#1378 – Episode 1378: Patience, Punctuality, and the Perils of Living in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started How about jump-starting the show with this email? It's from one of our expat insider seminar alumnus mr. BC It's short and sweet. Well, I should say bittersweet, but it sure packs a punch He says Johnny the one thing I learned about Guatemala is that there is a limit to my patience

[00:51] Then he adds one of those smiling head emojis, which means he's not quite serious, but maybe he is Now there's one thing we all know that people up in the states are pretty much wound up like a spring That's why the psychiatric pseudosciences are growth industries not to mention half the first world bounces between Anti-depression and anti-anxiety meds that sound familiar. Well, it's not like that at all here in Latin America Latinos are basically so laid-back. I Don't know of a single Latin American adult male or female who's on a psychiatric med Although I know autism seems to be kicking up quite a bit in kids I've met a few of those but never an adult with autism You know the most recent stats say one in 35 kids up in the states is on the autistic spectrum

[01:40] You know when I was growing up, I had never ever ever met an autistic kid Today that words bandied about all the time. But when I was a kid Never even heard of it didn't even know there was such a word Even if it would have showed up in a Scrabble game I'd have thought someone was making it up a lot of new and creative words come out of Scrabble, don't they? Anyway, as mr. BC says when you come down to Latin America, you do learn the meaning or the limits of patience I guess I learned very early on from day one that Latinos have an abundance of patience In fact the very first week I came down to Latin America When I was in a taxi going past the Central Park and there was a couple of government buildings with huge lines outside of them I thought maybe people standing in that line were waiting to buy Shakira tickets or something. Yep. It was that long ago

[02:29] I was stuck in traffic for a while and I noticed the line in front of me hadn't moved an inch Yet no one was irate people were laughing smiling talking This was of course before the internet and the dawn of the iPhone so there was no what's up So people were actually sitting and talking to each other Back then if you were stuck in line for a couple hours next to someone you didn't know you end up talking to them Maybe even become best friends Anyway, that was my inkling some 30 years ago that things in Latin America were really different and that me with my wound up type Personality I'd better learn how to adapt to the manana time thing, you know inject a little patience into my attitude or My plan B transition to Latin America was not gonna be a smooth one

[03:15] It's a funny thing too I've noticed over the past 30 years even with all the technological advances that have hit down here to at what's up and the internet Instant messaging, etc, etc people. I mean Latin Americans are still stuck on manana time The smartphone seems not to have made them any more efficient or smarter Sound familiar though? It's true Once in a while a plumber or electrician will show up exactly when he says he will but don't ever think perhaps that might be The start of a new trend Just make sure you write down that guy's number and never forget it. By the way I had such an experience just recently with a plumber. He showed up exactly on time and When he said he'd come back a few days later with the parts to finish the job again He showed up right on time a nice old fat Latina neighbor lady turned me on Tim

[04:05] I should explain again. I'm way off the gringo tourist trail and everyone around me is Latino or Latina Seems only time I ever run into a gringo is when I'm in the business district or I'm walking past the Starbucks Starbucks, you know with a magnet for gringos everywhere and gringo wannabes. Anyway, I wrote that plumbers name and phone number down twice Because that's not the usual experience on the other end of the spectrum Let me tell you a little story that happened a couple of months ago But first let's go way back. The stories do connect. I'd say about six years ago I got on in cuentro venti cuatro, you know, that's the Craigslist down here I was looking to buy a treadmill not a new one I could have gone to Costco and bought a new one for a thousand bucks or more

[04:51] I was looking for a new one or lightly useless because my old one which I've been using a lot Finally bit the dust now being that treadmills have a lot of moving parts and they vibrate a lot Which isn't good for any of the mechanical or electrical parts inside They tend to fail a lot now I always suggest if you're gonna buy some exercise equipment that's got a motor in it like a treadmill or a elliptical bike Whatever always buy a common brand one They sell at the local price mark or one of the brands they use at one of those big fitness centers like Gold's Gym In other words, don't get stuck with a machine. That's an orphan one That's an off-brand because then you might not be able to get parts The mechanics down here might not be familiar with the machine lots of reasons why? By the way, if you're into exercising if you have some exercise equipment and you need some repair or maintenance

