Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller begins by welcoming listeners and introducing the show's focus on life in Latin America. He then reads an email from Doug, an expat in Guatemala, who shares his experience with the residency process. Doug explains how his wife received her DPI (Documento Personal de Identificación) after a visit to the Guatemala consulate and discusses the nuances of Spanish language, including how abbreviations and phrases are often reversed in Spanish compared to English. Johnny highlights the importance of conversational practice with native speakers to understand these subtleties. Doug also shares his motivation for moving to Guatemala, driven by the high cost of living in the U.S. and the need for affordable healthcare for his wife's aging parents. He concludes by referencing a sad article about a U.S. store chain struggling with theft, suggesting it as further evidence of the U.S. being a 'dying country.'
Johnny then discusses the trend of store shelves in the U.S. displaying only pictures of products instead of real items, a measure taken due to increased shoplifting. He contrasts this with Latin America, where shoplifting is met with harsher consequences. Johnny shares a story about his brother's past experience with shoplifting, highlighting how it was once an art form requiring planning and stealth, but now has become a no-brainer with the ease of stealing in some areas. He also discusses the cost of long-term care for elderly individuals in the U.S. versus Latin America, emphasizing the affordability and quality of care available in Latin America. Johnny criticizes the state of nursing homes in the U.S., describing them as subpar and highlighting the lack of personalized care.
In this segment, Johnny reflects on his personal vision for his later years, expressing a desire to live comfortably with a live-in nurse or caregiver in a home with green space, while ensuring financial stability. He highlights that Latin America is the only place where this lifestyle is feasible, yet he notes that many people, especially older individuals, are not taking advantage of this opportunity. He then shares a personal anecdote about encountering a young man in a high-tech wheelchair and his companion in a small town in Latin America, describing the man's physical condition and the dynamic between him and his companion. Johnny reflects on the man's situation, expressing a sense of disbelief at the quality of life he leads, and comments on the social dynamics of expats in the region, noting how they often greet each other warmly when they meet.
Johnny discusses the high cost of international phone calls and the challenges faced by paraplegics in the United States. He then shifts focus to a paraplegic man and his caregiver, a nurse from Latin America, and speculates on the man's background and how he ended up in Latin America. Johnny suggests that the man likely had a severe accident, possibly involving a drunk driver, and that he moved to Latin America to find a more affordable and culturally compatible caregiver. He also highlights the financial burden of long-term care in the U.S. and the potential for a better quality of life in Latin America.
In this segment, Johnny discusses the story of a paraplegic American expat who moved to Bogota, Colombia, where his sister lived. His sister had already arranged for him to have a permanent live-in nurse. The expat, who is blonde-haired and paraplegic, asked the narrator to help him find a nurse, and the narrator connected him with a nursing school in Bogota. The expat flew down to Colombia with his brother's help, interviewed candidates, and hired a young nurse who has been with him for three years. They now live together in a residential tower in Bogota and travel extensively, mostly in Latin America and Europe. The expat refuses to take his nurse back to the United States, and the narrator speculates that this is because American men would try to hit on her. The expat admits that he is irritable, partly due to living with a beautiful nurse who is also a beauty queen. The narrator comments on the dynamic between the expat and his nurse, suggesting it is more like a brother-sister relationship with some friction and respect. The narrator also shares a story about a rich American expat and a poor fisherman in Latin America, highlighting the value of family time over material success.
The segment concludes with a call to action for listeners to contact the Expat Files via email for more information about the upcoming expat insider seminar in Central America. The seminar is described as providing a two to five year head start on plan B for expats.
Episode Notes
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller discusses the residency process in Guatemala, language nuances in Spanish, and the cost of living and healthcare in the U.S. vs. Latin America. He also shares personal reflections on end-of-life planning, the challenges faced by paraplegics in the U.S., and the affordability of long-term care in Latin America. The episode concludes with a call to action for an upcoming expat seminar in Central America.
For more episodes, seminar information, resources, and the full archive, visit ExpatPlanB.com.
