#1159 – The Expat Files: Life in Latin America, Expats, and More

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right, 4th of July is over. Do you have a good time? You know lots of people down here in Latin America I'm talking about gringles and expats. Of course celebrate the 4th of July Why you might ask since we all voted with our feet and got the hell out of dodge

[00:45] Well, I guess most of us the unwoke ones anyway are celebrating what America used to be like What we knew it as when we were kids, but I'll tell you man most of us weren't woke We still love that country or what it used to be but we hate our government and to most I'd say 99.9% of all gringles and expats. It's still our country why because we have either US passports or Canadian Yep, lots of Canadian listeners to this show lots of Europeans Australians, too Now once again at the risk of repeating myself I have to warn you that there are lots of woke gringles and expats who come down here But you rarely meet them off the gringo tourist trail on the trail. There are heavy concentrations of them So look out if you plan to live on or near the tourist trail many of them

[01:33] It seems exhibiting their toxic woke ism on fake book twaddle and various blog sites and most of them surprised surprised Our ex-government workers ex-government contractors and ex-school teachers Funny thing too as far as school teachers you rarely meet a school teacher down here That didn't work for a government school because you know the private school teachers don't get paid half as much as they do So when they retire or new retirement, they can't afford to pick up and leave Like those public school teachers who've got twice the pension not fair, but life ain't fair But not all government workers are woke. There is a very large contingent of government workers Absolutely the opposite and wouldn't you know it? They're almost exclusively guys and gals who serve in the armed forces Hmm, why do you think that is how'd that happen? Do they know something other government workers don't know?

[02:22] Maybe by the way There's one thing I forgot to mention on a previous show when I was talking about how so many Latin American narcos and crooked politicians are buying up Miami You have to wonder how did they get their dirty money out of the country without raising lots of red flags? Obviously the banks in my jammy are in on it or they're looking the other way a lot. I Mean, look, how do you justify a million dollar or multi-million dollar wire transfer? Coming out of Panama or Colombia just to buy a piece of property in Miami Beach a Lot of times to sight unseen. They're buying my jammy properties without even a walkthrough Well speaking with one former Miami realtor who's living down here in Latin America now He says they used to bring suitcases of cash into his office But he said that was in the 80s and 90s

[03:08] Before all that fucked up and I mean it is fucked up know your customer bullshit Which makes life infinitely more difficult for normal people like you and me That assumes of course that we are normal. Whatever that is Meanwhile even with the banks know your customers a dirtbag law those million dollar my jammy properties keep getting snapped up So in reality even though the banks know their customers are narcos crooked politicians and other dirtbags Hell all they got to do is look it up on the web or check out the board of directors on the company That's right in the check. Never mind that the dirtbags get around the loopholes Well, it adversely affects normal people just trying to do things legally But you knew that already and probably have been caught up in it, too Just trying to take a couple of grand out of your bank account in cash

[03:57] They'll ask a lot of questions. You might not get it for a day or two besides that behind your back They'll write you up as a suspicious transaction You'll be on a government shit list and you won't even know it Anyway, a couple of months ago. I was talking to a real estate broker who Specializes in the area of Punta Cana in Dominican Republic. You may have been there yourself That's a big-time tourist and resort area. There's got to be a hundred different all-inclusive hotels on the beach Some of them like their own little cities. I'm not kidding you about that Anyway, this lady who'd been in the business for 20 or so years She said in the old days in the 90s through about 2005 or 10 She said Russian and Ukrainian guys would arrive with suitcases full of cash to buy properties

[04:44] She said she had many personal stories where a couple of guys walked into their real estate office Unclosing day not with a check but with a couple of boxes full of cash She said it made the whole office kind of nervous can't do that anymore But that did happen a lot in the old days. She said that's right. She called 2005 2010 the old days By the way, as far as a plan B for gringles and expats in the area of Punta Cana Dominican Republic I wouldn't recommend it. It's total tourism and expensive though a Fantastic place to visit for a week or two because you can get an all-inclusive hotel for something like a hundred and thirty to 170 bucks a night for two that's double occupancy in the offseason But forget about Easter and Christmas that's considered the high season and rates double

[05:33] So it boils down to this is fantastic We stayed in an all-inclusive resort because everything is covered though As soon as you take a walk off the property into the little towns and body was around there It's first world prices all the way more than first world prices. In fact, if you take a cab Yeah, they have ubers, but mostly taxis. They have a number of different uber like services too, but if You come down as a tourist. You'll never know that By the way in every Latin American country that has uber they've got some heavy competition with uber like services that you'll never know about unless you visit and ask around and Practically all of them are cheaper than taxis and ubers However, it's almost always the case to unless you pay the crappier the ride Most people by the way have the uber app for up in the states down here It's in Spanish. Anyway, if you land at the Punta Cana Airport and you take a taxi most people do that