[05:41] You can go on that Latin American Craigslist. I always talking about in cuentro 24 in cuentro venti cuatro calm Just plug in fitness or gym equipment and guess what? You'll see five or ten guys pop up in your search that offered to repair those things They'll come right to your house cost you maybe 20 bucks for a house call They'll clean and adjust it and lube it up to now as for me since in a past life I was an engineer. I do my own repairs as much as I can over the years I must have gone through about three or four treadmills and when they break down I take them apart try to fix them Usually I can but eventually there comes a time when you throw in the towel and have to call the experts now as for my last Treadmill the one that pooped out about seven years ago Got really good at taking it apart adjusting things like the belts and taking off the motor changing the brushes

[06:31] But finally then as all things must do it died Just wasn't worth fixing anymore. So I went on in cuentro venti cuatro looking for a new or I should say not new But slightly used treadmill and man, there was lots of them on that site Lots to choose from at least 20 different styles and models most all of them looked in pretty damn good shape That's usually the trajectory of machines like that nine times out of ten fat out of shape people buy them with all the best Intents and six months later they become a dust collecting coat rack Well, I bought one of those a used coat rack dust collector a proform 600i Same make and model they sell at Costco for 1200 bucks. I whittled the guy down to around 600 half

[07:17] Unfortunately, though the treadmill had not whittled him down much He looked like a human bowling pin not trying to be mean here. Like I said, he had the best of intentions So anyway, I had this thing quite a few years and I did a couple of repairs on it myself I'd taken it apart completely two or three times and suddenly one day it just died Smelled a telltale little whiff of something burning on the circuit board So instead of diagnosing the problem myself going through every transistor and resistor part by part I decided hell I'll talk to the guy who lives right next door to me. He owns a gym Now, I don't know if he thinks I'm kind of a jerk because I don't use his gym, which is down the block I use my own equipment at my house He knows that he hears me going on the treadmill

[08:04] We have talked about health and diet too because you never know about these gym guys. They look good But are they really healthy? They sell all kinds of liquids and protein powders at those gyms I've looked at the labels many of them are chock full of artificial crap Anyway, the bottom line is my neighbor owns a gym and I don't belong I use my own stuff You really can't tell what goes through people's minds But every time I see him and we say hi and talk a second that fleeting thought always goes through my head Does he think I'm a jerk because I use my own equipment and don't go to his gym I'm probably wrong about that. But I put myself in his shoes. I probably would think I'm a jerk too Or a cheapskate who didn't want to pay the monthly fee Actually, that's not it. I prefer not to be in a room full of sweaty upscale Narcissists some of them certainly are there's definitely some sports fashion competition going on there between the girls

[08:55] Oh and I can't stomach that horrific rag-a-thon music that seems to be blasting in every gym Then you've got half the people managing to work out and text on their cell phones at the same time Nope, that's not for me I'd rather do a power walk outside every other day and on alternate days and when it rains doing weights and the treadmill at home So anyway, I asked my neighbor the gym owner if he had someone he trusted that maintained his equipment He said of course gave me his name and number The guy showed up the next day neighbor in tow obviously a very good neighbor. He wanted to do the introductions himself Well, the guy opened up the guts of the treadmill Poked around a bit said yep, this power transistor here is blown He said you could tell because it was a different color from the others. It had fried

[09:43] He said I'll take the circuit board home and check the other parts see if it needs anything else He says in about three days I'll come back put the circuit board back in and it will be good to go that was two Months ago, of course, I've been calling him and he's been saying it's more difficult than I thought The shame of it is I gave the guy a $40 deposit. So as mr. BC wrote in his email Guatemala has tested the limits of his patience. I also have a limit to my patience. We all do I don't want to blow up or cause a scene in front of my neighbor who is nice enough to Introduce me to the guy actually bring him over then again the prepare guy who? Obviously my neighbor trusts if not a complete failure at his job minimally. The mechanic is a dickhead

