#1386 – Navigating Chaos: Traffic, Karma, and Legal Realities in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the ex-pad files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know the other day. I was feeling slightly in the dumps ever happened to you of course it has You know you wake up sometimes feeling not so great about facing the day For whatever reason you know might be raining outside You might look outside your window see some dog pooing in your yard

[00:48] Or perhaps it's some Latino tossing his trash out the car window Or maybe you're talking to the folks back home hearing their complaints They can be never-ending even reading the news coming from back home stuff like that can get an expat gringo depressed For a minute anyway, so anyway yesterday was one of those days for me, but it didn't last long I was driving along you know in rush hour traffic in the big city here in Latin America of course That can be depressing or could piss you off stuck in two lanes of start and stop traffic You know you're getting antsy because the stoplight itself's about three blocks on up ahead That's why I always have a cheap iPod clone on me in the past I always have a book But these days an iPod and here in Latin America the traffic laws are for cars and trucks not for

[01:39] Motorcyclists they make up their own rules as they go along you will soon realize that and it will piss you up So there I was stuck in traffic moving along like a slug Motorcycles just whipping by me missing me by a hair's breath what they're doing of course is Slipping out of that line and going into the opposite lane of traffic Making the other cars coming from the other way Swerve for them to get by now if you were a car in the other lane coming from the other direction that would really piss You off wouldn't it having to move for a motorcyclist hogging your lane going the wrong way anyway yesterday I got to see a guy or I should say gal in a fairly new Honda CRV Wipe out a motorcycle going the wrong way in her lane. Yeah, she hit him I right caught him with the front left bumper. I don't know what was up with her. She didn't swerve

[02:26] Maybe she was a learner. You know you got to put in the hours to fight the traffic wars down here We all do I remember when I first came down. It was a rude awakening for me I don't care if you've been driving without an accident or a ticket in 20 years up in the States once you get down here It's a whole new ballgame Anyway, I watched as if in slow motion You know how that stuff happens if there's some kind of exit or tragedy seems like it's in slow motion I watched as she just whacked that guy head-on Did he die? Probably and you know in that split second you feel sorry for the guy But I did have a feeling of glee and delight for a moment anyway sure cured my little bout of depression I kind of think almost everyone in that traffic jam felt the same at least for a moment Anyway when things like that happen you can't help but believe in karma if not delayed karma

[03:12] Because you know every motorcyclist down here in Latin America breaks a hundred traffic rules a day They don't care either. They're just idiot risk takers, and they get theirs. Yep, but eventually they do get theirs You just can't continuously drive like a fool without consequences after all karma delayed is still karma right And I'm not hesitant to admit that over the years I've whacked three motorcyclists myself which seems to be a miracle when thinking back because you know I came so close so many times to wiping out other motorcyclists I can't believe in over 30 years of driving here in Latin America I only hit three of them you long-time listeners have heard me tell those stories for you new listeners who haven't heard I'll recap in short with the first guy He did a triple lane change on a massively busy three lane road

[04:01] So he was in the far left lane and decided he wanted to make a quick right turn now He had to change three lanes to do that a stupid and sort of suicidal thing to do, but he did it He whipped across three lanes, and I happen to be in that far right lane So he kind of crossed the two cars in the two left lanes. They slammed on her brakes missed him He wasn't so lucky when he went in front of me. I nailed him was he hurt did he die well I don't know, but his motorcycle was in pieces I slowed down look back and there were parts all over the road the second motorcycle As I whacked was going the wrong way down a one-way Pretty normal for Latin America as is driving a motorcycle on the sidewalk Oh and driving an area solely designated for bicyclists too, but they don't care anyway

[04:50] The guy was driving against traffic down a one-way street was a narrow road a lot of cars parked on one side and one big truck parked on one side Obviously he thought he could get away with weaving around that truck and when he did I whacked him good and hard He went flying. So is he alive or dead? I don't know Surely another case of delayed karma though third Motorcyclists I whacked I was on another three-lane highway by the way all these three accidents occurred in Guatemala Guatemala City Anyway, I was in the far right lane again on a three-lane highway You know all three lanes going in the same direction The light was green on the intersection ahead So the three lanes of traffic moved on through while this cockroach motorcyclist decided to run the red light

