#1526 – The Expat Files: Racial Dynamics, Legal Realities, and Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border Down Mexico way Hello all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller, and I've been living continuously here in Latin America for over 30 years And I'm here to give you the good the bad the ugly and the great from the gringo perspective Yep, I talk about the real-life experiences and the things nobody believes until you come down and see it for yourself You'll get it all here at expat plan B.com that includes my full show archives over 1500 shows So just relax and take a breath because here comes today's show Now I may be repeating myself here, maybe not I can never tell I've done so many shows I'm sure I repeat myself sometimes and often people ask me to repeat stuff, so you can't win anyway a couple of weeks

[00:52] ago, I was sitting down with a couple of expats and there was a Swedish guy a Brand new Swedish expat in the mix man You don't see many pure Swede expats down here in Latin America You don't even see many Swedish regular tourists So anyway shooting a breeze as expats do about why in the hell they got the hell out of Dodge Always a hot topic this Swedish guy said the last straw for him was getting robbed in broad daylight on the street in front Of his house and the robbers he said were not blonde blue-eyed native Swedes They had a certain non-scandinavian air to them and believe me this guy went overboard to make it sound nice So that no one would call him the r-word Racist you know and then expat Bob the ex corrupt Boston cop said to the guy we don't play that game here We call it like it is we don't have to sugarcoat things. We're down here in Latin America

[01:42] No one gives a shit. You'll find out Bob said find out what said the sweet down here You don't have to self-censor and furthermore compared to Europeans down here in Latin America Everybody seems racist at that the Swedish guy's face kind of crinkled then Bob continued for one He said just have a look when you see a really expensive car pull up with a rich Latino in it He says I'm talking about the Latino owner driving the car notice that in many if not most cases He'll be short and dark-skinned not by any means attractive or even gym rat attractive Then Bob added notice that his wife or mistress or girlfriend is almost always much more attractive than he is and with lighter skin

[02:27] Too isn't that funny? How'd that happen coincidence? Maybe uh-uh Bob said it's a pattern down here Short dark Latinos have a big desire to have tall lighter skinned kids Because with that not only do they get points amongst their friends the kid gets a leg up in life Well with that the Swedish guy scrunched his face again Seems he didn't much like what he was hearing or maybe didn't believe it In fact, he sort of tensed up and looked slowly to the left and right hoping it appeared that no Strangers were listening to the conversation Then I chimed in and said Bob serious that kind of stuff regularly happens down here Then I added my own story I said that the guitar player in one of my bands in Guatemala a rich kid his dad had a lot of money

[03:13] He specifically told me he was looking to marry a very white girl so that his kids would be light-colored and he did He married a light-skinned Mexican lady Some years ago my Costa Rican lawyer told me the exact same thing next thing I know he was dating a British lady. She was so light-skinned. She was almost translucent He ended up marrying her sadly She was not a sexier good-looking woman, but he got the taller lighter skinned kids that he always wanted Oh and a lawyer in Guatemala doubled down on it, too They both told me rather blatantly they wanted lighter taller kids Their reasoning was sound but blatantly unfair though since when has the world been fair? The facts of life here in Latin America are everywhere to be seen the world down here in Latin America favors

[03:59] Lighter-skinned people now where have we heard that before now if any of you guys and girls have black friends up in the states I had quite a few up in Chicago Especially since I played in bands and stuff and a lot of black guys up there in Chicago are great musicians Anyway, they'd tell me the same thing They were looking for lighter-skinned girlfriends and wives which not only gave them a status bump with their peers But the kids would be lighter skinned to and up in the states at least in Chicago Lighter-skinned opened more doors gave a kid a leg up at least when I was young in Chicago That was a general consensus among my black buddies though It was too later skinned kids could get bullied though that could be traced to jealousy and envy Oh and by the way up in Chicago lighter-skinned black ladies were often considered uppity by their darker