[10:30] He never ended up calling or texting me in those two months. It was me texting him now You don't want to piss off your neighbors, right? That's a bad situation Rule number one keep the peace with your neighbors If I cry to him it would be a case of no good deed goes unpunished and I don't want to put him in that spot After all he was only trying to help. So my next move is to get the board back I probably won't get my deposit back But hey just goes to show you could be living down here 30 years You could even have a show called the expat files where you're supposed to be the expert when it comes to people with a plan B Transitioning to Latin America, right just goes to show even I the so-called expert expat can get in sticky situations Where my patience to is pushed to the limit now as far as the particular case I'm talking about the shit for brains gym equipment mechanic. You gotta wonder over and over again

[11:19] How does a guy like that make a living? How do you maintain a client base? Again, that triggers my usual default saying only in Latin America. They say patience is a virtue Some gringos have it some don't in time though If you want to survive down here without going crazy You find yourself holding your tongue and biting your lip more than you want to unless of course You're in a Latin American traffic jam Then you're allowed to spew as many vulgarities as you can muster in the safe confines of your own car Of course, but aside from traffic jams where you're allowed special dispensation Every other time when I've run out of patience. I try never to resort to saying why me? I'm not a defeatist I just say to myself these kinds of things can only happen in Latin America

[12:07] Then you put it behind you and move on because no matter how much you yell and scream You're not gonna change the culture. Oh and just one more thing. I understand completely what mr. BC is going through He's building a house right now in Guatemala Which could really test your patience even when you're building one up in the States But down here in Latin America man building a house have been through it a number of times And I'll tell you you have to be hypervigilant You've heard the saying he or she's got the patience of a saint From my experience if you're building a house here in Latin America You'll need the patience of a saint and you'll have to toss in the patience of the Buddha and the Dalai Lama to even then You'll have to keep the Alka Seltzer and the Pepto Bismol handy now I'm not saying don't build a house don't get involved in construction projects. Just remember

[12:53] Everyone will be working on my Niana time except you All right, let's take another email. This one's from Ruford in Panama City Panama Been getting a lot of emails from Panama lately Ruford says Johnny. I got a few good laughs out of that show you did about spit valve etiquette I happen to be a retired brass player from the st. Louis Symphony Orchestra Living the retired life of Riley in Panama City He says regarding spit valves us brass players get so used to work in the spit valve that we tend to empty it Willy-nilly without much thought about where and how to do it. Just as you mentioned in your show I guess we're so used to it since we start playing our instruments as young kids We don't really freak out about how really unsanitary it is though

[13:41] I'm not personally insensitive to the fact that we should follow some etiquette rules regarding a how and where we use it He says us brass performers are pretty much used to having little pools of spit around us And as long as you're not empty them right where people will step We don't think about it much be aware though that even just a little moisture can make a patch of floor very slippery So I technically don't like to empty my spit valve in areas where people are likely to be walking Oh, and he says you trombonists out there You'll want to be aware of where your slide your trombone slide will be while playing and suggest to those woodwind players sitting in Front of you that they may not want to put anything underneath them on the floor Because you know a little bit of spit will always drip off your spit valve as you play and if you've got a purse a case

[14:29] Bag iPhone laptop under your chair or behind you some of that stuff might be anointed by spittle during the course of a rehearsal Especially if you're a woodwind with the bone section behind you though his trombone guys with their slides are pretty scatter shot though I admit he says there are some places some elegant halls and even churches We're emptying my spit valve will be more of an issue than not for example when in a beautiful carpeted salon or a nice fancy Church, it's understandable someone will have to clean up after us after we've taken our final bows Though most of us know better when we're playing seated over a luxurious carpet in that case We have small towels most of us throw them down on the ground and empty our spit fowls into them

[15:15] I keep a small towel in my trombone case when playing on a nice plush carpet after all I wouldn't want anyone emptying their spit valve on my living room floor To that effect when I or other brass players are rehearsing at each other's homes We'll throw a small towel on the floor or sometimes just empty our spit into our cases So he says I will go out of my way to avoid emptying my spit valve on someone's floor unless they specifically give me Permission which by the way, he says in my 50 years of playing I have not yet received Yeah, right. Can you imagine that a little chamber orchestra? Let's say is hired to play in your house for an event like an ice cream social on a Sunday afternoon Makes me laugh. I played it quite a few of those as an adolescent. I was a first chair cellist for quite a few years

