#1370 – The Expat Files: Panama, Boquete, and Cultural Shifts

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started I have a whole stack of emails from people asking me about bokehte Panama after all over and over again It's been touted as the number one gringo retirement expat destination Actually, it trays places back and forth with Cuenca Ecuador

[00:47] Somehow they always end up as number one or number two on that list Those are the supposed to golden retirement destinations according to regs like International Living and AARP Conde nice traveler, etc, etc Now, of course you longtime listeners know I don't much recommend Panama for a plan B destination unless you want to settle into a place That's a remake of where you came from If you love hanging around gringos and paying more than I do for living here in Latin America go to Panama Yes, bokehte. Panama is pretty much an exact remake of where you came from Of course, it is a lot cheaper This is Latin America a lot cheaper than anywhere in the US that is though Definitely much more expensive than most any place here in Latin America off the gringo tourist trail We'll get into that. So listen up now, you don't have to take my word for it

[01:34] You can go down there and visit yourself and what you're gonna find is the businesses the restaurants all the menus are in English With all American dishes just like back home gringos have started the very same clubs and organizations that they were in back home a Rotary club or public rats abroad. You're gonna stop in any bar restaurant sidewalk cafe You'll hear people talk in politics sometimes in slightly raised voices not Panama politics gringo politics Trump Harris Kennedy as If it makes one damn bit of difference when you're 2,000 miles away from that sinking ship, I don't get it I keep thinking who gives a shit What a monumental waste of time as if your vote really counts and if it did as if it would make one bit of

[02:23] Difference does anybody living outside the US really think bankrupt America could be saved by a politician any politician Come on. Don't fool yourself. We know they don't really run things It's what they call the deep state and the deep states on autopilot. No matter what figurehead marionette puppets in office. I Was listening to this show are seeing how the US is making its final spin around the toilet bowl So then why do I keep meeting gringos and expats down here who are smart enough to get the hell out of Dodge? You get a plan B going why do they remain so obsessed with and waste their time with American politics when it's as fake as worldwide wrestling So I'm asking you is Moving to a third world country and making an exact copy of where you came from a good thing

[03:12] Is that your idea of a plan B? Is that what you really wanted to do? Tell me and this is good. How? My question is again why in that did you move there in the first place? I'm talking about that glorious gringo retirement Haven both get the Panama though Of course, Bocchete is one really cool thing going for it. It's the only place in Panama. That's in the Altiplano It's at about 4,000 feet above sea level which puts it kind of in the lower end of the Altiplano Which really helps the weather is nowhere as blisteringly hot as it is on the coast like in Panama City or cologne Back to the main point though Why I don't like Bocchete myself as you well know I much prefer places off the gringo tourist trail and Bocchete has been completely Captured by gringos about one in every four people live in there is a gringo

[04:00] Where's yet and don't take this for ageism most are old folks and not the greatest of shape Why wouldn't it be loaded with gringo grannies and grandpas? Well as you may have figured because of that big international living an AARP push It's just loaded with gray haired retired old gringos and gringas the vast majority of whom are just plain fat or obese Think it's hyperbole take a walk down the street and you'll see check out any sidewalk cafe or restaurant Loads of fat and overweight people on top of that most often you'll see nothing but gringo and gringa clients They're the only ones who can afford to eat in those places not that they're all that expensive They're not but they've priced out the locals there are locals in those places all right, but they're the waiters and cooks

[04:48] Bocchete Panama is just loaded with little mom-and-pop gringo restaurants with all-american toxic menus, too Gotta give the people what they want right double and triple cheeseburgers barbecued chicken bacon-wrapped shrimp, Texas chili, Philly cheesesteaks Super-sized soft drinks with free refills and the background music it ain't reggaeton salsa or rumba They've got the greatest cheesy 70s hits on rotation lots of Eagles Hotel, California Take it easy sweet home, Alabama free bird Stairway to heaven and why not since the average age of the gringos who've landed in bokeh is about 65 to 70 It's their kind of music and man if I showed you a couple snapshots of the Main Street and the local town

[05:33] Newspaper you'd see the gringos have really taken over They've got gringo a a meetings gringo theater groups And what would an American senior citizen paradise be without a couple of gringo karaoke bars and a big old bingo parlor bustling with old ladies in a place to park their walkers so basically the bottom line is Boquete has changed drastically in the past two decades. It's now a town almost exclusively for gray-haired retired old Americans Unfortunately, they've made it their plan to do it over like a little piece of small-town America in doing so which was a bad idea To begin with they've succeeded in completely pricing out the natives that pisses them off, you know Oh, it was great marketing when AARP in an international living named Boquete the number one foreign retirement destination in the Western Hemisphere

