#1395 – Episode 1395: Car Accidents, Immigration Scams, and Expat Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Speaking of expats and gringos down here in Latin America getting into car accidents Yeah, if you drive long enough, you're gonna get in a car accident Now it can end up being a completely different result when a Latin American driver

[00:45] Gets in a car accident with another Latin American driver Versus when a gringo driver gets into a car accident with a Latino driver Obviously when you and I get into a car accident, we do things the first world away It's the only way we know first world laws say we have to do things a certain way We stop take a few breaths think about what just happened Generally get out of the car assess the situation Exchange information and insurance company data call the insurance company, etc Take a photo of the damage and the other guys plates and let the insurance company and the cops who will eventually show up take it From there unless of course, it's a tiny little fender bender and no one seems to be damaged then maybe there's a few soft Accusations thrown back and forth maybe not or maybe even some apologies or to school puffs as they say in Spanish

[01:37] That's the first world North American way However, the situation could come off much differently if it's a couple of Latinos getting into an accident I'm talking about down here in Latin America, of course Matter of fact about a half an hour before I sat down to do this show I saw a doozy of an accident happened right in front of me. I was driving down a busy two-way residential road nice neighborhood But an old old neighborhood where roads are tight because back in the old days when there were no cars They built this area and the roads were basically built to accommodate horses. So anyway, I'm driving down the main track It's pretty much bumper to bumper traffic, but it's moving I'm on the main street the right-of-way and all the other intersecting streets have stop sign and The guys that pull up to these stop signs want to either get on the road

[02:23] I'm traveling on or pass on through and to do that They have to find an opening between that bumper to bumper traffic. I was telling you about Not so easy. You got to be kind of aggressive. Anyway, right in front of me There was a guy in a brand new Kia SUV a Latino guy He's waiting at the stop sign right up ahead He's at the stop sign trying to make his way across finds an opening guns it a bit when it looks clear Meanwhile a beat-up old piece of shit taxi going the other way thinks he could make it through that opening to and BAM the new Kia broadsides the taxi now this is happening about 20 feet in front of me So I hit the brakes I have to stop because the intersection is blocked with two crashed cars For me and everyone behind me. There's nowhere to go

[03:11] So I'm waiting to see what will happen which one of these guys is gonna get out of way first to let the other traffic through Well, it was kind of a stalemate. They both rolled their windows down and started yelling at each other But neither of them moved still stopped blocking all traffic calling each other idiots and morons using Spanish expletives Now here's the thing the taxi driver was broadsided on the driver's side His door was punched in had a deep crease in it the new Kia SUV Well, you know the front ends and bumpers on all cars these days are pretty fragile So he's looking at some big-time damage I'm guessing maybe five or six hundred bucks worth of work down here That'd be probably fifteen hundred to two thousand up in the States Anyway after they yelled and bitched at each other for a while and all the traffic piling up was starting to beep their

[03:59] Horns, you know don't just sit there get the hell out of the way and let us get through Finally after a minute or two, remember none of these guys got out of their cars They're just bitching at each other through open windows. Well, wouldn't you know it? The SUV backed up a little bit allowing the taxi to just take off and go on his merry way deeply creased door and all and the guy in the SUV just shook his head made some sharp gestures of his hands and started driving along to He continued on his merry or not so merry way Then I turned to the girl that was sitting next to me in my car. I said, did you see that what the hell happened there? That guy in the SUV just gave that idiot taxi driver a free pass She said oh, that's easy to explain the guy with the new car realized that shitbox taxi

[04:48] He plowed into the taxi was certainly not insured and the driver he looked like he didn't have a pot to pee in She said obviously it was the taxis fault those guys break every rule in the book run every stop sign red light Illegal turns all the time. Nothing's illegal to them In other words, she said there was no way the driver of that nice car was ever gonna get satisfaction out of this guy Even though witnesses could prove it was the taxi driver's fault And if he did stop and try to do it the right way and the taxi driver stopped to it would just be Wasted four hours because the cops would eventually come there'd be paperwork to fill out The insurance rep for the guy with the SUV would show up and there'd be no guy showing up for the taxi driver Because he certainly wasn't insured Drivers of shitbox cars and motorcycles here in Latin America do not have insurance coverage