[16:00] I can't imagine the owner of any house giving permission to the chamber orchestra to blow their spit out on the floor problem Is they're gonna do it anyway? That's just what they do. Anyway Rufus says I think Johnny It's better not to draw attention to spit valves as for me I will slightly turn to the side without any fuss and empty my spit out behind me No one prefers to unceremoniously blow out all the spitting full view of the audience There are some people you know who don't even realize that's part of being a brass player blowing out spit Though I admit it's fun to sometimes make fun of the string and woodwind players Who make disgusting aversions to the puddles we leave on the floor along with a few choice faces Even they understand it's part of the price we pay for playing a classical instrument Though he says I've had a few string players mostly women get sharp with me telling me to keep it confined to my area

[16:53] Anyway, Johnny just thought I'd chime in and blow v8 on the subject love the show signed expat Ruford Panama City Well, thanks for that Ruford and I understand the world has to suffer for art But I don't take kindly to stepping in someone else's spit either. Hell. I don't even like my own spit By the way, my sister's a dentist and she's got these little red Biohazard boxes all over the office. It's the law She says that any used needles anything with blood or anything with saliva on it must be Deposited in one of those special red biohazard boxes to be disposed of in a certified EPA incinerator I don't get it. Does that make sense? It's a biohazard at the dentist office yet if you play a horn You could blow it out anywhere as you see fit like on someone's floor or carpet or the purse or jacket of the wood

[17:45] wouldn't player in front of you then again according to those metrics if you blow your nose your Clinics is now a biohazard. Like I said confusing. So then what does any of this have to do with Latin America? Well, not much truthfully just thought you might get a little kick out of a disgusting device. No one seems to want to discuss Oh, and here's a news flash. This show first goes out on Friday, October 4th Giving you a heads up here. I might not have a show on Sunday because I'd be way out in the boonies Possibly out of internet range. So it might not happen if you hear a repeat expat file show for Sunday, October 6th That's the reason why All right back to latin american news Here is some good news, you know amazon people love amazon, right? I use it all the time, but certainly don't love it

[18:34] lots of reasons for that the way they treat their employees and If you happen to be a seller on amazon, they treat you like shit, too Anyway, as you well know most people in central america talk about central america now who ordered from amazon Have it shipped to a miami mailbox and then they ship it to a satellite office in your country You pay by the pound usually between three and five bucks a pound. You don't pay it to amazon You've already paid them you pay that to your mailbox service The other thing to note is that in most latin american countries you can order things for $200 or less and it won't end up in the adwana. You won't be charged taxes import taxes That varies a bit between latin american countries. Some of them actually have a $400 import tax exemption

[19:22] But they only let you do that two three or four times a year depending on the country So traditionally that's how you get an amazon package if you're living in latin america now, of course amazon will ship directly to some latin american countries and only some products now I've never used that service myself I know people who have and it seems most of them have had problems it gets stuck in the adwana You know, you end up paying taxes on it. Anyway, things get delayed and misplaced That's why most everyone in central america anyway uses a miami mailbox service again That's your intermediary and you only pay by the weight. In other words, you pay amazon Whatever the fee is at amazon They ship it to miami to your mailbox company and your mailbox company ships it to you and your

[20:08] Central american country So when it comes to amazon if you're living in central america You're at a huge advantage compared to living in south america and wanting to buy something from amazon It's almost impossible or just very much more expensive due to the adwana and import taxes In other words south american countries were very much underserved by amazon because of the logistics problem But just this week amazon introduced a five dollar flat rate shipping fee For south america and for a few caribbean countries. They're rolling it out first in equador argentina aruba bahamas Cayman islands and trinidad and tobago I understand they're doing this because they're getting heavy competition from three chinese commerce giant companies Tamu alibaba and shane over the past few years. They stepped into that big vacuum left by amazon

[20:59] Amazon's trying to catch up in south america. They've been left behind So they've changed their policy and don't want to be the last train in the station according to amazon now in those countries previously mentioned According to amazon most of their products in the computer line clothing beauty household technology shoes personal care books kitchenware headphones sporting goods those categories are Available under the five dollar shipping charge policy for south america and the caribbean though There are some exceptions Like for example, the five dollar shipping charge does not apply to really big things like tires or bathtubs or sinks big screen tvs Etc. So what will happen is this say you're in argentina you order from amazon Amazon has partnered with local delivery services like dhl and they'll deliver it right to your door