[06:21] They're three to four times as expensive as taking the same kind of ride if you're in the big capital city of Santo Domingo Which is about three or three and a half hours away by car now That's a place I recommend for gringos and expats Santo Domingo There are hardly any gringos and expats there at all. That's if you're like city living in I don't get it It's really cool. It's got everything except gringos and expats Of course, there are a few gringos and expats here and there But it's one of those places you can be deep in the big city walk around all day and never see another one Now you might think that's rather odd because so many people visit the DR for the beaches Yet you could walk around all day in the biggest city Santo Domingo with over 4 million people and not see a single gringo How do you explain that? It's as if the DR has two cultures living in it

[07:11] Separated geographically by about a three and a half hour drive That's two cultures a regular normal workaday latin culture and a tourism culture So ninety nine point nine percent of all tourists instead of flying into the airport in Santo Domingo Which is maybe about a half hour from the big city They choose to fly into the airport at Punta Cana Which is only ten or fifteen minutes from their hotel their resort you get it people are flying in to go to those beautiful Beach resorts and if you fly into the Santo Domingo Airport, it's a three and a half hour drive away Who's gonna do that? So if you're working on your plan B and you like city life It wouldn't hurt to check out Santo Domingo though It's very hot though for all you gringos and expats who want to live out in the boonies

[07:56] Homestead whatever or live closer to or in a small town or village the DR would not be my first choice Which begs the question? Why would you even want to leave an all-inclusive resort? Go out to the neighborhood shopping malls and restaurants, which are first world expensive or more When everything and I mean everything is covered at your all-inclusive joint Search me, but I've noticed a lot of expensive restaurants water parks and events on the adjacent roads going into the small towns and villages nearby Believe it or not. They've even got a permanent or semi-permanent anyway Cirque du Soleil just like in Vegas You know with all the big colorful circus tents and all those acrobats and performers Yeah, they got the entire Cirque du Soleil company set up just 10 minutes from the putacana resorts

[08:43] And to get in that'll cost you at least 50 bucks a head, right? That should give you an idea of how commercial lives that place has become Personally, not my style. So it's definitely not the locals going to those places. It's the people staying at the resorts They're the only ones who could afford to drop that kind of dough In fact, they've got restaurants around there that if you're out with your wife or husband or a significant other on a date It could cost you 150 to 200 bucks easy. You might be alright with that But I'm not not when three or four hours away You could go to a really nice restaurant in Santo Domingo and pay 50 bucks for a really nice couples dinner Though I don't know if those numbers are quite right these days I haven't been there in a while who knows with inflation on fire everywhere in the world now It's not so easy to pin down those cost of living numbers like we used to do

[09:32] Meanwhile, you've got dr. Falsy in those bureaucratic NIH and who ass wipes Who've never done any real research in their lives that wasn't supported by big pharma, you know how that turns out? Wouldn't you know what? They're whipping up another frenzy with this monkey pox thing If you ask me, it's a simple case of monkey shaming. Think about it Don't monkey lives matter too, especially if you're woke. Hey, hey, we're the monkeys What would Mickey Dolan say now suppose you wake up one morning and you believe in your heart that you're a monkey Which begs the question what are the proper monkey pronouns and where's a good dependable clinic to get monkey hormones and monkey transition surgery? Hmm. I think I'll check on the net to see who Biden and his cabinet members use by the way

[10:17] The science shows that monkey pox spreads mostly through skin-to-skin contact at places like rave parties and orgies Well, you can call me old-fashioned you can call me a prude But I think if you invite a monkey to your orgy and you get the pox, I can't feel sorry for you But I digress as usual. Let's dig into the email pile This one comes from mr. K. He says Johnny We're talking about the intensity of the Sun in Latin America and using sunscreen on a previous show and how it causes skin cancer and lots of people Then he sends me a link. He says Johnny you wouldn't believe it I found the following snippet on a telegram group supposedly written by a physician What he says is the same that you said on your podcast about the Sun and Sun screens But the interesting part are the two last lines as he says that people in

