#1473 – The Expat Files: Navigating Cultural Misalignment, Crime, and Practical Living in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Gringo stupidity is on a sliding scale. You know a bell curve Over the years down here. I've met some really smart gringos brilliant gringos Of course, you could be brilliant in some areas and an idiot and others I've also met lots of gringos mostly tourists who I choose to avoid and only just say hi to

[00:49] Especially those idiot gringos and gringos who just like to show off Who just like to brag about all the stuff they have? Especially while on the gringo tourist trail trying to impress gringos and expats. They don't even know take for example this article It just came out last week in Colombia's biggest newspaper. I'll translate it for you. It should serve as a nice lesson Basically, here's what it says on Friday, September 19th The Medellin Civic Security Secretary announced that a 25 year old armed thug Was captured after robbing a North American tourist of his diamond studded gold chains and a Rolex watch a real Rolex watch valued at according to the mayor's office over a hundred and twenty thousand US dollars The assailant robbed a tourist using a blank firing starter pistol

[01:37] Luckily, it says police were able to return the jewels to the victim and the thug is now in custody Neither the victim nor the subject have been named up to this point However, the mayor's office shared a video of the gringo and the assailant All right. Now, here's the good part. Here's the analysis. This is that San Javier known as Kamuna tresse Kamuna 13th on the west side of Medellin is a low to moderate income neighborhood known for its long history of gang and Insurgent related violence a place gringos and expats might not want to hang out or walk through Although the neighborhood is much safer than it was during the worst of Colombia's Narco violence is still controlled by street-level criminals who themselves are controlled by organized crime structures Though the neighborhood is considered safe for backpacker tourists on supervised and guided tours

[02:26] It remains a low-income area where few people earn an annual income of over ten thousand dollars US in other words almost every stable family makes minimum wage or less that would be three to four hundred dollars a month Now here's the thing this guy's walking around in that district and walking around anywhere in Latin America Let alone in an area where tens of thousands of people live on three or four hundred dollars a month and some in very desperate Circumstances any idiot gringo walking around with over a hundred thousand US dollars worth of jewelry and watches is just a fool Some might even say he was asking to get robbed After all he was carrying around a lifetime's earnings for most people in that district It's difficult to sympathize with anyone possessing such profound stupidity When bad things happen to a guy like that, you don't think oh too bad you think what an idiot

[03:16] It's as if he was broadcasting. Look at me. I'm a rich American clown Now again, they didn't release any of the photos of this American victim So we don't know if he's a white black Asian or Latino American All they're saying is this guy is American national gringo now You've heard me say many times before an American citizen is always a gringo No matter what his cultural roots are European Asian black Whatever Latinos down here in Latin America at least will always refer to an American citizen No matter what color or country of origin of his parents grandparents, whatever as a gringo They don't distinguish between African American gringos Caucasian gringos Asian gringos. They just say gringo now Here's the thing and I might take some shit for that But I've been noticing as more and more tourists come down to the tourist havens like Cancun to Loom

[04:05] Porta Vallarta Costa Rica the DR, etc I've noticed that more and more these fools like to wear and in fact show off gaudy gold chains and watches and other bling expensive real sunglass brand names real gold bracelets rings and things Way over the top classless and gaudy, you know what I'm talking about That hip-hop and gangster video look obviously not altering their usual mode of dress at all They wear that gaudy heavy gold crap back home and they wear it when they come down here, too And what I've been noticing lately Especially in Colombia and the DR more and more black Americans are coming down on vacation and good for them, too They're getting out of the country. That means they're way ahead of most people. Anyway, I hate to say it But nearly all of them I'm talking about most young black tourists aged maybe 20 to 35