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Related guides: Moving to Guatemala · Healthcare in Latin America · Cost of Living in Latin America · Residency in Latin America · Renting and Buying Property · Safety and Scams
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Topics
Residency process in Guatemala, Language nuances in Spanish, Cost of living and healthcare in the U.S. vs. Guatemala, Expat motivations for moving to Latin America, Observations on the U.S. economy and society, Shoplifting trends in the U.S., Cultural differences in shoplifting consequences, Personal stories about shoplifting, Cost of long-term care for the elderly, Comparison of nursing home quality in the U.S. and Latin America, End-of-life planning, Cost of living in Latin America
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:14 Introduction to the Expat Files 00:00:26 Overview of the Show's Content 00:00:32 Doug's Residency Process in Guatemala 00:01:05 Explanation of DPI and Spanish Language Nuances 00:01:53 Importance of Understanding Spanish Language Subtleties 00:03:39 Doug's Motivation for Retiring in Guatemala 00:05:14 Reasons for Moving Out of the U.S. 00:05:24 Observations on the U.S. Economy and Society 00:06:19 The Rise of Shoplifting in the U.S. and Its Impact on Retail Stores 00:08:30 The Cost of Long-Term Care in the U.S. vs. Latin America 00:11:49 Johnny's Vision for His Later Years 00:12:02 The Feasibility of Living in Latin America 00:12:48 The Cost of Care in Latin America 00:13:09 A Personal Encounter in a Small Town 00:15:11 Reflections on the Man's Situation 00:16:01 Social Dynamics Among Expats 00:17:09 Cost of International Calls and Caregiver Options in Latin America 00:17:54 The Paraplegic Man and His Caregiver 00:18:56 Financial Burden of Long-Term Care in the U.S. 00:22:28 The Expat's Move to Colombia and Nurse Arrangement 00:22:58 The Nurse's Long-Term Commitment and Their Current Living Situation 00:23:33 The Expat's Irritability and the Nurse's Beauty 00:27:42 Contact Information for Expat Files 00:27:46 Waiting List for Expat Seminar 00:27:52 Benefits of the Expat Seminar
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright starting with this email from Doug who with his wife is in the process of getting Guatemala residency Going through the steps right now now pay attention to the punchline. It's a good one. He says hey Johnny. Good morning
[00:47] Hope all is well I know I haven't written for a while, but I wanted to give a chance to let all the Dave's right in first A few weeks back. He says my wife received a call We went to the Guatemala consulate the next day and she actually got her DPI her residency All right me Johnny here. That's what they call the little card you get when you finally get your residency a DPI It stands for personal identification document, but you know how in Spanish they flip the verb and the noun So in Spanish, it would be docu mental personal identification or document personal identification Thus DPI by the way when you come across any official abbreviations for anything in Spanish
[01:32] They'll often be the exact reverse of the same abbreviations in English For example, if you go to a laboratory in Latin America and get an HIV test They'll do one on you, you know, and you're going for your residency Well, when you look at the printout of the results, it'll say V I H V I H test because like I said most often they'll flip the verb and the noun Oh, and that's how you can tell if a gringo or expat really knows his Spanish like a native He she or it I will know those subtleties in a conversation That person will know exactly which verbs and nouns to flip and which ones not to Because you see it's not an absolute rule I'd say about 90 to 95 percent of the time you'll flip the verb and the noun and the other five percent of the time No, and only native speakers and gringles and expats who really know their shit
[02:20] Will get it right every time Take the phrase big deal in Spanish you'd say Gran trato That's what Spanish-speaking gringles and expats would say but a native Spanish speaker would flip it and say trato grande Or an English deal big which doesn't make sense at all, right? Not to us gringles, but to native Spanish speakers, of course for supuesto Anyway, as mentioned you don't flip the verb and the noun a hundred percent of the time Maybe 90 95 percent and you don't learn all that by taking Spanish in high school or college Those are the little details you pick up along the way when you've engaged in lots and lots of conversational Spanish with native speakers Believe me. It don't come easy. Look at me I've been down here a couple of decades now and I still screw up the placement of nouns and verbs with regularity