[05:36] He was coming from the left and the two cars in the lanes next to me hit their brakes and just barely missed a guy But I clipped him so then was he injured was he dead? Well, I didn't even knock him off his bike But the next guy who hit him about five seconds later, I'm thinking yep skull fracture for sure Lots of bones broken, too I didn't hit him very hard But you don't have to hit a motorcyclist very hard for him to lose control and he did lose control Well, I slowed down a bit look through my rearview mirror saw he lost control and another car hit him really hard took him out Now here's the point when I tell these stories and I do tell these stories when we're at get-togethers Especially when there's lots of gringos and expats around you can't believe how many times the subject of terrible Latino drivers comes up

[06:24] Gringo is bringing up all the time Latinos not much. Why would they they're used to it? But to us it's a revelation Not in a good way either and that age-old question of whether you should stay and wait for the cops or leave the scene Of the accident does get discussed amongst gringos and expats that is amongst Latinos not so much I know I know a lot of you thinking why would that even cross your mind? You never leave the scene of an accident Yeah, well in the States and Canada Europe Australia, you don't leave the scene of an accident, but And here's the thing now this might rub you the wrong way But when you're sitting with a bunch of Latinos and they're discussing their own traffic accidents the ones they've been in it seems That 99% of the time the person is either been in a rear-end collision or an accident caused by a motorcyclist

[07:13] That's not to say that people who drive cars don't drive like shit, too They do but man with motorcycles we're talking about a whole different kind of cockroach like creature subhuman You might say which in some ways is an insult to subhumans First let's talk about how a group of Latinos and Latinas might discuss the subject now Here's the thing you have to know if you're sitting with a bunch of Latinos at a party or something It will almost always be the case that one of them has recently been in a car accident More than half the time a motorcyclist been involved not necessarily in the accident itself But was the perpetrator of an accident just by their weaving and dodging and going the wrong way down a one-way street Running stop signs and red lights, etc. Etc. Oftentimes they narrowly escaped by the skin of their teeth

[07:59] Causing cars to break hard swerve lose control. You get the point. They don't care about that Anyway, when you're sitting down with a bunch of Latinos at a party or whatever Just bring up the subject of car accidents and motorcycles. You'll see they're all of one mind They say the same thing if you hit a motorcycle or they hit you don't stop keep going Now I'm talking about Latinos with decent jobs or with parents with little money We're talking about Latinos who normally drive cars Note that Latinos who drive cars do not have motorcycles in the garage or in the driveway or around the house at all Because they've moved on up note that in Latin America the ones who drive Motorcycles and the ones who drive cars are different classes of people altogether Just note that the class of people who drive motorcycles are most often from the low-class slums or barrios

[08:47] We're not talking about that rich point one percent of Latin Americans who drive Harley Ducati and BMW motorcycles We're talking about the usual suspect motorcycles those cheap-ass 50 to 150 CC Whiny-ass motorbikes from China and India while we're at it. Let's talk about hit-and-run accidents. I Bet you guys in New York, Milwaukee and Cleveland. You've never done that, right? Would never even cross your mind and you know here in Latin America It's oh so common for someone to whack you and just keep on going that is so common. You wouldn't believe it That's mostly because a great majority of Latino drivers cars and motorcyclists don't have insurance They're supposed to every Latin American country has a law where you must have a minimum amount of insurance, you know a third party

[09:33] But still more than half the drivers never get it even though it only costs maybe hundred hundred fifty bucks a year for a car And maybe 35 bucks for a motorcyclist still they don't get coverage or they do it when they first buy their car But they don't renew it or forget to pay the premium. They forget basically on purpose When renewal comes around a lot of them just don't have the dough They get a text reminder from the insurance company on the phone, maybe two and they ignore it So it's like this You've got the whole of Latin American car drivers thinking if you get in an accident with a motorcycle Just keep on going why because once the cops arrive and they might arrive in five minutes or five hours Depending where you are and when the next patrol car drives by anyway It's like this if you get in an accident with a motorcycle

[10:19] Most likely the idiot driver is gonna get banged up pretty bad Maybe even break a bone or two or worse and if an ambulance comes and that person's taken to a hospital The cops will show up and impound your car no matter who's that fault even though they know it's probably the motorcycle They'll impound your car and it'll take a few days. Maybe even a week or two for your lawyer You'll need a lawyer to help you get your car Oh and if the guy dies You'll end up in jail until your lawyer comes and gets you out in any event If you hit a motorcyclist and you stick around Chances are bad things are gonna happen to you because you're a gringo or an expat or a latino with money Oftentimes a motorcyclist even if he doesn't have insurance or a license for that matter He'll find a lawyer who will go to court against a gringo because he knows he can get some money out of you