[06:23] Again, occasionally switching places with Cuenca Ecuador. Oh, and it really took off starting in 2005 when fortune magazine featured Boquete as one of the most idyllic places in the Western Hemisphere to retire and now it's getting so that every day Traffic gets clogged on the main streets. There are English signs everywhere bulletin boards and cafes and restaurants advertising upcoming talks and conferences on insurance cyber security aromatherapy sports betting Acupuncture emotional support dogs wheels testaments and other legal issues Aerobics massage therapy crystals yoga. None of those things targeted at locals After all with so many retired gringos and next pass piling into such a small town of only 20 to 25,000 people

[07:08] Eventually, they're gonna get bored. They'll need something to do So yes, the New Agers and artsy crafty and motivational types arrived to fill in that gap We all know people like that. My mom's like that. She was a university professor and when she retired man She had time on her hands and started up all kinds of community groups and organizations sitting on boards and panels and civic groups Soon enough her empty days were filled with all kinds of meetings and artsy fartsy projects and volunteer groups Yep, we all know certain over motivated organizer types They're great to have working for you in a company But when they retire and have all that time on their hands, they've also got a ton of pent up organizational energy, too They just love roping other people in you know the type when you spot them in a grocery store You quickly dart into the adjacent aisle

[07:55] Boketes just filled with those types of gringos and gringos. That's why if I lived in bokehty, I'd probably never answer the door Oh, and did I tell you if you walk into a random coffee shop or restaurant? It'll be just like walking into a Wendy's up in the States Practically all the customers will be gringos and practically all of them 20 to 50 pounds overweight Oh, but the bokehty pharmacists are cleaning up on gringos, too You know we've talked about that suit old medical term five vet 50. That's five prescription drugs That's the average for every 50 year old American well as mentioned in bokehty the average age When talking about gringos and gringos living there is about 65 or 70 most are on about seven prescription medicines a day And the locals even the very ancient ones who are mostly on no medications at all. They think we're nuts

[08:45] They've got whole sections of drugs in the drugstore that are just for gringos locals have never seen or heard of them before Yep, someone ought to take a picture of all these sorted pillboxes holding down place settings when they open up the gringo feeding line At the waffle house buffet mmm yum yum Oh, and by the way if you were to take a poll of the old expat retired gringos living in bokehty When you ask them, what was the attraction? They almost always mention these two things the fact that Panama uses the US a dollar and The fact that you don't have to learn Spanish you can get by a hundred percent speaking only English now to me That's the biggest negative of all the biggest red flag when the place has so many gringos It's so gringo asked that you don't even need to learn the native language

[09:33] And about that so-called cheap cost of living that everyone talks about Well, we all know that your definition of cheap cost of living and my definition could be completely different Depending on what your nest egg is or what your retirement income is so then what about your own personal situation? Well, let me lay it out this way Jason Cohen a CEO and owner of bokehty Realty company he states a decade ago homes in bokehty were priced between 150,000 and 500,000 bucks. Okay, so that was ten years ago. Does that seem reasonable to you? Hmm. I wonder ten years ago. What did homes around your area cost? I don't know about you but up in the northern burbs of Chicago where my folks live

[10:18] Ten years ago houses went for 150 to 500,000 just like they did in bokehty. Not such a deal, right? now today in bokehty Jason Cohen owner of bokehty real estate company Casa solution says today Proppers and bokehty arranged from 200k to 2 million bucks. Hmm. Does that sound like a deal to you? I mean compared to where you live up in the States Well that happened, of course because bokehty gained international recognition in those retirement rag Talk about gringles ruining a good thing. Of course It's local Panama residents who feel these rising costs the most and people are starting to feel the resentment factor growing Hell, I know what that's like. I live in Costa Rica a while Remember that song the backstabbers in the line that goes they smile in your face

