bauxite because they needed to make warplanes out of aluminum Then aluminum became cheaper than tin. That's why we have aluminum foil or as the Brits say Aluminum foil that means people who still say tin foil are just basically old Mmm, by the way, you know what they find in the brains of everyone who's got Alzheimer's

[15:13] aluminum deposits funny thing is to before World War two Alzheimer's was considered a very rare disease Not so today in the age of aluminum. Oh and there were no Aluminum pots and pans before World War two either. Have you checked your kitchen cabinets lately? And how about those ubiquitous deodorants all of which have aluminum chlorhydrate in them? Go ahead read the labels So as the bard might have said to stink and risk losing friends or not to stink and risk Alzheimer's That is the question though. I understand back in the bard's day the pre-aluminium days Everyone kind of stunk, but I digress man. Did I digress by the way?

[15:58] There is a somewhat high-end competitor to Sherwin Williams in Latin America There's a company out of Mexico called comic co me ex It's a huge supplier of high-end paint found in most Latin American countries now Just slightly less expensive than the middle of the road Sherwin Williams paint Which to me is the minimum quality you should be using here in Latin America But you'll probably never get the chance to use it unless you're building from scratch or remodeling and you insist on it Anyway, they've got this paint called comics, which is really pretty good But unfortunately as with everything here in Latin America, it's details details. I've used it myself it adheres Well, they've got all the colors you could ever want and it mostly goes down in one coat as claimed

[16:44] But here's the problem and it's happened to me more than once a year or two will go by and you need some More of the same color tree fell down scraped the side of your house. You're adding a garage Whatever in my case, I went down to the comic store all one of the old empty paint cans with me had a coat on it For the color, etc They mixed up a brand new five gallon bucket when applied it was not a match not even close Even though they've got those special mixing machines that Sherwin Williams and all the big brands have where you just punch in the number And it's supposed to automatically mix in the proper tints to the base coat, etc Well after a number of tries, they just couldn't get it, right So it ended up being a lot bigger paint job than I thought because it had to match the adjacent wall So the adjacent wall had to be repainted even though it was in perfectly good condition

[17:31] The moral of this story you will end up living in a place that uses cheap and crappy paint the only solution is if you're Remodeling or building new you must insist on good paint because builders and painters will not do it on their own Go for a name brand like Sherwin Williams and know it might cost you an extra $200 to do your whole house in a long run It's definitely worth it and think about the comics brand. It's pretty good It'll last it'll go on well, and it's cheaper than Sherwin Williams, which is what I'd always recommend But skip comics and go with Sherwin Williams if you're gonna do custom colors However, if you're going with white no problem comics can't screw that up Plus they've got their standard five or six basic colors, which they can't screw up either because they make those by the truckload

[18:17] Now as for those really high-end brands like Benjamin Moore and Glidden you can't find them in every Latin country Oh, and here's a tip I wish I had known ages ago if you're painting metal lots of metal down here You'll have gates and garage doors lean to roofs swing sets if you've got kids You never want to paint metal with latex or acrylic paint although you can in a couple of years. You'll regret it It'll start rusting through for sure remember down here. The rainy season is brutal It's even worse if you live within a half a mile of a coastline. The salty air is brutal too on metal Especially though oddly enough cars aren't too much affected by the rainy season or the salty air Inside you don't see them rotting out Like we used to see cars right out up in the states where they used to salt the roads Probably because car bodies are mostly plastic these days though. That's not to say down here

[19:06] You don't see cars and chicken buses rotting out a lot of them do but It's almost always the older ones that are 20 years older or more Now rust has to have a place to start it needs bare metal So it needs an unpainted ding or a scratch and as you probably know Latin America It's the land of dings and scratches enough said about that. Oh, and here's a story for you the other day I took an uber it was about a six-year-old Honda fit FIT color black and I noticed when I walked up to it Various dings and bangs that had been repainted from a distance. It looked all right But as you got closer, it looked terrible There were spots that were glossy some that were matte all kinds of different wrinkles and finishes And when I got in I noticed on the floor in the backseat a five-dollar can of black spray paint

[19:52] The driver told me every time he got a ding or a scratch He just pull over and whip out the spray can only in Latin America and also up in the states and better trailer courts Near you anyway, just remember if you have metal anywhere outside or exposed to the elements I have to use a good grade of oil based paint and people here in Latin America know that except they almost never Prepare the metal, you know sand it down So they're painting right on metal that almost always has some rust on it not good at all But it's so common to watch people paint rusted metal Once again only in Latin America and select trailer courts near you now the right way to paint metal Of course is first sand it and get rid of all the rust then lay down a primer coat and then a finished coat or two

[20:37] However, it seems to be a universal pattern here in Latin America for people to just apply a gray or red primer coat And that's it sure. It's better than nothing though. Not enough, but people will never learn Anyway, there you have it a few painting tips that should help you preserve the life of whatever you're painting All right. Now, let's talk about driving through different border checkpoints here in Latin America it's a question that comes up a lot because people have nice cars up in the states and they'd like to bring them down instead of selling them and Then rebuying why do that when you have a really nice car up in the states that you know is in good condition and you've taken Care of speaking of details some Americans if not most really take care of their cars And they know if they sell their car up in the states and rebuy a used one here in Latin America There's no telling how the previous owner treated it now, of course, you might want to buy a new one down here