[03:11] But back to the email. Anyway, Doug says Johnny I'll give you another update on the residency process with the wife and I in a few weeks when we return To Guatemala to register our marriage. I find it's cheaper to keep her now after 28 years plus he says He says I'll be sure to let you and your listeners know if there are any hang-ups in the process Then Doug says Johnny my wife finally sees the importance and the benefits of retiring in Guatemala You see her 85 year old parents are now living with us due to recent medical and quality of life issues That was the straw that broke the camel's back Unfortunately, they retired late and missed the good years of being able to travel and do things and now they can only sit around on
[03:57] the couch and watch TV He says living the good life for them It's just not affordable anymore with the recent rounds of inflation in the States It's become so expensive and finally now even my wife recognizes that if they were living in Guatemala They could afford to pay for the home health care They need from meals to house cleaning to bathing all the extra assistance. They might want or need That stuff's just not affordable for them because you see they retired from their jobs in their late seventies And now they can't get around though. They try My wife is realizing and seeing this too that the life her parents have now is Precarious on the amount of retirement income they're on on top of that at their late retirement age My wife is seeing how much they missed out on and it's something that my wife and I do not want to happen to us
[04:47] He says case in point and reason gazillion on why we are working on getting the hell out of dodge You see the other day I was waiting for the plumber to arrive I used that time to go out for a while to get a bite to eat for the wife and I It was just a sandwich and two drinks cost 40 bucks Nothing fancy at all 40 bucks Johnny he says for that amount of money the wife and I could have had a nice steak dinner at a fancy restaurant Guatemala City or Antigua Like I said, that's reason number gazillion for me and the wife to get the hell out of dodge That said Johnny. I'll close here with more proof that the US is a dying country Who could have predicted it would get this bad? He says I've been closing a link to a sad article About a store chain in the US that thinks it's out witting thieves when in reality
[05:34] It's the customers who are getting screwed and they take it. They accept it Stupid stuff like this is happening in the US and on steroids. Be sure to have a look at this link. Johnny Take care sign. Doug. I'll be out of dodge by sundown All right. Thanks for that. Doug. So you'll be getting out of dodge by sundown, huh? or else Hmm and i'm clicking on the link you sent me and the title of the article says Washington DC store shows pictures of toilet paper products on the shelves pictures instead of the real products So I guess when you go to the cash register with your empty cart You show him her or it Pictures of the item or items on the shelf and they retrieve it for you All those weird changes because of the massive increase in store theft
[06:25] Shoplifting is certainly catching on it's becoming trendy Hmm. Is that the world you want to live in? Well, you're living in it and i'm seeing photos of the store shelves with no products on them Just pictures of products and their barcodes Wow, man, when I see this stuff happening up in the states by you I keep thinking if you tried to pull that off in a store here in latin america, you'd get your ass whooped There's no such thing as a let them go hands-off policy here in latin america Funny thing too. The other day. I was talking to my brother about this now My brother as a kid used to shoplift once in a while from all accounts He was pretty good at it him and his buddy were a tag team His buddy got caught a couple times from my brother was stealthy enough that he never did later on well into his 30s
[07:10] He fessed up though. He never mentioned it in front of my mother. She'd have had a heart attack He used to steal from places sears jewel tea coals anp monkey wards He had a code of ethics though. He'd never steal from an individual only a corporation Thankfully he got over it. He grew out of it But he did have an interesting comment when we were discussing it the other day. He said Back in my day. He said shoplifting used to be an art You had to figure ways to hide it on your body somehow or in your clothes And get this he told me he always had a plan b now. Where have we heard that before? Anyway, he said thieving in the old days was different. You had to plan those things It was a real stealthy operation But these days now that it's a no-brainer and you can steal what up to 900 dollars worth in some districts
[08:00] You just roll in with a shopping cart fill it up and roll right out That my brother said takes all the fun out of it. What's the fun in that? He said part of the shoplifting experience way back when was all about the rush the dare a guaranteed hit of adrenaline And I said well, you know down here in latin america. I was talking to him on the phone He's up in chicago If you want to get back that feeling of the rush the dare the adrenaline Try stealing something in a supermarket or i'm all down here, you know, they're loaded with cameras now, too You get caught you pay the piper Once again three cheers for latin american lag time. In other words down here There'll be no pictures of toilet paper on store shelves anytime soon Oh and related to the part of doug's email when he's talking about his wife's 70 something not so mobile over the hill in laws