[05:36] They're supposed to buy law, but they don't though people with decent cars almost always have coverage And here's the problem the guy with the new key has certainly had insurance coverage with the usual 500 to a thousand dollar deductible So he decided to save himself three or four hours of grief and write it off the bad luck He figured the cost of repair would be about the cost of his deductible So why bother and you know what if it's a simple fender bender and a cop comes by he doesn't care to get involved If you can settle it yourself like they did Basically the cops will only get involved if you insist or if someone's hurt and has to go to the hospital By the way when it comes to witnesses nobody ever sticks around though these days since everyone has a camera on the cell phone once in a while a guy will capture it, but still it's not likely and

[06:26] Get this if you go to court It'll be your word against the taxi driver and even though the judge knows that it's almost always the taxi or the shitbox Who's at fault Latin American judges often take the side of the guy with the shitbox? Not the guy with the resources to have a nice car. It's the old populism thing So just remember that when you blast into a shitbox that's got 700 dents in it you drive along enough down here It will happen to you. Oh And heaven help you if you get into a battle with a chicken bus I know a few gringo expats who've had that happen to him I mean really look at any chicken bus that's been out on the road more than six months It's got 700 dents in it all those war wounds are from cars with drivers like you and me You'd think that's because everyone else was a shit driver fact is I'd say most chicken bus drivers have a drinking problem not good, huh?

[07:16] That means you always always always always give them the right away. No matter how many transit laws they're breaking Please give them the right away. You never want to get into a pissing contest where the chicken bus All right moving on here's something that really irks me because it goes on said yet. It's such a huge deal That's why I'm bringing it up now I just might be the first one to bring it up on a podcast Isn't it true that every day up in the first world news you hear about the border problems the millions of illegal aliens that are flooded into the United States Haitians eating your dogs and cats the sanctuary cities the free cell phones the free debit cards The free food medical dental whilst there are so many millions of regular Americans just scraping by trying to honestly make ends meet

[08:01] Not to mention those killer Venezuelan gangs that have infiltrated the sanctuary cities taking charge of whole apartment complexes We've been hearing that mantra over and over again for months if not years now, and it is all true even worse But there's one thing they're just not talking about I never hear this come up in the media or in the news yet every time I'm sitting down at an event Or a quinceaños party a Latin American get-together of some kind the subject of arranged paid-for Marriages to American citizens always seems to come up. I Just don't get why there are no first world news services all over this Because there are so many people doing it. It's a scam all right, but it absolutely works

[08:47] It's an amazing way for an unqualified unskilled Latino here in Latin America Who otherwise would have no chance at all of getting into the states legally to get legal permanent residency in the US? Leading to citizenship. Yep You just find a guy or gal in the states online or through a friend of a friend you get married And that's it though You have to be properly coached to fool the immigration authorities and believe me. They are so easily fooled It's a 100% scam all right, but Latinos are chomping at the bit to get in on it because it works Hundreds of thousands have done it so what the hell am I talking about paid arranged marriages man? I can't tell you how many Latinos I know here in Latin America who have sisters brothers aunts and uncles who are legal residents in the United States only

[09:34] Because they paid someone in the states generally from five to twenty thousand dollars to get married to them now if you go on the US immigration websites And look up the rules on how to become legal in the United States how to get your residency Which then leads to a passport you'll find one of the ways to do that is to marry an American The fact is that according to Pew Research. There are more than 25 million Foreign-born Latinos who are now naturalized US citizens and some of them a lot of them Offer themselves up as pay-to-play wives and husbands for Latin Americans who absolutely Want to get into the US legally sure it's a scam in the US immigration service knows about it But they can't do a damn thing because their rules are easy to flaunt

[10:21] They're so easy to get around so then how does it done easy? You just ask any Latin American who's a naturalized US citizen if he knows anyone Who will agree to an arranged marriage and if you're a Latino in Latin America and want to make that deal? Your phone or your what's up will start ringing off the hook why because it's an instant source Guaranteed cash from five to twenty thousand bucks for the Latino naturalized US citizen up in the states who wants to make that deal For example imagine some guy gal up in Guatemala Honduras Whatever wants to get to the United States legally again a hundred percent legally They get hooked up through a friend of a friend or a family member to someone up the states who's willing to do the deal They start corresponding on what's up