[04:46] Girlfriends and family and they were often bullied as well But as they moved into their late teens and 20s, they did have that leg up same thing goes for here in Latin America In fact, my Latina girlfriend of four years now, she has a bunch of nieces and nephews probably a dozen or more But there's one in particular a ten-year-old girl lighter skin than the rest and she has green eyes Which down here shows up been maybe one out of five hundred kids Because you see almost all Latin Americans have black or brown eyes and guess what because of that light skin and those eyes She's treated like the princess of the family anything She wants she gets the rest of the family fawn over her and don't think her other nephews and nieces Don't notice the preferential treatment. It's so obvious. In fact, I heard one of her aunts say to her dad

[05:35] You're gonna be in trouble mister when she hits 15 or 16 She's gonna have to beat off the guys with a stick You're gonna have to be a very vigilant dad and he knows that's true and he is truly worried All right now an email from Carla. She says Johnny I'm a 67 year old expat woman living alone in Panahache on Lake Atitlan in Guatemala She says don't ask me how I'm handling it living alone in Latin America. I get that question all the time. I'm sick of answering it She says that's my style I'm sort of an independent loner a mountain biker a rock climber into camping and hiking Just sort of the independent outdoor type which makes living around Lake Atitlan perfect for me That's my plug for living there. But here's my gripe I see many men of my age expat men who just don't take care of themselves

[06:25] And Johnny you talk about older guys hooking up with younger Latinas I'm an old gringa and when I see an older gringo man with a young Latina I think what does that young girl possibly see in that guy except for money? They can hardly communicate beyond anything superficial. He speaks no Spanish and she speaks no English on top of that He's almost always terribly out of shape and doesn't take care of himself And though young latinas are certainly obsessed with their own looks how and why would they accept an older guy? Who's let himself go yet? Most young latinas take meticulous care with their appearance So I'd say about every other gringo expat over 50 I pass on the street here has let himself go That's 50% and I'm being kind and the ones that are in shape by usually find there's a wife or a daughter in their orbit

[07:14] Cooking them nutritious food reminding them to take their meds getting them out and bout and getting them into an exercise routine Involving them in social activities, etc. Etc. She says I find single older lone gringos Really need a female helping hand Yeah, and as far as exercise. I have a gym membership in Panahachow She says and it's rare to see a boomer or older Gen X are there It seems to be a young person's game Younger people are much more health conscious than we were us boomers and older Gen Xers when we were that age That's a good thing for the folks coming up behind us boomers Doesn't matter if they go to the gym just to look good any excuse that'll work You just need to develop a pattern or a routine when you hit 50 or 60 or even more you'll still feel good

[08:02] Everything will work what I don't understand though is what I'm sitting with a bunch of gringos over 50 Speaking of what does and what doesn't work sometimes half of the group has had a joint replacement Knee ankle elbow hip shoulder. It seems to be Americans have come to accept that as normal Is that normal really is that what we all have to look forward to? Slicing the bones of your leg or shoulder and gluing in plastic and titanium. How is that normal? Seems like most older Americans look at joint replacement surgery as an inevitability like having a root canal or high blood pressure That said I heard you mentioned in a previous show that almost no native Latin Americans have joint replacements You're right yet. Very few older Latin Americans even use canes or walkers though

[08:51] I can see in a few years things will change since obesity is definitely on the rise here, too Anyhow, Johnny love the show on your new format and website look great signed Carla Alright Carla, thanks for that By the way, very shortly now when you go to my website expat plan B comm you'll be able to do a search on any topic and Everywhere that topic popped up in my 1500 plus shows you'll have it right there and at your fingertips So that's coming up soon We're working on it And how about this email from expat Pete in Panama when sitting around the beach club with my expat buddies here in Panama City? Pete says one of the irritating topics that often comes up Though not with me with the other guys is the topic of inheritance And who you're gonna leave your money and your property to when you die after all most of us expats living outside the u.s