[11:08] All the while they want to take your place the backstabbers That's what it was like for me living in Costa Rica and that was many years ago. It's much worse now That's what happens when gringles flooded and killed the goose that lays the golden egg Now, of course where you're gonna live where you're gonna have your plan B. You're gonna have to make those choices for yourself Maybe you want to live in a place that's loaded with gringos. You have to weigh the upsides and the downsides for me Having so many gringos around presents lots of downsides secondary negative effects Some you don't even realize till you've lived there a while by then you may have settled in and it's too late to get Out for a second time. Here's a tip for me. Here's a big red flag Number one when you visit hotels restaurants and supermarkets even walking down the street

[11:54] You see signs that are in spanish and english Number two if you're hanging around the place and talking to people you find out you can get around just fine Not knowing a lick of spanish for me. Those are the two red flags that shout out Probably a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Oh, and by the way One guy named Renny see he's been living in boquete for eight years now He says johnny the drinks at my most popular restaurant hangout were about three bucks two summers ago Last year prices went up to seven dollars Still cheaper than a highball back home in san francisco where some of my friends tell me in certain restaurants It's 20 bucks a drink now Then rennie says Prices have been increasing so much here in boquete that I hate to have to think there's a future

[12:42] When I go to a favorite restaurant, I can't afford to order an extra drink or two But it's starting to get that way. He says johnny. I researched boquete a lot about 10 years ago before I came to panama Was great the first few years I came down, but now expats have taken over which drove the cost of living up so high Locals can't afford to live here anymore though old retired gringos and expats on social security Can do fine as long as they don't have a house payment or car payment You could still live fine here as a single guy for 1500 a month But inflation is not only ramping up in the states. It's ramping up down here, too It puts the squeeze on us too in panama because we use the us dollar so 1500 a month you can do it But not for long i'm thinking not when restaurant drinks are seven bucks a pop

[13:29] It's not just me most all of my friends who count mostly on a social security check are grumbling about it, too All right So there you have it all you guys and gals who've been writing here and there about that little town in panama on the ulti Plano called vocate I know you're wanting me to give you a seal of approval on the place, right? Again, you have to decide but for me and the way I think it's not for me I still see if you want to remake where you go into an image of where you came from Which is what gringos love to do when places get popular. I say why in the f*** Are you even thinking of moving in the first place bad idea? Unless you're broke or living on the edge and it's solely about the lower cost of living even so there are Thousands of off the gringo trail tourist spots that are much less expensive than bokeh

[14:17] Remember though off the gringo tourist trail you won't have gringos to lean on and you'll have to learn some spanish Oh the pain of it all, huh? I say if you're thinking about a plan b and it's only about saving money Stay home stay in cleveland But hey, that's just me by the way You know what really depresses me when I run into a gringo or expat down here and the first thing or Almost first thing they talk about is american politics, man I just got nothing to say to americans who flap their lips about american politics I don't want to hear about american politics or your opinions about it. It's funny I and most expats I know came down here to forget about all that crap It was u.s politicians that destroyed the us as we know it That's why so many of us have voted with our feet

[15:04] We've taken the big step to get the hell out of dodge because politicians are toxic. They're poison They ruined it all for us. So please I don't want to hear about how this or that idiot republican or democrat's gonna fix things Because they never do they always make it worse. They've destroyed or are destroying everything That's good about the u.s And that's why we left so when a gringo or expat down here starts talking to me about politic I've got that person figured pretty well to me. It's an iq test a test. They failed miserably All right enough of that rant Let's talk about a certain part of your gringo advantage that almost everyone's interested in Now this part of the program is going to be far far away from pc. So children and adults who are easily offended Here's a heads up you're put on notice Now over the years i've talked to many many latina ladies

[15:50] Including my latina girlfriends who've told me over and over again that nearly all latinas have mating and dating age vastly prefer gringos europeans canadians and australians that is first world men to their own latino men Now not to sound like a broken record But in previous shows you've heard me say over and over again pretty much the same thing practically every latina lady i've ever spoken to Has had a latino boyfriend or husband cheat on her usually multiple time Then of course, there's a sad fact that more than half of mothers here in latin america are single mothers Or have shiftless husbands or partners who are deadbeat dads Well, you've heard me mention that before and you're probably sick of hearing it So let's talk about something different but related Now simple cheating and infidelity goes on all the time here in latin america and up in the states too, right?