[11:08] They send photos back and forth to each other message each other with lovey-dovey things Keep up the pretext for six months or so sometimes the guy up in the states, and it's usually a guy The legal Latino citizen will fly down to have a little FaceTime with the girl he's supposed to marry because you see they're building up a nice Backstory a nice file to show US Embassy and immigration officials when applying for her visa to go to the states to get married By the way for the latin non-girl citizen to get married. Let's use a latin girl here She could have them one to three interviews at the US Embassy in Honduras her home country where they'll question her about how she met this Guy his and his family's personal details, etc Believe me every Latino is coached on how to make that backstory work

[11:55] I've talked to Latinos who bent through this and almost all Latino ladies who put up the dough to get married Regret the experience entirely Why because once she's in the United States married to this guy She has to live with him for a while because US immigration says they're still on probation for some months You know to prove that it's not a scam Guess what the latinas say these guys who they've never met before It's all just a pay-for-play fraud They expect the dough the five to twenty thousand bucks and sex and guess what if you don't come through with the money Or you don't play along sexually the guy can nix it and get it deported Because you see the guy the American citizen in this case can go to immigration Say it's not working out and then her visas revoked and she gets deported

[12:42] So he or she and it's usually if she will be walking on eggshells sort of an indentured slave Because the guy has the power to void the deal pretty much any time within the first two years Are you getting this the question is why isn't anyone talking about this? Why isn't anyone reporting on this? I'd say every single Latin American family I know has at least one or two members in their extended family who are up in the States married to someone they never knew before Again because you get instant permanent residency when you marry an American citizen, isn't that cool? So then you might ask what about that five to twenty thousand dollars? You have to pay to the American resident on the other end to go through with the deal Well, it certainly sounds tough to come up with that kind of money Since the average Latin American salaries three or four hundred bucks a month. So then how is it done?

[13:29] How can they pay normally down here if someone had that kind of money on hand? They wouldn't want to leave they'd be living a good life down here Well, here's the thing the girl the Latina in question who wants to marry an American doesn't have to fork out a cent The way it works is once she's up in the States. She's married to the guy. She'll have to work That's part of the deal. She may get a shit job as a maid in a budget. Tell doesn't really matter She'll be handing all her dough over to the guy. She married till she pays her debt again The guys got her completely under his thumb. She's pretty much a slave to him till she's been in the country for two or three years Then she's no longer being eyed or scrutinized by US immigration You know because they do follow up on these things in the first year or two That's what they're supposed to do anyway, but we don't know cuz journalists aren't reporting on it now get this

[14:18] Turns out a girl in this situation after a couple years can divorce a guy and keep her residency and stay in the States That's almost always what happens to she sticks it out for two or three years Even if the guy is totally abusive In fact, it's basically a recipe for abuse and from what I can see knowing that most Latino families down here in Latin America have someone in that situation The whole thing seems to be a dirty little secret So basically we've got tens of thousands of Latinas living up in the United States with men They don't even like maybe even hate these marriages are complete fraud So none of them ever left, but just imagine the temptation of going that route. You don't need any money up front You don't have to speak English because your new husband up in the state always is Hispanic Obviously white bread Caucasian gringos have no part in a scheme like this

[15:04] So anyway, you don't need money up front and you're absolutely guaranteed legal residency. What's not to like about that? There's lots of temptation there. But again, I say why are there no news reports on this? Sure, there'll be the odd 2020 or 60 minutes report about mail-order brides from Russia or the Philippines But this scam is a complete different thing all together. It's pay-to-play The thing is I wouldn't bring it up if it was just a small very insignificant thing But like I said I run into this thing and hear people talking about it all the time and of course when sitting around talking about it Everyone has a story of abuse They talk about their sister or a cousin or a friend up in the states being physically or sexually abused By the new fake husband and nine out of ten people are women who pay to play yet it goes on and on

[15:51] No one seems to be deterred After all Latinos tell me it's a thousand times better than sneak it into the USA legal and possibly getting raped robbed sequestered or killed by coyotes or narcos on the way and if you're an illegal in the states You're always looking over your shoulder There's always that possibility of being picked up and deported So then why if there's so many tens if not hundreds of thousands of people involved in this pay-for-marriage scheme are there no News agencies big or small reporting on this man if I was an investigative reporter I could round up a dozen witnesses in no time I know a few Latino families who've got daughters and close relatives engaged in that scam Alright, let's take a couple of emails now the email stacks getting pretty high this one's for mr. D