[09:42] Our people of some means that's why we're down here in the first place We had to wear with all to get to hell out of dodge So naturally when we die we'll have family members and heirs Fighting over what they think is theirs and what they might get now as for me when those kinds of discussions pop up When it comes my turn to explain how my estates gonna be divided up Johnny, I always say pretty much the same thing I tell my expat buddies you're all wrong and the way you're thinking about this if you're trying to decide who it goes to And how much money to leave your heirs that just means you didn't spend your money right along the way Because the real key to success in that department is to leave this earth with not much of an S tag at all And for those misguided gringles and expats who feel they have to leave their kids and their grandkids well off

[10:31] Because you know, it's the right thing to do I always ask them if they consider themselves to be a success and they say sure I worked hard and life's been good to me That's why I'm living the good life here right now And when I asked them what kind of inheritance they got when their parents died almost to a person They say not much or maybe five or ten grand enough to buy a cheap car Nothing life-changing anyway, and then when you pause a minute and let that sink in it doesn't matter They still feel they have to set up their kids and grandkids who thought that plan up I wonder then he says under the only circumstances I think that's a fair thing to do Enrich the kids and grandkids is if the alternative is that when you die you die in test date and it goes to the state So given it all to you useless kids and grandkids might not be the wisest idea

[11:22] But letting it go to the state. That's a true tragedy There's nothing worse or more self-defeating then working hard building up a nest egg Dying in test date and having it go to those damn corrupt Lardasses in government and that can happen if you don't drop a proper last will and test him now If you're living down here in Latin America and still have assets up in the states You'll have to draw up a glass will and testament with a lawyer in the state where you have those assets and the will you have drawn Up there will not have any force of law on any of the assets you have in Latin America So you'll have to have one drawn up by a local lawyer wherever you're living in Latin America Oh and here's a little relevant boots on the ground story You might find informative and amusing a gringo friend of mine who I met at an event

[12:08] Put on by my radio station in Guatemala. He was an avid listener and used to call into my show all the time He was an older guy in his 70s from New York retired and had lived in Guatemala seven years The last five of those years he lived with his girlfriend who I also met a Latina girl Seemed to be a nice lady though. They never got married formally They were just living together Which is so very common here in Latin America people living together having kids calling each other husband and wife Yet, they never actually tied the knot legally. I'd say 75% or more of Couples here in Latin America with children are not legally married, but they'll always introduce themselves to people as husband and wife So you'll never really know unless you're in their house walking around the living room

[12:55] Then you'll know if they're truly legally married They'll be wedding photos in the living room married couples down here are super proud to display those things Even when it's just a couple of photos at the courthouse Actually down here. You don't go to the courthouse to get married you go to the registry So people who actually get married whether at a church or at the registry They will almost certainly display those photos in their living room Anyway, this older gringo guy who wasn't in the greatest physical shape in fact He had narcolepsy a few times had been with him at a bar or restaurant. He'd just not off while sitting at the table Right in the middle of a sentence elbow on the table resting his head on his chin He'd nod off in mid-sentence and be fast asleep very strange anyway after nine years in Guatemala

[13:40] He died quite suddenly and as far as I know he had no close relatives up in the States now I don't know if he was shipped back to the States or buried in Guatemala But the thing is a couple years later I ran into his old girlfriend the one he was living with we knew each other a bit Instead of discussing her old flame. His name was cliff. So I asked her what became of cliffs stuff I know he had a house and a car in his name. I had been to his house a nice house I had ridden in his car Anyway, she confirmed he had no kids up in the States or a close relative She said she wasn't in touch with anyone. He knew up in the States She said no one ever got a hold of her and that no one from the States ever came down to claim his house Or his car or anything for that matter turns out she was still living in his house