[04:54] Stupidly dressed like rappers and gangsters They somehow think it's cool and that the people down here in Latin America are gonna recognize that well, they don't Instead what you've done is you've told everyone you're an idiot. You're a mark for the bad guys. I know I get it That's the low-class fashion and style and the neighborhood they came from. However, most of these guys They're not rappers or gangsters They're just regular people coming down on vacation who have not yet got the memo that you don't travel to Latin America Looking like you just walked out of a P Diddy video man I hear stories all the time and how they get rolled after going to a bar drinking all night Buying ladies drinks and stuff going back to the ladies place or their hotel and getting rolled man That's not the way you want to remember your Latin American vacation, but man I've heard so many stories like that, especially in Costa Rica Cancun Playa del Carmen Tulum and the DR

[05:46] I'll tell you what when people ask me how you dress when you come down Let's say to one of my seminars or how you dress if you're just getting boots on the ground down here on your own I always say dress like a ninth grade geography teacher on vacation at Yellowstone Park Not quite like a ragged around the edges backpacker a little more upscale than that But more like a weekend hiker, of course, a lot of Latinos say that the typical gringo uniform is A blousy Hawaiian shirt a Panama hat and some cargo pants all nice and pressed and clean Of course, at least that's how the gringo look starts out on day one Doesn't take long though before we get a bit rumpled That's sort of the standard look for gringo on a medium budget tour Of course, you'll stick out like a gringo no matter what you do or how hard you're trying not to you can't hide the fact

[06:36] That you were gringo. We always stick out like gringos. The locals can spot us a mile away Same thing goes for Europeans called Europe arrows here in Latin America They've got a certain look and attitude and presence to Latinos can spot them right away as well and you'll learn to do it, too It's hard to explain but they just look kind of different But I'll tell you the bad guys down here are not looking to steal your Panama hat or your cargo pants They're looking for jewelry and brilliant shiny objects And if you don't support any of that crap, you won't be a person of interest. You'll most definitely be alright Oh, and of course, there's a huge number of cell phone thefts down here and gringos are stupid with their cell phones, too They always seem to carry the latest most expensive model. I'm mostly talking about gringo and gringo tourists

[07:21] Now expats seem to know better especially after a hard lesson or two, but some don't they never learn In fact that my expat insider seminars. I show a slide of a busy street here in Latin America alongside a busy pedestrian walkway And about every other person's got his head bound low staring at his cell phone while he or she is walking along Yep, I've seen petty theft down here with my own eyes I saw two scumbags on a motorcycle pull over to help a gringo couple whose rental car had stopped cold dead They were looking at the motor with the hood up when one of those two guys on a motorcycle Just tore the gold chain right off the gringo lady's neck. They were gone before she even knew what happened I was standing right there trying to be a good Samaritan myself helping them check out whatever problem

[08:06] It was under the hood. Well, it turns out they had bigger problems than that and I couldn't help myself I said to her didn't anyone tell you you're not supposed to wear jewelry when you come down here Well, that didn't help. She was not ready to hear that Basically in a roundabout way telling her she was an idiot. So I did not make a friend that day I also saw a robbery happen actually twice an identical scam Where again two guys on a motorcycle whipped past a group of pedestrians on a street corner Many of whom were staring at their phones. Of course I watched the same thing happen twice the guy in the back of the motorcycle Grabbing a cell phone right out of the lady's hand and before she even realized that it happened. They were gone Oh and not long ago in Panama City I was walking down a busy street and I watched a college-age kid in front of me Grab the cell phone out of the back pocket of a girl in front of him

[08:53] And he took off across the street through traffic running five seconds later. He was gone. That's one very bad habit I've noticed with latinas here in Latin America Latino guys, too They love to put their smartphones in their back pocket So you can see the balls and half the time the pocket is a lot shorter than the phone So it's sticking halfway out Sometimes I think they want it to stick out a bit So people see that it's a late-model iPhone or the latest Samsung Galaxy or something for that all-important coolness Factor that's so big with Latin Americans here. I don't get it How could you be that stupid which is why I have about zero sympathy for people who have their cell phones ripped off So then you might ask what happens all those cell phones that get ripped off Well, you're supposed to be able to track those things, right especially iPhones