[16:37] He says dear Johnny. I hope this email finds you well I'm pleased to inform you that I'm finally retired and eager to attend your next seminar Please keep me updated on the dates as I plan to extend my stay a few days to also Explore the local housing options by the way He says I'll be getting the updated version of your health care guide later today interestingly enough Despite retiring with a top-tier health care plan myself, which I pay a pretty penny for I've experienced some unexpected challenges for instance I scheduled an appointment with my audiologists for hearing aids in early October But the earliest available slot was in December two months later The funny thing is they were able to get me in quickly for the test not just for the appointment But to go over my different options

[17:23] That said this delay is largely due to my provider also serving the state Medicare and Medicaid programs Unfortunately, this has led to longer waiting times as the premium is thrown in the same bucket as everyone else He says Johnny. I'm not a snob, but I can't wait to get down to Latin America and experience that gringo advantage Which does lead me to a question How are the doctors down there for such things as hearing aids and other basic medical items are there long waits? Or is there a gringo advantage there, too? Inquiring minds want to know acquiring minds man. That's from the National Inquirer, right? Do they still publish that rag the Inquirer or do they just call it the New York Times now? Anyway, lastly, he says due to the recent feminist for B movement push in the States

[18:12] Due to Trump's election. I think both you Captain Mango k. Rico and many others may end up getting a tad more business Anyway, he says save me a seat at the seminar signed. Mr. D from the Socialist Republic of Montgomery County, Maryland By the way, if you don't know what the for B movement is It's a radical feminist movement. Here's what it stands for number one Never marry a man to never have children with men three no dating of any man for no sex with men I'm reading now from the definitions supplied from mr. D He says these four principles are aimed at protesting against systemic misogyny gender inequality and the patriarchal norms in society the movement advocates for women to opt out of traditional heterosexual

[19:02] relationships and the expectations associated with them Including marriage and motherhood all as a form of resistance against the societal roles men impose on women There's more but I won't read on because it's too sickening how stupid has this all become Well, mr. D, you know down here in Latin America is backward and retro has this might sound When you're sitting around with a bunch of Latin American ladies, I'm not talking about at a club or a disc or anything like that I'm talking about just had a regular get-together, you know Sunday brunch quinceaños party backyard barbecue When you hit on the subject of feminism, they associate that term not with latina ladies But with American ladies most seem to not even like the word at all and when they do say it

[19:51] They say it sarcastically with some disdain when they see a gringa tourist with a nose ring pink hair and armpit fuzz They might roll their eyes a bit and one might say under her breath Feminista I've been a witness to that many times Most latinas seem to detest the first world gringa Definition of feminists because you see down here in Latin America latinas like to be treated like ladies They like the doors open for them. They like you to buy them flowers once in a while. Oh my god How pandering they want you to carry the groceries into the house lift the heavy things that need to be moved around the house They want the guy to do the manly things like take out the garbage and clean out the garage They don't like their man in the kitchen or doing a laundry They like to dress up and look nice and smell nice everywhere. They go

[20:39] They like to play the traditional lady and mother roll around the house They like to get compliments and be told they're pretty sexy and smart etc And all that stuff seems to rub first world feminists the wrong way For instance, my brother up in Chicago told me that he was at a Thanksgiving turkey party One of the men there complimented a woman said she was brains and beauty And she went off on him in front of everyone She said so you're saying normally an attractive woman can't be smart that I'm the exception anyway She went into some stupid shit defensive mode just because the guy told her he thought she was smart. Hell What's a guy supposed to do? Well, I'll tell you what he can do get the hell out of dodge move to Latin America So how stupid has it all become? Anyway, mr. D as far as your question about doctors and such things as getting hearing aids and other basic medical items down here

[21:31] In Latin America, you will be pleasantly surprised when you find out they've got everything down here You have up in the states the medical facilities the private ones. Anyway our first rate They've got medical specialty clinics like for example clinics specific to audiology and all the specialties cardiology endocrinology Neurology, etc, etc. In fact just a couple of months ago. I was in a medical specialty building a tower Where there was an entire floor just filled with offices of gastroenterologists as far as waiting times with some docs You might have to wait a week or ten days to get an appointment with some docs and some docs right away But here's the thing You won't be spending 20 minutes with a nurse practitioner and three minutes with the doc down here in Latin America