[14:27] Which was completely paid for in the title in his name She just continued to live there paying the monthly gas and electric bill as required was driving his car, too Which was also titled in his name She just go down every year and pay the license fee and renew the yearly basic insurance premium of a hundred and fifty bucks or So in his name She just had to produce the title at the bank and pay the bill The only thing she didn't have access to she said was his bank account. How could she they were in his name, etc But anyway, she planned on living in that house and driving that car in definite Until if in when someone showed up and told her she couldn't Obviously you would take a court order for her to get out So that's the state of things here in Latin America for gringos and expats who own property and don't have a will

[15:14] and even if they do have relatives up in the States kids or brothers and sisters if The gringo who dies here in Latin America does not have a will there's very little those relatives up in the states can do from there They'd have to come down hire a local lawyer and go through a long drawn out process that could take three to five years To resolve and multiple appearances in court and even so there'd be no guarantees And during that time if that deceased gringo had a house or car in his or her name With a live-in girlfriend or boyfriend could be years even never before he or she's evicted from that place As long as the outstanding bills continue to be paid case in point cliff and in a way I really couldn't hold it against his girlfriend to squat in that house and take the car She was his living girlfriend for five years bottom line though is he had that house titled in his name

[16:06] So there's no possible way she'd be able to sell it ever though chances are in that particular case. She could probably live there Indefinitely and maybe even when she gets into a new relationship pass it on to her kids Thanks to a sort of a gringo Santa Claus named cliff the guy who they never would have even met Alright switching gears slightly. Here's another interesting email from a guy named Barry Barry says Johnny. I'm a contractor who works for GE medical out of Milwaukee, Wisconsin We have cat scanners and medical equipment around the world Almost every hospital has some GE medical equipment and being that I'm bilingual I make lots of trips back and forth to Latin America to train and supervise medical techs who Maintain and work on our equipment because you know when someone buys a million dollar scanner from GE

[16:54] You must also buy the service contract or we won't sell it to them It's only logical we have to maintain our equipment to certain standards So every big city in Latin America has a GE medical maintenance staff and office. So that's my background and here's my question Has nothing to do with hospitals or medical equipment. Please give me some insight How is it that every Latin American city I've ever been to and I've been to 20 or so They have a Russian massage parlor Though not necessarily specifically called a Russian massage parlor in a title But an upscale massage parlor nevertheless where all the women the masahistas are beautiful Russian women You know light-skinned thin tall usually blonde or light brown hair

[17:39] What I mean to say is in Latin America There's some kind of syndicate of Russian massage parlors staffed by pure Russian ladies on top of that Johnny Every Latin American city I've ever been to also has a nightclub or two staffed by solely Russian girls Russian strippers now, don't get me wrong I don't want to make it sound that I'm that kind of guy that I hang out in those places Just out for a good time or a happy ending with a Russian girl Nope, sometimes you actually want to go and get a legitimate massage from a registered therapeutic Masahista, so you go to a higher-end massage parlor because that's where the professionals are sure in Latin American cities There are massage parlors everywhere mostly seedy ones the massage parlors in the cheaper senior sections of town

[18:27] And well, you know, they're just basically bordellos But what if you want or need on occasion to soothe some aching body parts just a straight no-nonsense massage so you go to a nicely appointed massage parlor in a nicer section of town and you find that it seems to be a Coincidence that Russians seem to have cornered a certain segment of the industry the high-end segment because I've noticed these are deluxe high-class super clean nicely decorated hygienic places and those Russian lady strip clubs are expensive to guys with money frequent those places No riff-raff also found in the nicer areas of cities and towns in Latin America again Not usually having their name of Russian anything in the title, but that's what you get when you walk in so Johnny

[19:13] What's your take on that by the way? I was told by a Russian guy who works at one of those massage parlors that Russian girlfriends are the best girlfriends in the world Until the money runs out that was kind of a warning to be aware of Russian women. They're gold diggers Obviously, they're not all gold diggers, but they can be converted into gold diggers quite easily All right me Johnny here now fact is I knew a girl a Latina girl nice girl who worked as a front-desk receptionist at one of those high-end Russian massage parlors in Guatemala City was in a high-rise business tower In a wealthy mixed business and residential area called Avonita America's a man Did she tell me the stories she said as she got to know all the Russian girls They all wanted to come to America or Canada first, but they couldn't get visas