[09:39] They have an app for that the find my phone app, right? Funny thing though It's just lots of little independent smartphone kiosks everywhere here in Latin America You're going to a grocery store. You'll be a kiosk there with smartphone sales and repair The dirty little secret is that every little one will unlock a phone So what's that mean? Well when a phone gets stolen you can effectively lock it down Or you may have some decent security on the thing and have a nice tight password that you think or hope is effective Well, that won't slow down a thief He'll just go to one of those little kiosks or you have a favorite friend or tech bro Who can unlock a phone and maybe even get into your banking stuff? Anyway, in the end, they'll wipe the phone and resell it Which is why used cell phones here in Latin America used very high-end late-model cell phones

[10:28] too can be had for about half the price of brand-new model that's still in the box which sort of fills in that gap in case you're wondering why Cleaning ladies gardeners and maintenance guys who make two or three or maybe four hundred bucks a month It sort of answers the question why they can walk around with a late-model iPhone that lists basically brand-new in a box for Grand or even more. Well, that's because almost all poor folks and lower middle-class folks down here buy used cell phones Many of which are recently ripped off and reprogrammed phones Which as mentioned are half the price of a phone in the box brand-new half price or less So if you're thinking lots of poor Latinos and lower middle-class Latinos that are just scraping by Are the proud owners or not so proud owners of stolen cell phones?

[11:13] You'd be right, of course They all sort of know that in the back of their mind when they buy the thing at the local kiosk But they don't really care. They don't much dwell on it for them. It's all about the price So that's what sort of keeps the revolving door of thieving cell phone crooks in business because I'll tell you in general upscale Latinos and children of the rich are not likely to buy a stolen cell phone Even if it's the latest greatest model iPhone Because they pride themselves and make a big deal out of going down to the local iPhone store The real McCoy the registered dealer buying it from the dealer having them set it up right there with the guarantee in the original box Oh and about those original iPhone boxes, they're nice boxes. Oh, and I'd love to scatter them around their house So when you show up to visit that original box is oh so casually on display

[12:00] I've seen that many times actually more so with Latino guys than girls in this case I don't know what's up with that man It seems that with so many Latino guys as they get older their body ages like everyone else But their brain stays stuck at age 18 So again, if you're wondering why you're cleaning lady or your uber driver has a late model iPhone When you don't want to spend that kind of money on a stupid cell phone yourself now, you know why oh and here's another inside tip You'll find that young Latino ladies between the ages of let's say 14 and 35 or even 40 They all want to move on to the latest greatest iPhone as soon as it comes out or as soon as one of their friends Gets one sound familiar So basically a new iPhone won't last them more than two years because they'll want to move up to the next model

[12:47] Even though the model they've got is a hundred times more than what they really need Well, you know, you like what you like, right? And there's no point trying to talk them out of it They'll come up with some excuse like the newer phone has more memory or a better camera I've found out you really can't win that argument But on the positive side you can put it to your advantage because when she moves on up and gets that new cell phone You just take her old one which for sure has ten times more features than you'll ever need believe it or not for the past Probably ten maybe fifteen years. I personally have been living on hand-be-down phones from my girlfriend For example right now. I got a top-of-the-line Samsung Galaxy Whatever that is top of the line Maybe two or three years ago that I inherited when my girlfriend moved on up to the latest greatest cutting-edge model

[13:32] So I can count on every couple of years getting a really nice hand-be-down phone That's always a hundred times better than what I really need I mean look, I think I've only got four or five apps running on my phone. How many do you have on second thought? I don't want to know Alright switching gears here digging into that never-ending email pile again first from Shawn He says Johnny I had a private consultation with you back in 2021 and did send one of my sons Briefly to visit Guatemala as you had suggested but in the end we wound up going to Florida instead We are now in a better position to make some moves So I wonder if your opinion on Guatemala as a potential place to move has changed any recommendations would be very welcome And thank you, Johnny It was your voice and a couple of others crying in the wilderness that helped me stay confident that it wasn't just me