[08:47] Unable to enjoy their retirement years the so-called autumn of their lives Because they need assistance and help now and again, and they just can't afford it Well, you long-time listeners have heard me speak on that subject many times Why it's infinitely better to be down here in latin america if you're old decrepit and just can't get around much anymore I've mentioned many times before that even if all you're living on is a measly fifteen hundred dollar a month social security check You'll still have two thirds of that dole left after paying for a 24 7 assisted living person In other words for just 500 bucks a month. You could have your own live in nurse slash made Just the thought of having a live in nurse slash made would be inconceivable If you're living up in the states and making under let's say 200 grand a year
[09:36] I looked up the stats only the top two to three percent of americans You can afford a live in made or live in nurse 24 7 Think of it if you were in your 70s or 80s stuck at home in a wheelchair or stuck with a walker Immobile not being able to get out much at all. It would cost 60 to a hundred thousand dollars a year To have a 24 7 live in nurse or nurses eight Whereas down here in latin america, I guarantee you could find a registered nurse lpn or nurses eight She'll even do the shopping the cooking and the cleaning For about four to 600 bucks a month. I'm talking about off the gringo tourist trail It is on the tourist trail However, like costa rica cancun and the tourist areas in mexico probably doubled that The thing is i've been talking about this for years, but very few people actually do it
[10:24] Everyone thinks it's a great deal for their parents and grandparents stuck in nursing homes up in the states But they never pull the trigger or maybe they just don't believe it or are not taking it seriously They think it's hyperbole. I even talk about it a bit at my expat insider seminars give examples break down the numbers the cost Talk about how to find or recruit your very own dependable honest full-time nurse or nurses aid But still even after all these years and all the time i've spent talking about it I don't know of a single gringo expat living down here who's had the foresight To yank his parents or grandparents out of a nursing home up in the states and bring them on down Meanwhile, I know plenty of gringos and expats down here who tell me their parents are up in a smelly old Vomitus nursing home up in the states the residents sitting around zombified all drugged up watching tv sucking on jello and waiting to die
[11:17] And on average those nursing homes up in the states have one nurse for every 10 or 15 residents Talk about personalized care, huh? Did I mention the average nursing home caregiver in the states is around 300 pounds a clock watcher who hates her job and spends Most of her time on her cell phone. That's the profile of your average state-sponsored nursing home caregiver. Go ahead. Tell me i'm wrong I don't know about you, but i'll tell you how I want to go out of this world at least Let's say the last couple years of my life I want to be in my own house or apartment With a little gardener green space outside and I want to have a live-in nurse or nurses aid 24 7 I want all that and I don't want to run out of money in a year Well, guess what? The only place I know where that little miracle can happen If you need occasional help and you're not in great physical condition is if you live down here in latin america
[12:08] But still after years of talking about it and laying out all the proof people just aren't jumping on board That's all right, though. You've been informed. I've done my duty My conscience is clear though You'd think there'd be a mad rush of old timers up in the states beating a path south of the border But it just ain't happening. Oh, they're coming down All right But not for this specific purpose of living out those last few years in the hands of a nurse or caregiver On that note, man, do I have a boots on the ground story for you? You just heard me say why i'm amazed that old folks especially Immobile old folks aren't rushing down here and taking advantage of the fact that could have a live-in nurse or caregiver 24 7 for around four to 600 bucks a month when I tell people that their eyes kind of glaze over