[11:06] Or threatened to go to court which is enough to scare a gringo into paying something at least and that's how it often works out You'll end up paying the guy off through his lawyer that is to drop the case simply because any kind of legal action down here can be dragged on for a year or Two even three and believe me a gringo stuck in that system feels pretty helpless and a Latino stuck in that system He doesn't feel helpless, but he knows if he just pays the guy a couple of grand It'll go away Sometimes just a couple of grand in the local funny money Which could be 50 bucks and you know the average working guy gringo or latino may not like it But it's better than having to spend time and effort on pointless court appearances dragging on and on and the stress that goes along with That by the way if you're facing a court challenge a good Latin American lawyer can drag things on for you in your favor

[11:53] I've seen lawyers for gringles who've been sued drag things on for years so that the party suing gets so worn down They just cave so it works both ways, but believe me you don't want to go to court unless you really have to oh And another thing even if you're a hundred percent in the right and a hundred people standing around at the scene of the accident At the stoplight saw it they were witnesses Doesn't matter most people just won't stand up for you people Just don't want to get involved good luck trying to get a witness if you do end up in court unless of course Let's say your passenger caught the whole thing on camera then by all means you will win your case in a hurry But how often does that happen? More and more these days cuz everyone films everything So I guess that'll work if you're driving a Tesla because a Tesla's got hundreds of sensors and cameras going at all times

[12:41] But for a routine accident don't count on it Here's the thing when I first got down here to Latin America when I first sat down with that Latin American lawyer And he started telling me the legal facts of life for gringos and expats living here Practically the first thing out of his mouth is he said you have to have your lawyer on speed dial Next thing he said if you get in any kind of car accident first person you call your lawyer He said no matter what happens dial up your lawyer first even before you dial 911 By the way, I'm talking about Costa Rica. That's not the first Latin country I ended up in but it's the first Latino country where I had my own car It's where I had my first real sit-down with a Latin American lawyer, too So before then I really didn't need that kind of advice because I wasn't driving yet Just taking taxis and metros and the occasional chicken bus

[13:28] back then I didn't know any better next thing he said was never leave the scene of an accident then he winked and said You know I'm supposed to say that because I'm a lawyer. I'm supposed to follow all the norms and the letter of the law But off the record he said if you get an accident with a motorcyclist Don't stop just keep on going get the hell out of there fast. Don't stick around don't get out of the car Just go then after my stint in Costa Rica. I ended up in Colombia and Panama met with lawyers there, too They said exactly the same thing Never leave the scene of an accident then they'd wink and say as a lawyer I'm obliged to tell you that but my personal feeling is you should leave if you hit a motorcycle or he hits you You know when you first hear that from a lawyer. It doesn't go down well, but you get used to it by the way a few of those lawyers admit to hitting motorcyclists and leaving the scene themselves and

[14:20] When I ended up in Guatemala I got that same advice from two different lawyers of course always in private behind closed doors So my advice to you gringos and expats decide for yourself. You've heard the pros and cons I'm not advising you to break the law, but wink wink. Hey hey Sometimes do what I say not what I do is not good advice. Oh That reminds me of a sort of diabolical story too turns out a gringo I know it did get into an accident with a motorcycle and he just kept on going He immediately called his lawyer though told him the story and his lawyer said where did it happen? The lawyer paused for a second and said oh that might not be good because you know that spot where you hit the guy That's a place where lots of delivery motorcycles hang out and those guys man

[15:09] They stick together like an informal union, so he said there's a good chance someone got your plate So he said if the guy ended up in the hospital or worse The police will get that info and put you on a list and someone will be knocking at your door or in your case He said my door because you got your car under a society Don Anima an SA corporation Registered to my office address, so if you're in any trouble I'll be the first to know they'll phone me up or knock on my door by the way. That's another very good reason It's a good idea to have an SA corporation You can put your house and your car under it so anyway the gringo said what should I do his lawyer said? Hold on a day or two. I'll do some checking meanwhile. He said put your car in the garage Don't drive it three or four days later the lawyer called back giving him the all-clear. He said you're all right drive your car