[11:07] Submarines have a higher skin cancer rate than people on regular warships Should be just the opposite because it's the sailors on deck getting all that Sun Then he says even though this may suggest that skin cancer may have other causes besides the Sun There can be multiple reasons for it perhaps low vitamin D artificial light in submarines stress excessive sun bathing afterwards and getting burnt when they Surface after being underwater for weeks even months at a time Who knows but I thought you might find that interesting then he says Johnny. I finally did it I moved down to Guatemala permanently After coming back and forth a few times to check it out for me. It's been about a six-year process Alright me Johnny here. You see sometimes it takes people that long to get their ducks in a row so they can leave permanently

[12:00] Then he says Johnny as for haggling with the locals Here's my experience coming from a newbie The funny thing is that we found out that lots of sellers really do want to haggle with you when I say me It's me and my girlfriend who also came down and even more important over time you get better Understanding of their answers when you're haggling you do get some valuable information you get better and better at it There are some sellers though that really try to rip you off and don't change the price when it's obvious that it's too high He says for example the other day. We're looking for leeches By the way leeches are a red-colored tropical fruit with little barbs sticking out of them about the size of a small egg You crack them open the center falls out and you suck on that like a big lemon drop a really big lemon drop Anyway, he says I asked about the price of leeches from the seller. She didn't respond right away

[12:49] She was thinking of it, but I noticed the local had just bought a bag from her for about 75 cents Then she blurted out her price a dollar and a quarter in the local money Get Salas and she wouldn't budge even though the guy before me paid a lot less and when I started to haggle I said 75 cents. She preferred to let us walk. She wouldn't budge However, just today our favorite pina seller. That's pineapple treated us fair as usual He always charges us the very same price as he charges the locals as I've seen him do a number of times with my own eyes He said today at the market I tried to haggle a little more after hearing your inspirational podcast and well about 10% lower in price was about the best I could get Then he says there are little tricks that you learn though

[13:35] We found out if you visit the Antigua Guatemala market on the market day Monday Thursday or Saturday and go to the open space In the back you usually get the best deals and oftentimes especially veggies are so cheap that I feel awkward Haggling about them. All right me Johnny here, you know, mr. K says today that'd be a couple days ago now 10% was the best he could haggle people down at the market. Well, my response is yes You will get better at it. Mr. K and it's always the case the more Spanish you know The lower your cost of living it'll help you in so many other ways, too The only place it won't help is when you're dealing with the cops when you get pulled over if you know hablo espanol You'll have the advantage if you don't speak Spanish or pretend you don't speak Spanish

[14:21] Especially when you're south of south of the border South of Mexico because you know in Mexico with the cops know enough English to extort from you You see south of Mexico the cops know almost no English That means when you're telling me you don't know any Spanish no hablo espanol They're more than likely to wave you right on by it's happened to me a number of times Yeah, I know I speak Spanish. Well enough anyway, maybe 80% But still when I get pulled over by the cops my fallback default position is no hablo espanol Actually, it's more gringo wise. I say no hablo Spanish. It's gotten me out of so many jams Though one time when I was in Panama. I got pulled over and the cop whipped out his Google Translate app Tell you the truth. I was surprised. He had internet service on his phone You know anybody can get Wi-Fi. It's free wherever you go, but when you're on the highway, there's no Wi-Fi, right?

[15:12] That means the guy had to have some kind of phone and data plan which by the way I'd say at least 50% of Latinos don't even have or have just intermittently when they can afford it They just rely on Wi-Fi at home or wherever they go because you have to keep on recharging a phone if you're gonna use regular phone service Which the average Latino will do but when the time runs out because you buy it for one two three five days or whatever They just use the Wi-Fi connection at home or elsewhere depending on the money situation They may wait a day or two or three before they recharge their regular plan Of course all upper middle class and upscale Latinos have a permanent phone plan But that's less than 10% of the adult population Now if you don't have a fixed plan fixed plan meaning signing a contract with the phone or internet company

[15:57] Which means you have to give up all your debts unless you have someone else do it for you a local If you do like me and many other expats to and the middle and lower classes here It's the pay-as-you-go plan like for example five by seven days of internet with eight gigs download It costs three or four bucks. That means around 16 to 20 bucks a month What I do is load maybe 20 bucks at a time and they're funny money into the phone and when the time runs out and the Phone sends me a little message. I just recharge it right there But most Latinos I've seen them do this at the stores where you charge your phone They buy a day or a couple of days worth for two or three bucks They're not loading up their phones with credit though They could they just don't have the dough to do that not when the average person makes three to four hundred bucks a month And believe me Latinos are feeling the squeeze of this inflation push, too