[12:54] It just doesn't sink in or they change the subject end of conversation Anyway on that same theme the other day. I saw something rather agonizing though in the end There was kind of a happy ending kind of Turns out last week. I happen to be in a small town out in the boneys You know every small town has its central park And on weekends starting usually friday afternoon people start aggregating Because you know, everybody lives for the weekend, right? And though central parks here in latin america are pretty sparse during the week a lot of times on the weekend They get pretty crowded So anyway, i'm in this small town central park Seemed to me. I was the only gringo there. That's usually the case when you're way out in the boneys I see this guy in a souped-up wheelchair. You know one of those high-tech wheelchairs motors and batteries and all that
[13:45] Joystick control stealthy looking he was rounding the corner kind of working his way across that central park Going down the main road a sidewalk really going towards the central fountain By the way, almost all central parks in latin america have a central fountain working or not usually not He was slowly but surely working his way right towards me first thing I noticed from like a block away He was a gringo blonde haired guy A little on the chunky side though. Not fat Dressed all in black just like his stealthy wheelchair totally black Which is usually the fat guy wardrobe of choice black young too. I figured in his 30s Poor guy. I thought so young stuck in a high-tech wheelchair and I noticed he had someone with him a young lady
[14:34] Sometimes they'd stop and talk a bit look like they were arguing. She'd push him a while Then it seemed they'd argue a bit more and he'd take off by himself and she'd be five or ten paces behind him Sometimes she'd push him. Sometimes he'd be on his own doing the joystick thing And as he or they got closer, I noticed he wasn't a quadriplegic He was a paraplegic because he had full use of his arms it seemed But I also noted he was certainly in pretty bad shape because as he got closer I saw he had one of those tubes running down the side to a urine bag You can't unsee that picture or disentangle that thought Man, I was thinking that's the kind of life you'd never want to have. Is that a life? Well, I guess you couldn't get used to anything but at 30 something He stopped about 10 feet from me
[15:21] Saw I was a gringo his eyes lit up and he came right on over With the young lady tagging along with him But some paces behind walking up later. She was on her phone surprise surprise Now before he or her said a single word to me, I figured right thinking he was maybe 35 to 38 years old And the girl may be 24 25 an absolute stunner a 10 a beauty contest winner anywhere in the world really Curvy as they come but not wearing anything super tight as to not garner too much attention Here's the thing when you're down in latin america, especially off the gringo tourist trail when you spot another gringo It's like old home week. Well, not for me But for most other gringos and expats as for me i'm immune to it
[16:08] In fact, sometimes I get annoyed when unknown gringos walk up to me and start talking like they're my best friend There was a time though way back when there really was a huge shortage of gringos down here And when you saw one, you really did want to talk to him like old home week Of course i'm referring to being off the gringo tourist trail on the trail. There's never a shortage of gringos Anyway, normally when you're off the tourist trail and don't see other gringos much It's common to greet each other as if you were from the same town or the same high school Even though you most likely lived a thousand miles away from each other It's sort of a fellow gringo traveler bonding thing In other words gringos, especially off the trail will talk to other gringos They meet super friendly and cordial in a way. They'd never talk to a stranger in their own hometown Sounds strange, but it happens all the time
[16:55] By the way the first couple years I was down I used to be one of those Especially way back when before cell phones and the internet I'm talking way back in the age of the two dollar a minute phone call Yeah, that's what it was like when I first came down Talking to your buddies or your mom and family back in the states two bucks a minute Cost you a fortune just to say hi or happy birthday Normally to get a good connection You'd have to go down to the phone company office where they'd have a row Of telephone booths and you'd book your time there pay in advance But that's ancient history. Anyway After the usual how you do is and what you're doing down here crap That gringo in the wheelchair and his lady friend were at it again Didn't take long and she said something in broken english to him and he lay it into her
[17:41] I could tell the guy was just plain irritable. I guess you couldn't blame him either I mean he's stuck in a wheelchair pissing in a bag 30 something years old Up for life and he had a good long life ahead of him Nothing but downhill from here too nothing to look forward to unless maybe elon came through with his neural chip You know, he says the first people will help is quads and paraplegics, you know So anyway while they were arguing like I said, they got into another spat She was calm enough didn't raise her voice, but he was quite edgy again Just plain irritable and I thought to myself. I know exactly what's going on here I've seen this before You know how sometimes you're sitting at an outdoor cafe people are walking by and you play let me guess