[16:40] But the thing is down here in latin america It's been taken to a level you just can't imagine you can't make this stuff up. I've heard so many outrageous infidelity stories Beyond outrageous infidelity stories that seem almost impossible to pull off I thought i'd give you a little treat today and maybe in a couple of future shows a few samples Some true stories so outrageous if you read them in a book or saw them in a film on netflix You'd probably stop and say yeah, you'd call bullshit and close the book or change the channel All right. Here goes story number one directly out of the mouth of one of my latina girlfriends She lived out in the boonies in a small town of maybe a thousand people her mom and dad had a little farm behind the house She lived in the house with her mother her father her grandma and her two brothers So let's flash back 20 years ago

[17:27] She's 13 years old and every night and weekend they sit on the porch and watch people go by It's sort of a one-horse town and everyone kind of lives on the main street and everyone kind of knows each other The houses all facing the main road were spaced about a half a block apart One day this 13 year old young lady was sitting on the porch with her mother and grandfather And an old guy they knew waved and walked by he was a guy that owned a bigger farm farther down the road They knew that guy. He was about 60 years old today was different though. He wasn't alone as usual He was with a younger guy a tall handsome guy turned out to be a 24 year old military guy a lieutenant in uniform They walked up to the porch the old guy introduced the military guy as his son And said you're probably going to see a lot of him because he's buying a piece of land

[18:13] Next to mine So the girl and her parents did what most latina families will do they invited him into the porch and fixed him a cold Juice drink and they talked for a couple of minutes and they left a week goes by it sunday again That lieutenant in uniform walks by the house again waves. Everyone's sitting on the porch again He walks up to the door asks for a glass of water. The girl's grandmother obliges They sit down for a bit have a little talk. He says his goodbyes and he's off again So anyway, this goes on every sunday for about two months The lieutenant walks by waves walks up to the door and says can I have a glass of water? They sit down and shoot the breeze for a while and he's off Now remember my latina girlfriend is relaying this story to me and I said wait a minute. Wait a minute

[18:58] Why is that guy wearing his lieutenant uniform on a sunday walk into his farm? Isn't that kind of unusual? She said nope out in the compo military guys will wear their uniforms all the time They're considered upstanding guys and they get a lot of respect when they're wearing that uniform And of course, you know the old saying girls love a guy in uniform So anyway a couple of months go by the guy's been visiting every sunday and one day While sitting on a porch having a soda. He says to her dad. Can I talk to you in private, please, sir? They go into the kitchen lieutenant says to the girl's dad I would like to ask your permission to see your daughter on a regular basis With the intention of becoming formal novios. That's boyfriend and girlfriend and the dad thought about it a minute

[19:43] I mean look the girl was only 13 and he was 24 But he figured his daughter could do a lot worse The guy who was asking a lieutenant was a perfectly honorable guy a gentleman a career guy and all that So he said yes with the stipulation being he could visit the daughter and they could sit on the porch But there always had to be a chaperone a family member with them at all times until she turned 16 So anyway, the guy left and the father sat down with the mother the grandmother the daughter etc The dad started discussing the arrangement. The girl was shocked thought it was outrageous. She never had a boyfriend never kissed a guy She said she didn't particularly like the guy much less have an attraction for him And being that she was just 13. She had no bargaining power at all except

[20:30] She was dropped dead gorgeous even at 13 the family and all the neighborhood knew that in fact when she was just 11 turning 12 Her dad's best friend came on to her He tried to corner her in the house when no one else was there and play touchy feely She was able to wiggle her way out of it escape the house And when she told her dad her dad came into the house and broke the guy's nose and told him never to come back again Imagine your best childhood friend trying to pull something like that with your daughter So obviously after that her dad and mother her and grandmother were hyper vigilant Anyway, the young lady did not like the idea at all of her parents fixing her up with this guy She said she was totally unaware of the birds and the bees stuff too because her father kept her well protected So anyway for the next three years the lieutenant kept coming around and yes

[21:15] There was always a chaperone. Of course three years later. She was coming up on her 16th birthday Meaning no chaperones anymore, right? But her dad still would not let her go out alone with him when she turned 16 They could sit on the porch without a chaperone, but that was it now Of course during the week this lieutenant guy would live on the base which was about an hour and a half away Sometimes during military exercises. He'd be gone a couple of weeks at a time Now this is where the story gets really interesting right at about this time when the girl was 16 her Two brothers had picked up a part-time job with the government as census takers They'd be assigned to a town They'd have to knock on every door count the number of people asked a few questions You know typical census stuff happens every five or ten years So anyway about that time two brothers were assigned to another small town about an hour away from where they lived