[16:00] Anywhere you want now get this then the gringo asked his lawyer. Well. What if someone would have got my plate? What was my next move and the lawyer said next time you're in the office? I'll tell you, but not here We're on what's up hmm, so Lawyers in Latin America know or certain lawyers especially the ones dealing with gringos and expats They know not to say sensitive or confidential things on what's up anyway When the gringo next met up with his lawyer. He said so tell me what would have happened if someone would have got my plate number His lawyer said I would give you an address where you go with the car to drop it off He said you'll leave it there, and you might not get it back for a month or two a Car would have been reported stolen the day before the motorcycle incident the lawyer said

[16:50] Then a month or two later found recovered Probably minus the wheel rims the battery some other stuff. Are you getting this? the moral of that story is you're not in Kansas anymore Dorothy you're in Latin America and Lawyers down here man. I told you about the lawyers down here. Some are completely inept basically fools and Others man. They're so well connected. They can get anything done It's a balancing act though because you want a lawyer that can do stuff right even Questionable stuff done at an arm's length if it's gonna save your life or save you from going to jail The trick is though to find a lawyer who is completely loyal to you sort of crooked when necessary Depending on your definition or crooked. Let's just say able to bend and twist a law when necessary

[17:40] without actually scamming or gouging you Now I know some of you might find this whole topic somewhat distasteful But is it really any less distasteful compared to what goes on in legal circles up in the United States? I mean you know what they say in The States it's not justice that prevails in court It's who's ever got the best lawyer the Latin legal systems corrupt But the gringo legal system is corrupt in its own way in fact down here a Latin lawyer Told me he could buy any judge for five thousand bucks In the States a judge would laugh at you if you offered him five G's now 500 G's now you're talking and down here in Latin America every congressman's for sale too and cheap up in the States same thing

[18:26] I mean look You've probably heard the stats or maybe you have it for every congressman in the States big pharma's got five lobbyists each offering bags of campaign cash and goodies But you knew that already Speaking of crooked politicians, and then some Let's talk a little bit about Venezuela. You know I keep getting emails from people saying Johnny look Now that Venezuela's emptied out all their jails, and they're up in the States now You've heard the stories right and now that Venezuela's lost a quarter of its populations in the last ten years and From all news reports is as safe as can be because the criminals are all up in the States Doesn't it stand a reason that this might be a very good time to invest in real estate in Venezuela?

[19:16] Not only have I've been getting a trickle of emails asking that very same question I just recently saw Doug Casey's podcast. You know Doug Casey. I like the guy a lot He's sort of the father of crisis investing anyway He's got a podcast people ask all kinds of questions one of them. Just recently was what about Venezuela? He said yeah It's probably a good place to invest now. He listed some of the same reasons. I just mentioned why not by he said prices are at rock bottom he hasn't been there in years and years, but Turns out he's got some gringo expert, but he's thinking about doing the same thing You know the old saying my low sell high most people never do that But Venezuela just might be perfect for that kind of speculation But is it in fact good friend of the show Bob writes from the Mexican altiplano

[20:04] He says Johnny I have a good gringo friend a retired engineer Who's cashing out all of his stuff in Alaska and wants to buy an altiplano spot in? Meridia, Venezuela Apparently after using Google Maps and checking out climate data. He's looking at meridia Venezuela is a great place to start investing in land Well, I'm not telling you you shouldn't do it Except there are a few things about Venezuela that I know that most people who think they know about Venezuela will never know I'm not saying I'm an expert because I visited there a few times last time was right before COVID So it's a while back the fact is I had a Venezuelan girlfriend for three years through her I met lots of expat Venezuelans. In fact, one of my good friend gringo expat buddies married a Venezuelan girl

[20:52] I've had many conversations with her one particular conversation shocked the hell out of me We'll get to that in a second So in fact, I've had countless discussions with Venezuelans over the state of their economy. I asked if it's time to buy land They keep telling me They say not now because Maduro and the government is not only in the drug trade But that for the last 12 or 14 years, they've been actively selling passports To Arabs and Muslims for 20,000 bucks In fact, a number of Venezuelans have personally told me there are areas in Venezuela Sort of no-go areas that is no goal for the regular population areas that are complete Muslim neighborhoods They're cordoned off with fences. There are Muslim terrorist cells set up all over Venezuela

[21:40] They're all there legally too because the people living there have bought their passports as mentioned In fact, my girlfriend herself had three little clothing tienes in a commercial center in Caracas, Venezuela Right next to her in the same center There was a big tiena selling nothing but jeans wholesale and retail the owner a west-hating Muslim from Libya They say Libano in Spanish She said back then the owner's kid a 20-something guy who was married to a traditional Muslim wife Was in love with her asked her if she'd be his mistress She turned him down flat But you know their businesses were side-by-side So they often sat down had coffee and he'd tell her things like for example He told her about all those no-go terrorist cells throughout Venezuela