[22:16] When you sit down with your doc you sit down with your doc Sometimes you'll end up in his office for a half an hour or more Face to face with your doctor the whole time Just like it used to be back in the good old days the 50s 60s and 70s back in the states down here in Latin America doctors don't pack in 20 30 or 40 patients a day But you know because this is the land of manana time I always tell gringos and expats when you're making an appointment Make sure it's the first one in the morning or the first one right after lunch Because Latino doctors can let their schedules get way out of whack Compounded of course by manana time the big tip here is you want to be the first one on the schedule Oh, and about my upcoming expat insider seminar haven't picked the exact dates yet, but we think it's gonna be late March

[23:02] So stay tuned. All right. How about this one from Darren? He says Johnny I've recently binged on all the available episodes of your podcast on Spotify. I've contemplated moving to Columbia I'm a small-town, Michigan boy who lived in New York City for 15 years and I can still Conjugate enough high school Spanish to scrape by and I know what it's like to live alone in a completely foreign land as well Luckily, he says I have a family in Medellin Family of a good friend from my New York days that I can hang with believe it or not the family of my longtime hairdresser Darren says I'm my first visit to Medellin in 2018 I stayed in one of her investment apartments in Pablo. He says I spent four Wonderful days in Medellin with my friend's nephew as our private bilingual tour guide and insider needless to say

[23:53] I fell in love with Colombia Medellin specifically in con el gente, which means with all the people I Thought to myself I could so live here. I must have said that to myself a few times. I could so live here Now I know Johnny you're probably rolling your eyes and thinking like four effing days and you think you can live there Well, I only stayed in New York City for three days as a 17 year old kid and I end up spending most of my adult life there Sometimes when it comes to such things when you know, you just know Anyway, he says that was in 2018 That was before I made a move back to my country roots in rural Michigan just to fight a long drawn-out divorce from my ex From there, he says insert four years of trying to make a boring ass life work out in the Midwest

[24:39] Yep, it's the sole surrendering capital of beige food and pharmacies He says Johnny if you're living in rural, Michigan if you don't have kids you have nothing to give your life up to So just like in another unhealthy marriage It's time once again to move on and start over this time to a place with much more flavor Then he says Johnny I'm just being honest here if you haven't figured it out already we play on the opposite team in all ways But we still agree on a good many things He says just like we all have different reasons for leaving and becoming expats. We have different needs to fill when we get there I've been doing my due diligence and have a trip booked in two weeks to Medellin and Cartagena to see which one is more viable for

[25:24] me He says Johnny I know from listening to you how you feel about gringo tourist traps But in order to find my own tribe, I have to stick in the city My goal is to bring value to the new place. I'll call home I'm not a rich gay just a hard-working lower middle-class guy from the Midwest with a few smarts and big balls I'll tell you Johnny with synchronicity hearing you talk about your couch surfing friend turned sushi magnet I have a very strong background in hospitality fine dining and especially Asian fusion myself I'd personally like to be a job creator. Maybe I'm just being naive, but the fire in my belly is telling me to go I'm 44 and don't want to spend the remainder of my prime years wishing I'd done something different He says if you want to talk about me in an episode

[26:11] I could keep talking as an appeal to listeners on different ends of the spectrum, but really I just need your worksheets Please send them they could be invaluable to me in my next phase of discovery as I plan to seek out attorneys For real estate, etc. I Want to use my time wisely in making this life-altering decision. So thanks sincerely Darren Michigan raised Manhattan refined Well, Darren, I get it I get it completely, you know, it sounds cliched, but I have a few good gay buddies In fact when I lived in Chicago, I lived right next door to a gay couple for 10 years We'd hang out at each other's houses all the time back when most professionals were deep in the closet So I get it. If you're gay, you really want to find your tribe right away

[26:58] So I do understand that not everybody's gonna go for that idea of mine that you really should think about living off the gringo tourist Trail or in the compo out in the countryside So I get it if you're gay, you're gonna want to live in the big city That's where you are gonna find your tribe So Darren all I can say is congratulations on getting your plan B going getting the hell out of Dodge By the way when Darren talks about those worksheets he asked me to send him He's talking about my expat country checklist and my expat questionnaire form You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com

[27:46] And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com. No spamos