[14:20] Going crazy doing all that craziness of that Covid it stuff all the best Johnny signed Shawn Alright Shawn. You're asking me if Guatemala is still a good location for a plan B I'll tell you what Shawn if all the plan B destinations in Central America, I would pick Guatemala hands down Why because it's got everything it's got that Ulti planet with perfect weather conditions all year round Running straight up through the center of Guatemala top to bottom from El Salvador to Mexico It's got the jungles and the lowlands to the people are super nice. It's very inexpensive Relatively speaking. I mean look before the Covid it crap It's just amazing how cheap the food and the basics were in Guatemala Of course with the lunatics in Washington printing trillions of dollars for that

[15:06] Covid at fiasco the whole world including Guatemala has suffered a huge wave of inflation But still relatively speaking. It's one of the cheaper countries in Latin America Which makes it one of the cheaper countries across the world when I say Guatemala's got everything well almost everything. It's got the mountains Pyramids ancient ruins jungle rainforests cloud forests Colonial towns that go way back to the 17th century with cobblestone streets and massive old cathedrals and town squares And I'd say 95% of it is way off the gringo tourist trail In fact, there's only two towns you're really gonna run into gringos on a regular basis That would be Antigua Guatemala and panne and cell in that Lake Atitlan region Which is again considered one of the two most beautiful lakes in the world

[15:51] Depends on who you talked to number one and number two flip back and forth between Lake Atitlan and Lake Como in Italy Of course Guatemala is still a third world country That means if you have a good lawyer the rules are super flexible Of course, if you're an uptight sort of anal person in our strict to the letter of the law You won't be good with that. But man, that's just the way of life in Latin America. That's the way it is Basically though as long as you've got a good lawyer, everything will be fine Oh one more thing when I say Guatemala has got everything or almost everything one thing it doesn't have Good beaches. There are plenty of beaches, but they really suck. Of course, it's because it's a volcanic area So all the sand is dark. I'll tell you when the sun's shining. It's hard to walk on that stuff barefoot It's so hot. But then again having owned a house and property in the Caribbean

[16:37] I know what it's like to live on a beautiful five-star white sand beach So I'm kind of spoiled in that regard and that's why I sort of thumb my nose at Guatemalan beaches Which are pretty much the same as the beaches in Nicaragua in El Salvador and much of Panama and Costa Rica Though admittedly the Panama and Costa Rica beaches are a bit nicer Anyway, some people say a beach is a beach and when you've got a place on the beach It's supposed to signify somehow you've made it and when you hear somebody say up in the States, for example Yeah, I got a beach house. I live in a beach. You think wow your mind conjures up this beautiful white sand Hawaii type beach Well, you're not gonna find any of that in Central America at all So for me, that's one of Guatemala's only faults picky picky, huh? Because you know, some people don't think it's a fault at all in the locals. They love their beaches Oh, and by the way, another cool thing about Guatemala. If you're a resident, you can own guns as many as you like

[17:26] Bottom line, you'll never be lacking for things to do. It's cheap relatively speaking compared to first world countries on top of that I've got a great network put together in Guatemala of gringles and expats many who came down to my expat insider seminar and Eventually ended up staying so you can tap into the wisdom of all those guys in galf all smart like-minded people who got the hell out Of dies before everything up north went down the tubes on top of that in and around Guatemala We've got doctors and hospitals and insurance plans all sussed out Of course, we go over all of that at my seminar but one of the coolest things is you have the option to live completely off the gringo tourist trail, but Yet close enough to the gringo trail So if you get homesick and want to talk one-on-one face-to-face with real gringos You can mingle with a bunch of fellow gringos in those two cities panachella and Antigua