[22:27] She and other Venezuelans told me they know exactly where some of those places are Suffice it to say if you think it's a good idea to buy land in a country that supports a number of Muslim Terrorist cells. In fact, they protect them and allow them to be isolated training center Is that the kind of country you want to buy land in if you don't believe me just do a search put in the search box Muslim terrorists with Venezuelan passports, you'll have dozens of articles to pick from here's one that says investigative reports reveal Venezuela's embassy in Iraq caught selling Venezuelan passports and identity documents to Middle Eastern nationals Well, how about this one FBI's wanted list has a Venezuelan diplomat on it who happens to be a key Hezbollah operative So the fact is Venezuela's incubating

[23:14] Jihadism in America's own backyard and you're thinking maybe this will be a good place to buy some cheap land and get your plan Be going oh And sort of related to that. I was talking to this young lady Venezuelan lady I told you I'm married to a gringo expat buddy of mine married now three years. She's 32 Now I've mentioned many times if you know Spanish people will talk to you They'll open up to you. The thing is her own gringo husband speaks very terrible Spanish So they're always speaking in English. Her English is not very good Probably like a six out of ten, but they seem happy. They seem to make it work Anyway, whenever I run into these guys She always sits down with me cuz she knows I can go back and forth with her in Spanish and me bring up Pregun tone that means a person who asks a lot of questions. She doesn't mind giving me unfiltered answers

[24:03] Obviously she hates the socialist Maduro regime and someday wants to go back when the socialists are gone, of course Anyway, when you get to know a person you ask about their family, right? She has another sister her sisters in Venezuela I said why didn't she leave with you turns out she doesn't have to she's doing great because she's married to a guy Who's a mayor of a small town? Of course, she pulled out the photos this girl lives in a nice house Swimming pool beautiful late model cars in the driveway ones a Range Rover So anyway, I'm looking at photos of her sister and her husband the mayor and the husband is probably only 38 years old handsome guy muscles Anyway, the sister I was talking to told me her sister Almost left the guy and left the country when she found out the mayor had an illegitimate kid with his secretary

[24:50] She found out the mayor her husband had a second household in another city He had a rental in a high-rise tower where they were staying a crazy thing happened though The secretary the other woman she was only 27 had a stroke and died in that weird So now the kids alone, so he approached his wife Got on his knees and confessed everything asked her to take the kid in to take him into the family With them along with the other two kids he had with his wife Of course, she blew a gasket But she ended up accepting the kid and the present of a beach house on Margarita Island a famous resort area in Venezuela That's how he paid her off by the way when this Venezuelan girl was showing me pictures of her sister and

[25:38] Her mayor husband at the beach house in one of the close-ups. I noticed he was missing two fingers I said what's up with that? She said oh, yeah on his way up the political ladder He started as a union organizer for bus drivers chicken bus drivers in the light oftentimes They'd have to use muscle and he got lots of fists and knife fights Anyway, I said, how could he be so rich just being a small-town mayor range rovers beach houses, etc She said well people don't know it But because he was a union organizer and became head of the bus drivers Union She says he gets one or two boulevards for every gallon of gas sold when a bus driver fills up That's the deal. He's been getting for years the skim. It's that he said or the buses will go on strike Then no gas will be pumped. Then she told me to kick her turns out he had another family

[26:28] Another woman came forward with his kid his legit wife refused to take the kid in She didn't have to though because the mother was still alive. His wife got fuming mad once again But she did not leave him the payback. She demanded when she found out he had another kid and a mistress another brand-new car The funny thing is or maybe it's not so funny. You can be a mayor and be the head of a union How's that by the way? It's funny down here. They call unions syndicatos like syndicates So if you're in a union or running a union, you're a syndicalista sounds like the Mafia, huh syndicate? That's pretty much the size of it and I can prove it turns out this guy the mayor before he became mayor had enemies Someone cut the brake lines on one of his cars

[27:14] Turns out his brother was driving when the brakes fail it rolled three times his brother didn't get killed But he's permanently paralyzed in a wheelchair. Hmm. So you want to move to Venezuela, huh? Buy some cheap beautiful land get that plan be going. Well, I say good luck with that You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat Insider seminar in Central America where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com. No spamos