[21:26] But most people don't do that. They buy used at least at first, but then are you buying other people's problems? You'll find out mindful of that Here's an email from someone who wants to ship their car part of the way down and drive it the rest of the way because they've Got an additional problem of wanting to bring a dog from the states to their final destination, which is Guatemala So I'll read the pertinent parts of mr. D's email. He says Johnny We are having a fun time figuring out how to get our dog to Guatemala Most airlines are not offering pet services during the cold it thing However, we found a cargo shipping company that can get our dog belongings and car to Panama So we were considering just picking her up in Panama and driving her ourselves on through to Guatemala

[22:14] I know it's a long-ass drive there and back. He says but it's as much for the experience, too Question is Johnny. Is it safe our gas and hotels available along the way? What do you think signed mr. D? Well, mr. D. Good question I have to say I've driven from Panama to Guatemala at least three or four times now and Back to the whole route is on the Pan American Highway, which is totally safe day and night though I wouldn't drive at night not because of what you might think robberies hold ups bad boys and Banditos But because this is Latin America and you know about the maintenance problem, right? That means the Pan American Highway is in some stretches Fantastically first world then 20 minutes later and in other stretches, especially way out in the boonies pretty rough with very poor lighting

[23:04] You've got unmarked turns and detours road construction just popping up out of nowhere and terrible sometimes maniacal Chicken bus and truck drivers who don't care at all about the laws will pass on curbs They'll pass on double yellow lines. Many of them overloaded and missing lights, too And all that's bad enough during the day But at night forget about it and as far as getting pulled over and stopped I got stopped in every country I went through they'll spot your foreign plates cops will always want to see your papers They'll have a look in the back check under the seats Maybe make you get out for a second or two the best ploy there is to pretend you don't know any Spanish at all Then they usually get frustrated pretty fast shrug and let you go now Sometimes the immigration cops at the border will make you open up your car doors

[23:52] They'll take a few things out a suitcase or two They might even pull out the spare tire and look under it But in all those three or four trips, which means I went through at least 15 different border crossings in that time I never had a single problem at the border though I did have a hard time once in Nicaragua just about 10 minutes from the border a cop pulled me over I played the dumb gringo no espanol thing But he wasn't buying and he made me take every single thing out of that car And I was packed to the gills with construction tools and saws So there I was out in the boonies with all my junk piled up on the side of the road Then he picked up one of those cheap four foot long fluorescent lights I had in a box in the back of my car and he motioned to me as if he wanted me to give it To him and I said go ahead and take it. I think it was only worth 20 or 30 bucks

[24:40] He wanted a gift and I also gave him a two liter bottle of coke that I had in the backseat He seemed more grateful for that than the light. The worst part was when it was over. He didn't even help me repack my car So that was the only time in maybe 15 different border crossings I ever really got hassled though once I took a trip from Costa Rica, which is right next to Panama We drove to Antigua Guatemala. I rode along with a gringo construction boss Who was based in Costa Rica but was about to start a hotel construction project in Antigua, Guatemala now to get to Guatemala from Panama you had to go through Honduras El Salvador and Nicaragua and we really had no trouble at all either even at the borders He had a lot of tools and equipment, but that came through easily because it was all obviously used

[25:29] However, if that stuff would have been new or even too clean or packed too nicely in boxes He'd had to pay some duty on the stuff But he didn't anyway two days later when we finally arrived at our destination the Clarion Suites in Antigua, Guatemala His company had rented a mccondo there. Anyway, when we finished unloading the tools and stuff He took a screwdriver and popped off the door panel on the driver's side He reached way down and pulled out a pistol. He had hidden there and I said, man I'm glad you didn't tell me about that head of time I don't think I'd have been too smooth going through those border checkpoints knowing that then he explained He was from Texas and he always had a gun and that you can only have a gun Registered in one Latin country or any country at a time. It took weeks or even months to do that kind of paperwork

[26:15] So he just did the next best thing hid it in his car and I thought hey, he must know what he's doing But I would never try it Oh and there was another redneck acquaintance of mine around that time who drove his pickup down from Texas all the way to Costa Rica He had a bunch of guns welded into one of the tubes of the frame of his pickup truck I watched him as he cut the end off the tube and pulled out the guns His plan at the time really was foolproof. The tube was welded shut at both ends No, it would ever have known still a risk, of course, but then again, both these guys were from Texas Now I've always been a gun owner myself though might have always been legal That's what I like about most countries in Latin America as long as you have residency there You can own guns though. You should buy them down here. There are gun stores all over the place

[27:01] Don't try to bring your own down because there'll be so much red tape and fees and taxes delays that you'll regret it Oh and Mr. D as far as hotels and gas stops every big and medium-sized city you go through will have first world franchise hotels as Well as brand-name gas stations like Texaco and Shell and of course some really nice mom-and-pop hotels too But do make sure you always stay at a hotel with a gated guarded parking lot Of course, all the upscale and first world hotel chains will have that You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America

[27:50] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Nos vamos