[18:16] By just driving an hour or two or three and speaking of the gringo tourist trail in Guatemala It's not like you think there are no high-rise villas or residential towers resorts and street signs in English Like you'll see in Cancun Cabo Costa Rica, etc. In Guatemala It's low-key kind of adventure tourism You know what people mostly out to hike the volcanoes and see the pyramids and the colonial ruins, etc It's not beachfront jet ski resort tourism There's none of that no all inclusive resorts either In fact, even in the beach towns and there's quite a few of them even though the beaches are nothing to write home about You'll find the beach crowds are Latinos not gringos. It's the locals that hang out at the beaches Anyway, if you come down you'll see best way though to get the full perspective is to sign up for my next Exped insider seminar

[19:05] Like I said before I haven't picked the dates yet But it'll probably be early in the new year if you want to get in on the early bird list Remember, it's the Exped finals at gmail.com. Alright next email comes from Michael He says hello Johnny Mueller You have mentioned many times on your show that a person could go to any pharmacy in Latin America and you get a prescription drug without a prescription Written by a doctor which would not be possible to do in the US of A He says Johnny if I were to get a prescription drug from a pharmacy in Guatemala City for a family member and bring it with Me on the plane back to the states would I get in trouble with the police at the airport in the US? Will I get stopped by immigration? The other thing Johnny is what pharmacy in Guatemala City? Do you suggest I go to your reply would be greatly appreciated signed Michael. All right, Michael great question

[19:54] Here's the thing Mike it all depends on the quantity of drugs You're gonna bring back to the states and to a lesser extent the kind of drugs you want to bring back for example Suppose you were to go to a pharmacy and buy 100 Ibermectin tablets They're usually 6 milligrams each lots and lots of gringles and expats have done that by the way Ibermectin is a hot item still and you can get it at most every pharmacy without a prescription Anyway, many many gringles and expensive told me it went through just fine at the airport I know of no one who's ever been hung up at customs or the immigration office However, if you were to bring back some narcotics, let's say Because you know you can get that stuff down here too Like for example their version of oxycodone the various forms of coding stuff like that their generic version of Tylenol 3, etc

[20:40] Well, I wouldn't try it because there's really no good medical reason for you to be down in that stuff It's addictive though. I have to tell you a few years back my brother who's got an addictive personality Hey, who doesn't right? He went and bought himself 250 Tylenol 3 tablets 250 pills that's a lot to haul around with you. He later told me he combined them all into one little bottle I guess it wasn't such a little bottle and flew with that stuff back to the States No one stopped him. No one asked him a single question. Of course, he was taking a chance I didn't know he did that and I definitely would have advised him against it But he did it without telling me so in that case he was taking a chance It was a roll of the dice that he got through I guess so again I wouldn't try bringing through painkillers and addictive stuff

[21:26] I think 50 or a hundred of some type of medicine, for example antibiotics, ivermectin, etc You're not gonna have a problem. By the way, I've had some people ask me about ozimpic and ozimpic clones down here in Latin America. Yeah, they're available. All right, but since they're not generic yet They're just as expensive down here as they are up in the state. In fact, my other brother asked me about that, too From what I hear that stuff ain't cheap. So when it comes to that stuff, you're probably better off getting it in the States Oh, and here's another thing I've heard from gringos and expats that they can go into a pharmacy and for example ask for an oddball prescription Let's say and then the gringo advantage kicks in once in a while and I've seen this happen to in a pharmacy a Local Latina or Latino will walk in and ask for some kind of drug and they won't have a prescription and the pharmacist will say

[22:12] Do you have the doctor's prescription with you? And if they don't sometimes they'll refuse and say go get a doctor's prescription and the reason why is this With a real doctor's prescription. It'll say how many pills how many times a day you take them before or after meals, etc General instructions in Latin, of course, because that's how they read prescriptions to confuse the rest of us That's the plan So just a little tip here if you're gonna come down here to Latin America go into a pharmacy and buy a prescription drug And you don't have a prescription you might want to know a little bit about the drug, you know How you take it etc the dosage stuff like that in case the pharmacist asks you a question or two That's when the gringo advantage kicks in in any event. I'll almost never refuse a gringo In fact, I know one gringo old-timer who's been living down here a long time