[16:44] I've noticed it myself at all the markets Now I mentioned this phone and internet bit because mr. K and his email talks about almost anonymous internet in Guatemala He says Johnny whereas both big providers in Guatemala the two big services want your travel passport and a credit card There is a new player in town called Inova. I am an OBA They use fiber optics and promise a much more stable and faster connection But they're almost double the price of Tigo and Claro the other two services without any TV or such extras included But they only wanted my name and my passport number which can be accidentally misspelled and misnumbered And of course because it's a contract service You'll have to give your address for obvious reasons because they'll install a wired modem in your house

[17:29] But you could pay at one of the local banks with cash So as contract services go it's as anonymous as it can be All right me Johnny here Yeah, you know some people need to have that contract service if they want a wired internet into their home Of course, you could always buy one of those little modem boxes. You may have seen those things They're no bigger than a pack of cigarettes and have their own Internal battery supply if you're not plugged in to a USB outlet. I've seen a lot of taxi and uber drivers use those things Why do you think that it is? Well, then they don't have to buy internet service fixed service for their house And while in the car too because you could just slip that thing in your pocket or put it on your dashboard and have internet service anywhere Including your house a while back I was using one of those things in fact for a couple of years and since their mobile device is not

[18:17] Installed in your house. You can give any address you want and you can send your cleaning lady or maintenance guy out to buy it For you that way it's in their name and not yours Same thing with regular cell phone service if you really want to be anonymous Just ask your cleaning lady or maintenance guy. They'll gladly sign you up for the service using their Sedula By the way, if you think that's an abuse of power, I found out they never balk They're glad to help you out. In fact, no one's on the hook if the bill doesn't get paid. They just shut off the service So it's no skin off their backs. They're just helping out their employer now mr. G is a man after my own heart He's a gun owner and he's got this to say about concealed carrying shooting clubs And well everything that goes along with having guns in Guatemala in this case He says I know that lots of expats are into having guns

[19:03] So I found a great shooting range just outside of Antigua near, Santa Lucia well, if you have your own gun you pay ten bucks to get in and You can buy a box of fifty nine millimeter bullets for around thirty bucks About a third higher than the states where it costs about eighteen to twenty bucks for a box of fifty Then he says Johnny for your listeners It might be interesting to note that owning a weapon in Guatemala is quite easy You just get residency and then get up to three guns rifles shotguns Whatever then you have 72 hours to transport them home to their permanent destination Because you see without a concealed carry license You need always to have permission to move the guns and you're given 72 hours to do that. He says for me This is almost paradise

[19:51] Hmm, let's see me Johnny here again. Let me guess he must be from Canada or maybe Australia Though he never said good day Johnny. So I guess that narrows it down. He says Johnny I prefer to have more than one gun. I know it's probably more than I could use but I hope it never use them at all It's just nice to know you have the option Then he says as far as getting a concealed carry license permit There is an option for that too. You have to take a test in writing I assume it's in Spanish and then there's an oral test and a practical shooting test at 12 meters I got all the materials from my teacher. Yes, I'm taking classes and currently I'm working through it So hopefully in around four weeks, we should get a residency done and then head over to the gun store

[20:39] Then he asks Johnny you have any recommendations which handgun and caliber I should get our teacher likes a SIG Sauer 320 the most and a Glock 19 next and a friend of mine Recommends a heckler cock handgun or the Walter brand and I'm stuck. I don't know Hmm. All right, mr. K. Here's my opinion. I Personally like to have three guns at home a cheap 12 gauge pump like a Mossberg I'm guessing at the gunster that around three to five hundred bucks depending what Latin country you're in Now there are certain Latin American countries that don't allow guns at all. And if they do they're so restrictive You have to jump through so many hoops. You'll just never get one For example Cuba Nicaragua and Venezuela and why would they they're run by dictators dictators? Don't like the public heaven guns

[21:25] But that's also true of Mexico and Colombia Two more very good reasons why I don't recommend them as plan B destinations Isn't it funny the two free Latin American countries ones that don't have dictators with the largest drug production stats and Organized gang members and narcos don't allow their citizens and residents to have a gun for home protection Colombia and Mexico But hey you North Americans are you reading the tea leaves very strict gun laws If not, the total outlawing of guns is coming to a city near you You know what they say that you get the government you deserve and you voted for those dickheads Meanwhile all those congressmen who take your gun rights away. They have their own armed bodyguards Don't they? Anyway, if you're not a gun nut, you just want guns for home protection like me