[21:49] Now remember we mentioned that every land american country handles weight and taxation differently For example in ecuador they have what they call a four by four rule on receiving boxes that are imported In ecuador you could receive a box That's a maximum of four kilos. That's about nine pounds with a maximum value of 400 Then if your box meets those two rules whether it's from amazon or alibaba or whatever You pay no import tax now in ecuador. You can do that four times a year per person In other words receive four boxes a year under that four by four rule and pay no taxes So things are starting to look up for people living in south america who want to order directly from amazon We'll see how that works out I'm sure there will be some bugs in it at first, but as mentioned not all products will qualify for that five dollar shipping fee

[22:40] How are you going to know? Well amazon will inform shoppers on its website as you check out items There'll be a pop-up window that says this order qualifies for the five dollar shipping fee Or not. Meanwhile, here's something I bet you didn't know something that will piss off you guys and gals living in the good old usa Even more than you're pissed off already Yes, you might have guessed we're gonna touch on that problem of the huge number of illegal aliens flowing in Over which you have zero control Did you know that mexico offers escorted rides north from southern mexico for migrants? Who've got a us asylum appointment? You heard about those us asylum appointments, right? Once an illegal enters mexico They download an app on their phone provided by the us government to make an asylum appointment with us immigration

[23:30] Yeah, nice, huh, but you knew that already. Yeah, I think we talked about that a couple of years ago on the show already anyway I'll read from this article translated Cut out the boring parts It says mexico is offering escorted bus rides from southern mexico to the us border for non-mexican Migrants who have received a us asylum appointment the mexican government announced the news saturday The national immigration institute said the buses will leave from the southern cities of via hermosa and tapachula. That's right next to guaramala It's an attempt to make applying for asylum for migrants entering mexico from the south more attractive illegals who would otherwise push north to mexico city Many of whom linger in mexico for months before pushing off to the us Mexico does not like that

[24:17] So the mexican government wants illegals once they get through the southern border to head quickly to the us and not linger It says all illegal migrants who avail themselves of the buses will receive a 20-day transit permit allowing them legal passage across mexico And the buses it further states local state and federal law enforcement will provide security for the buses and meals for the participants All provided during transit says the government press release These rise it said should help discourage migrants from staying in mexico. Wow Funny how they all say they're escaping something terrible, but when they land in mexico, it's just not good enough Nope mexico just ain't good enough. It's got to be the us or canada Oh and get this it says those illegal immigrants who cross the border of mexico who have the resources to buy plane tickets

[25:07] Can fly to the us border crossing points where their appointments are scheduled to reduce the risk of being snagged By mexican authorities or by cartels which abduct and ransom illegal migrants Hmm sounds like another brilliant government plan What do you think? If you're an illegal coming from south of south of the border, you don't even have to tough it out in mexico anymore You just cross the border get on a bus and you're dropped off at the us border. How convenient Yes, I guess there's nothing wrong with the us that 20 or 30 million broke unskilled illegal aliens with less than a high school education can't fix Come on down or up. Oh and did you happen to see the washington times article from just a few days ago? It says that and this is the title

[25:52] 15 000 killers 20 000 sexual assault convicts and 60 000 robbers are among the illegal immigrants At large in the usa and that's being conservative. It says the department of homeland security knows of at least 660 000 illegal immigrants in the us with criminal records including 13 000 convicted killers 16 000 sex assault convicts and 56 000 involved with dangerous drugs This is part of a us immigration and customs enforcement's non-detained docket list Immigration officials say the criminal records of these illegal aliens is largely based on what they've done in the us A register of crimes committed in the us Ice documents say that as of july 21st, 2024

[26:42] 435 719 illegal migrants had criminal convictions and 26 847 have unresolved criminal charges including 13 099 illegal aliens in the us convicted of homicide 10,031 convicted of robbery 15,811 convicted of sexual assault 13,423 convicted of weapons offenses 2,521 convicted of kidnapping and 792 convicted of arson Yep, and they're all in a neighborhood near you No wonder aside from mexico and ecuador crime stats in all latin american countries are way way down They've picked the bones dry in their own countries and they're going to the states because there's really big pickings there

[27:33] South you've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com No spamos