[20:02] So they ended up in Latin America in their case Guatemala because to get a travel visa to Canada or the state You have to go to the Canadian or US Embassy Show that you have a job and you have a credit and credit cards a decent bank account, etc Young Russian girls just don't qualify. They don't have all that However in Latin American countries at least before the Russian-Ukraine war It was quite easy for a Russian or Eastern European to get a visa to visit as a tourist pretty much any Latin American country and of course the Russians that owned these night clubs and massage parlors in Latin America would Recruit the ladies in Russia and most times they really didn't know what they were in for but they knew they were getting out of Russia With an ultimate stepping stone in their minds anyway to the US Which by the way almost never happens they end up pretty much as indentured servants at these massage parlors and strip clubs

[20:54] With the owner picking them up at the airport and confiscating their passports and there really isn't anything they can do about it Anyway, that Latina receptionist I was telling you about told me the woman in charge of that particular massage part was a beautiful but very strict Russian lady who was once working at a Russian strip club in Guatemala herself Only to be rescued by a guy who fell in love with her a fat ugly rich Guatemalan guy In fact, I've seen the guy he looks like a human bowling pin He promised this lady he'd marry her and set her up in a nice business and that business turned out to be this Russian massage Part oh and another thing this young Latina lady the receptionist told me that at any time night or day There'd be a big black SUV Mercedes or Tahoe with a couple of bodyguards double parked in front with a deputado a

[21:44] Congressman and even errant entitled sons of the president and vice president showing up without an appointment to get a massage and often She said those political dirtbags wouldn't even pay their bill. They felt so entitled They go and get their massage their happy ending Whatever and head back down to their government offices to do what they do best I don't have to tell you sit on their dead asses and look for more ways to steal public funds So yes, there definitely is a trade here in Latin America in Russian women only since the Russian-Ukraine war Most all Latin countries for the past few years and have pretty much killed the tourist visa business for Russian ladies or Russian anybody So although those Russian massage parlors and strip joints certainly are still in existence The supply of new young Russian ladies has dwindled to the point

[22:32] They've started hiring beautiful Colombian and Venezuelan women to fill in the gap by the way, those types of businesses much prefer Venezuelan women because coming from a completely failed society and Unable to go back to the country under any circumstance They're desperate for work and will accept a lot more abuse from their bosses and clients Plus their paperwork is generally not in order and when it expires They can't get it renewed because the Venezuelan government is not doing that anymore by the way I mentioned in this show and past shows my gringo expat friend ex corrupt Boston cop Bob Who lives about half time in the DR and half time in Medellin, Colombia now? He's about I'd say 65 years old in really good shape goes to the gym every day

[23:18] I mean really good shape for his age man. I'd say he's in the top maybe one or two percent So he is not an unattractive guy He's also sort of a horny sex addict kind of guy who's been on a couple of those so-called swinger Cruises, you know, or maybe you don't know they're cruises specifically for swinging couples sex addicts and sexually promiscuous people anyway, Bob's been on a couple of those cruises with a 30-something Latina girlfriend a lawyer who somehow he's persuaded to go along with that kind of stuff He said she'd never been on a cruise before and that was hugely enticing In fact, he told me probably only one in 10,000 Latinos has ever been on a cruise They just can't afford it and because Latinos consider a crew is basically a super luxury item

[24:04] She instantly agreed and the part about it being a swinger crew as well He basically worked that into the conversation at a later date So obviously he's got some wild stories to tell and he's not shy about telling him either So stay tuned for some of that upcoming in future shows Anyway, as mentioned he spends a lot of time in Medellin, Colombia And he recently told me that in the gringoized area of Medellin called Pablo That's the high-end sort of expensive area of Medellin lots of nice hotels restaurants Where basically all the gringos go to hang out to search out those famously beautiful Colombian women now Pablo also has some pretty extensive and safe public parks where in late afternoon and early nighttime the