[22:12] In other words going to the shooting club or shooting gallery. It's not your past time. It's not your hobby You know, you just want to have a little insurance policy around the house. You get a cheap 12 gauge pump shotgun You don't get a semi-auto. Not only are they twice as expensive I had a Remington semi-auto back in the states for duck hunting. It jammed on me a couple time Well, those pump action shotguns will not jam not to mention they've got that cliche Cinematic sound when you pump up And when bad guys hear that they know what's coming next The second gun I recommend for protection around the house again if it's not a hobby and you don't go out to the shooting range is a revolver like a 357 Taurus a cheap gun from Brazil. But man, does it pack a punch that is if it's a 357

[22:58] Revolvers are cheap and they never jam. I'm like a glock six-hour Brad and the other semi-auto guns Mr. K mentions in his email and those name brands coming from Germany or Austria that mr K mentions will cost you well over a grand twice What they'd cost up in the states. We're talking a thousand bucks or more But why a 357? It's one of the most powerful rounds out there. They're so loud. You just shoot it once. It's deafening Even your average rat while or a pitbull will cower and slink into its cage That's what you're trying to do Of course scare the would-be bad guys away the sound of the pop pop from a 32 caliber might not but the sound of a 357 that'll scare anyone The other thing is you really should train up your wife for a significant other to be able to use guns Especially a shotgun. They're so easy to use. You practically don't need any training at all

[23:48] It's the best multi-purpose home protection gun. You don't have to be accurate at all You just point it in the general direction the third gun I recommend if you're not a sportsman is pretty much optional You don't want one unless you've got plenty of space to shoot it I'm talking about a rifle that shoots 22 long rounds expat Eddie's from Texas You know and he calls a 22 long rifle a varmint gun Anyway, the 22 caliber rounds are much less than half the price of the larger 9 millimeter slugs That most handguns use like a Glock or a six-hour by the way Those expensive brand-name guns out of Europe like the Walter that mr. K talks about you know The Walter was James Bond's a gun of choice and Hitler had one on him at all times, too Did you know that anyway plunking away with a 22 caliber rifle is the cheapest way to practice?

[24:37] And if you're really into economy, you could even load it up with 22 short rounds just for target practice They're even cheaper than the 22 longs though. It's not for indoor apartment or city living. That's for sure It's for target practice shooting at cans, etc But you have to have a big yard of course out in the boonies where there are not many neighbors around So unless you're on a decent plot of land, you won't have a chance to plunk around with it Now the odd thing is in many Latin countries, Guatemala included. You can't buy a scope for your rifle. They're illegal How about that? But oddly enough if you order one from Amazon and I ordered a cheap one 25 bucks it came through just fine Hmm. How'd that happen? All I know is that because they're illegal. You can't buy them in any gun store here in Latin America Anyway, so then you might wonder who's minding the store who's checking? Well, no one this is Latin American

[25:25] You know and since guns are twice as expensive here in Latin America than they are up in the States You put two and two together and you realize governments make a hell of a lot of money legally By taxing firearms at a hundred percent or more They'll do the same to you if you've got your own guns up in the States and try to ship them down Which is generally not worth it because I've heard cases where guns have been stuck in customs for over six months The hoops you have to jump through in the red tape. You have to deal with this horrendous I wouldn't recommend it. And finally an email from one of our love Lauren listeners Hank He says Johnny I'd like to present to you and your listeners a stark case of Latin American gender inequality He says I've been going on those Latin Cupid dating sites and get this

[26:10] He says guys men males have to pay a monthly fee to stay on the thing Oh, you can get on them. All right for free But if you want to actually contact the girls, you know Write text messages back and forth and such as soon as you try to do that You get a pop-up window that says sorry This is a premium paid service to sign up for premium service. You have to pay $5.99 a month So I did and I found out through communicating with the ladies. They don't have to pay a cent. How is that possible? Why aren't the feminists all over this sign Hank? PS love the show Johnny and I haven't hooked up with any Latinas yet. Just testing the waters for my future plan B I'm in Minnesota Alright Hank. Thanks for that And it doesn't surprise me because you'll find when you get down here to Latin America The feminist movement is very small and most Latinas don't call themselves feminists things like equal pay and glass ceilings are not issues down

[27:01] You're not yet They've got much bigger fish to fry like spousal abuse and general physical abuse of women Sort of an epidemic down here because so many Latin ladies and you'll hear this all the time Especially from emergency room doctors get beaten up by their husbands and boyfriends bottom line like most things here in Latin America There's lag time Feminism is about 30 years behind what it is up in the States and the rest of the first world Which to us means they haven't gone off the deep end yet In other words, you better not ask a Latina to split the check on a date. That'd be the kiss of death You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at Gmail dot com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America

[27:50] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at Gmail dot com Nos vamos