[18:27] Sort of try to guess what a person's life's all about by their mannerisms or clothes the way they walk Yeah, kind of play detective see who comes up with the best story Anyway, i'm thinking this guy had some kind of nasty accident probably with a drunken driver. Maybe he was the drunken driver He's a paraplegic now forever and now that he's recovered as much as he could he's got enough dough Maybe from a settlement whatever to hire a caregiver 24 7 To accompany him on trips and journeys around the world or whatever But this guy knows something that the average paraplegic or handicap person up in the states does not know That if you come down to latin america looking for a caregiver 24 7 It doesn't have to be a nurse who's an old bag or a grumpy old male nurse neanderthal type with a crooked smile
[19:13] Just go down to any big hospital or nursing school put a notice in spanish Of course on the bulletin board explaining you're a gringo with a certain situation. You're looking for a girl 24 7 a caregiver Who doesn't mind traveling and living a first world life? Well in no time you'll be absolutely deluged with applicants And I imagine this guy did exactly that and he just happened to narrow the field down to a person that looked like miss argentina So that was my conclusion playing that little game. Let me guess in my mind Oh, and I also have a feeling this guy never goes back to the states. He lives somewhere in mexico argentina Guatemala somewhere Maybe even europe because up in the states if he brought that girl back pushing his wheelchair around tongues would be flapping incessantly
[20:00] Rumors would fly that they're an item. Maybe she's his wife. You know the drill She's only with him for his money. What an odd couple the beauty and the beast and all that. You know how people talk Anyway, they pulled up to my bench. He's sitting there in his wheelchair And she sat down on the edge of my bench. I could tell this guy was in some discomfort He had little beads of sweat on his forehead trying his best to converse with me in an upbeat fashion But you know what they say familiarity breeds contempt And I was a new guy. He just met that girl even if she was a 10 I could tell every time he spoke to her he had an edge in his voice I thought she must really like her job to take that kind of verbal abuse Or maybe it was just a bad day and he was out of sorts Anyway, we sat there for a while and I finally got the whole story out of him or pretty much the whole story
[20:47] I was right with certain parts of my guessing game Was an accident with a drunken driver. All right, though He didn't tell me if he was the drunk or it was the other guy. I didn't want to pry But I kind of got the feeling it was him So then how did he end up in latin america with a beauty queen nurse pushing him around everywhere? Well, that's where the story took another turn he told me He'd been to university. I think it was michigan state He got a degree in international relations with a minor in spanish because you know with international relations You just might be dealing with international types of people, huh? So learning spanish had its advantages and he confirmed the fact he told me That he did in the first year hire a nurse to take care of him 24 7 and it cost him
[21:33] Almost a hundred grand that first year. He said no way could I keep up with that in a few years? I'd be broke. He said they'd stick me in a state-run facility He said he'd off himself before he'd let that happen At a hundred grand a year for a permanent caregiver in the states, man If he lives 10 20 or 30 years more we're talking millions So then the question is how did he end up with this latina bombshell nurse? He said the first year he just sat at home with his grumpy american middle-aged nurse He sat around depressed watching tv getting fat, though Lots of physical therapy too. So at least he'd get out of the house two or three times a week He said those physical therapy sessions at the hospital were his salvation Because when you're in physical therapy you run into the same patients over and over again And there was this one guy he said a naturalized american born in columbia
[22:22] Also in a recent car accident and permanently in a wheelchair and when that guy's physical therapy was over He said he was moving down to bogota columbia where his sister lived She'd already set him up with a permanent live-in nurse And when the columbian guy showed him a picture of his new nurse and told him the salary He was going to pay her monthly Well long story short the blonde haired paraplegic gringo said can you hook me up? I can speak spanish Well, he did he hooked him up to a nursing school website in bogota columbia Did some zoom interviews with the candidates flew down to columbia with his brother helping out He hired one of those fresh young nurses and now she's been with him three years now And these days he's living with her in a nice residential tower in bogota columbia and they travel a lot