[22:05] They were knocking at doors going down the street and lo and behold about a block ahead They saw the lieutenant across the street walking hand in hand with two little boys They watched as he walked up to a house a lady came out He kissed her and they went in now the two brothers in their census job were with a group of four So they asked one of the other persons who didn't know this guy to go up and do a census at that house They did the usual census tally They got the name of the guy the woman the two kids all very incriminating when they got back home that night They had a little meeting with their 16 year old sister, but they did not tell their parents or the grandmother They hatched a plan though. That's sunday when the lieutenant came around again The three of them the two brothers and the sister pulled out the census form and confronted the guy with the name of the

[22:50] Lady and the two boys which were his now the mother was shocked and the dad Who was a really big guy stood up and clenched his fist like it was nose breaking time again Oddly enough the lieutenant dropped to his knees and started crying He admitted he had another family another wife two kids in that little town just an hour or so away Then he took out his pistol handed it to her father and said shoot me right now Talk about tense moments for the family for a minute She thought her father really was going to blow the guy away because he was so pissed off And the girl she said was like watching a bad dream in slow motion By the way, she told me all her girlfriends at school university, etc All of them especially the good-looking ones All had crazy stories to tell about how they'd caught guys and lies about their wives and kids and lovers

[23:40] Why do you think latino guys have such rotten reputations with latino ladies? Most of their sisters and their own mothers have horror stories to tell Why do you think latinas are so damn jealous and they come right out and admit it? In fact, I guarantee you're gonna have that conversation if you have a latina girlfriend It will come up in the first couple of dates. I guarantee it She'll say just to let you know right now before things get too heavy. I get extremely jealous So be careful now you may have been in a relationship with a very jealous person up in the states But you think you've seen jealous. Well, you ain't seen nothing yet Why do you think that nearly every latina will ask to see your phone? And where do you think so many latino guys have two phones one a secret phone for their girlfriends and mothers The other for their normal life like talking to their wife kids moms dads and friends

[24:30] But back to our story. Well, her father didn't shoot the guy, but he was pretty close to it Booted him off the porch and he landed on his ass though Anyway, flash forward years went by the young girl got a scholarship to a university in the big city She graduated from college was working at a big bank in a commercial center And suddenly she spots the guy in the bank. He spots her Get this an hour later. It's closing time. She gets into her car a car pulls right up next to her It's the guy he rolled the window down and smiled as if nothing had ever happened He said come on with me She just started her car rolled her eyes and took off Guess what the guy came back the next day She told the rent to cops at her bank that the guy was bothering her They had a little talk with him outside and told him never to come back

[25:17] Thankfully he didn't now. What would you call that? Would you say he had big balls a lot of nerve or just a malignant macho man gene? Probably all three because they are related. Anyway, that's the kind of stuff that can only happen in latin american. Why by default? First world guys in particular gringos shine in the eyes of latinas Oh, but that's not all not nearly all She told me that when she was in university She stayed in an apartment where one whole floor was just girls university girls And on the second floor were dorms with just university guys She said one day when there was almost no one in the building everyone was at school One of those nice university boys broke into her room and pulled out a knife and tried to rape her Now it turned out her dad who was also in the military for a while

[26:03] He knew she would always have problems with guys hitting on her because of the way she was naturally put together So when she went away to college, she taught her a few basic self-defense moves One of which if she was in trouble to just start screaming at the top of her voice So anyway, this guy she knew from upstairs pull a knife on her She told the guy i'm not gonna take my clothes off You'll have to kill me first and she started screaming loud enough apparently that he was startled a few seconds later The neighbor was pounding on the door. So he stopped and ran out Now she figured in macho latin society her word against his wasn't gonna hold much weight if she went to court So she just made arrangements that night to move in with her hands The worst of it was though She'd still at school at the university see the guy walking around once in a while

[26:50] And once she said she was close enough to the guy when they were standing in line to pay a bill at the bursar She looked at him and said loud enough for people around to hear vio la door, which means rapist She said it more than once he turned very red and walked away Oops, we're at the very end of the show. You know, I have lots of similar stories Do you want me to tell a few more? I'll keep going if you're interested I really want you to understand why latinas vastly prefer first world gringos Europeans canadians australians, etc To their own homegrown latino males. I want you to know It's not just about the money and what we can do for them I've got story after story to prove that point if you want to hear them, let me know You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america

[27:37] If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com No spambos