[22:59] He's got the best system for getting his prescription drugs that he no longer has a doctor's prescription for He's on about three or four medications and he saved the bottles from the prescriptions He had up in the states, but I'm down here to Latin America with him the empty bottles and when he needed refills He no longer had a prescription for he just took out the empty bottles handed them to the pharmacist and the pharmacist looked at the labels And filled them and that's what he's been doing for years Just taking the bottles back and having them refilled whenever they run out in a way You could say that's part of your gringo advantage, too So if you even have one pill left over from an old prescription you hand out to the pharmacist and you're in like Flint You boomers out there will get that reference in like Flynn. Anyway, Michael I hope that answers some of those questions and about that other question you ask which

[23:46] Pharmacy in Guatemala City should you go to there are dozens of them try any big pharmacy? They'll have most all the usual suspects in generic form. All right now an email from longtime listener Mickey He says Johnny. I'd like to give you my two cents worth about Mexico since you bring it up once in a while My mother-in-law is from Mexico and her parents came to the country the US Legally her family lives in Texas and they hate illegals. She says they're like a stain in your underwear She says illegal Mexicans spit in the face of everyone who follows the legal process The other thing Johnny is my mother-in-law and the whole family Love America. They loved it from the start and still love it That's one of the reasons why they came here and they don't want any people Latinos or otherwise

[24:33] Who express hatred towards America living in the country that makes her and the family angry? In fact, I've seen my mother-in-law get more angry about people holding up anti-american signs at protests on the streets, etc I've seen her get way more angry than the actual born in America American, by the way, Johnny I went back to Mexico in 2010 to visit my wife's family. I Was in my mid-20s and six weeks is how long it took for my family to get me out of a Mexican jail But really Johnny all it takes is going into a lawyer's office and whipping out some cash But we didn't have it that much at the time So I don't understand why some Americans want to move to Mexico. I don't want to live in Mexico

[25:20] Nope, I don't even like visiting there Mexico though will welcome your dollars with open arms including the cops who run the Mexican jails That's why Johnny when I hear you read emails from people who have a plan B in Mexico I just shake my head and think what the hell's wrong with those people didn't they do their homework signed longtime listener first-time writer Mickey D and finally this email from Sammy G from Chicago. He says Johnny. How much is parking in Latin America? I live in Chicago and it's absolutely out of hand. In fact parking downtown Chicago near Wrigley Field to watch a Cubs game It's about a hundred and twenty dollars or more. He says yeah, Johnny. I used to be a car lover myself But call me a robo taxi, please Sign Sammy G on the countdown to my plan B

[26:07] Alright, thanks for that Sammy G asked your question. What are parking fees like here in Latin America? Well, normally even in the big city. I've never seen it much over a buck an hour But I guess in an exclusive high-end residential Ritzy Titzy districts You could be paying two or even 250 an hour, but that's really quite rare again I'd say about a buck an hour as usual in a busy business district in any big town Though there are lots of big malls and commercial centers That'll give you a free parking at least for maybe the first hour or two New malls have nice underground parking and lots of big commercial centers here in Latin America have free parking all the time But more and more they're setting up those automatic gates, but here's what always gets me You know, you set up an automatic gate so you don't have to have manual labor, right? Someone's standing around

[26:54] Making change and giving you a ticket slip, etc Funny thing is since maintenance is a dirty word down here Seems like those automatic parking gates and ticket validating machines don't last or stay working very long So it's really not unusual at all to pull up to one of those automatic ticket gates and see there's a parking attendant standing there Lifting the gate up and down validating your ticket, etc In other words these parking garages by expensive machines So they don't have to hire slugs to sit and take tickets, etc Then after a few months because of faulty maintenance they end up hiring a parking lot slug after all Only in Latin America You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult

[27:42] Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com. No spamos