[23:09] Most exclusively in latin america and europe. He said they've taken a few cruises, too By the way, he said he'll never take her back to the united states and she's okay with that And I said I better know why Every american swinging dick will try to hit on her. He said man, you got that right Then he said I know what you're thinking He looked down at his own crotch Shook his head and said with some sadness Out of commission dead in the water. I thought no wonder the guy's so irritable He's living with a girl 24 7 a girl that does everything for him on top of that She's no ordinary looker. She's a beauty queen and there's absolutely nothing he can do about it No wonder the guy spits venom. Oh and that night we went out to dinner the restaurant in his hotel We're sitting there, you know speaking in english and once in a while in spanish
[23:55] So she can understand by the way my spanish isn't that great, but it's much better than his and his was by the book at university Anyway, he said we've been together a couple of years now and we get into our spats You saw me being mean to her in the park Then he looked right at her and said in english believe me. She's no pushover. She gives as good as she gets Only she's a nicer classier person than me She won't scratch my eyes out in public even when I deserve it And in the end I said to him, you know in a way Even with all the bad shit that's happened to you You're pretty lucky guy could be worse which I guess was the wrong thing to say because he came back with What would you do if you couldn't walk you peed through a tube? You couldn't wipe yourself and your dick didn't work He said you could do what I did my first year sit in a room Waste away feel sorry for yourself and think of ways to off yourself
[24:43] Or you could go down to latin america Hire a beautiful nurse and make sure she has all the perks of a first world person You can either die on the vine or make the best of a bad situation Who knows she might even learn to like you the other half of the deal is she'll have to put up with my complaining My moods and the times when i'm an irritable jerk So there they were Both locked into a relationship an agreement. It seemed to me kind of rocky not so smooth his fault Not hers though their agreement held out three years already. So it seemed to be working Of course, you never really know what she's thinking young beautiful girl like her in due course She'll be longing for the usual things husband kids family and all that but I dare not bring that up I'm thinking maybe that's part of the reason why he's so irritable knowing he can't fulfill those roles
[25:31] Not really and even though he mentioned none of that I know it was on his mind because when she left the table at the restaurant to go to the restroom He said, you know the first couple of months I made her wear her uniform a white nurse's uniform when we'd go out on the town restaurants and stuff Because guys would hit on her whereas a lady a professional nurse in uniform. Not so much Now if you ask me my take on their relationship, it looked like kind of a brother sister kind of thing You know a little friction a little antagonism with that touch of sisterly love and respect too Now you can call me a jerk. You can call me a dick, but I don't think Any lady hot or not could put up with this guy for too long He's just too irritable and in front of me He was trying his best not to be so I can imagine what goes on behind closed doors and remember for the nurse
[26:19] It's a 24-7 job. However, I have to say if I was ever in the same position as that guy I'd do it the exact same way, especially when the alternative is living in a horrible depressing nursing home spaced out on downers sucking on jello and smelling like vomit All right closing on a high note have you ever heard the latin american fishermen story Goes like this a rich american goes down to latin america deep sea fishing Sitting on the ducky sees a poor fisherman in a beat-up boat. The american says to the guy Why are you packing up? It's only 10 in the morning The latino said i'm going home. I've got enough fish I'm gonna spend the rest of the day hanging with my family. The american says well, why don't you fish all day catch more? The latino says why the american says then you could sell the fish at the market and earn some extra money
[27:10] Maybe buy a bigger and better boat. The latino says why the american says then you can expand your business Maybe hire the relatives earn more money buy a warehouse and have your own production facility. The latino says why Then the american says well in time then you'll be so rich You could set your own hours You could get up in the morning fish a few hours and spend the rest of the day just hanging with your family South you've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com