[24:50] Prostitutes and street walkers come out in force and he told me there's a battle going on a subtle battle between the Colombian ladies of the night and the Venezuelan Ladies of the night where the Colombian girls have their own particular park and stakeout and a few blocks down the Venezuelan prostitutes have their stakeout and Bob tells me the way it works out the Competition for clients is fierce the Venezuelan girls charge about half the price says the Colombian because of course It's not their country. They're more desperate and everyone's got to eat now beauty wise and as for who's more sexy Bob says neither one out does the other they're pretty much the same and he says of course the average gringo who speaks Almost no Spanish doesn't know the difference between a Colombian or Venezuelan unless she comes out and tell

[25:37] However, he said a Colombian girl will stick to her price in a Venezuelan girl We're barter her price way down low again out of desperation now believe me I'm not recommending any of this stuff Remember the name of this show is the expat files living in Latin America So that kind of info is just another off-color slice of living here in Latin America And of course, it's not the kind of info you're gonna hear on any other expats show But do know lots of gringos and expats who go to Medellin Colombia and Colombia in general get rolled by those prostitutes Even the so-called nice girls they meet on the dating sites can have bad intent So bottom line going to Colombia just to scout out women is not recommended Even if you're fluent in Spanish and think you're a hotshot many if not most eligible Colombian women look at gringos and expats as gullible

[26:25] Easy marks yep, they're jaded all right, but it was American gringo males who set the stage for that all right now Let's talk about something that comes up quite often when you're talking to tourists I'm not talking about permanent expats now But mostly when you're talking with a tourist who ends up down here in Latin America for a week or two I've had many a tourist say to me Johnny You know I really would love to live down here in Latin America But man from what I hear about how corrupt governments are how arbitrarily they enforce the law How you could end up in the slammer and they'll throw away the key how cops etc will expect the bribe money Those kinds of rumors and such will keep the average tourists from coming down here permanently and having a plan B Oh, they'll come down and visit Costa Rica can't coon the tourist spots

[27:11] But most can't see themselves coming down permanently just too many bad stories too many negatives Mostly when it comes to crime and law enforcement etc so the question is is it such a negative for you and me that in most of Latin America many laws are just a suggestion and Enforcing the law is spotty if non-existent in many cases. I say it's a case of the glass half full It's actually a positive thing in many respects Though yes, it's true every Latin country Congress Actively passes and piles on more laws each year they just love copying the thousands of new stupid ass laws coming out of the USA and Here in Latin America those new laws they pile on all the time almost never get enforced

[27:57] While the enforcement of old existing laws is just sort of a weak suggestion So how are you supposed to deal with that if you're trying to establish a successful plan B? I mean, we're all looking for continuity right stability and that whole scenario somehow doesn't fit the stability bill The fact that laws are so spotty or haphazardly enforced though on a positive note a very positive note Tax evasion in Latin America is not a crime It's not even thought of as a misdemeanor in the imagination of almost any Latino You could say that that tax evasion here like cheating on your spouse is a national pastime Can you really blame the people though since Latin American governments repeatedly default on their loans? Devalue their currency to nothing take out huge IMF loans and start projects

[28:45] They never finish steal the money and lie about where it went That's why here in Latin America the black economy the underground off the books economy That is functions as a parallel system to the tax-based one, and it's often more efficient than the formal one as well So Latin American countries are genuinely dysfunctional However, if you've noticed if you're in a wealthier area of a Latin American City things work They work fine But we're talking about maybe only 5% of the area in any Latin American City in the other 95% the infrastructure sucks Public services suck the cops and law enforcement are a joke But it also means that the common man has learned to operate outside of the system for example take Argentina once the richest and top Producing country in all of Latin America. It's a country that it's experienced eight sovereign defaults eight

[29:36] Then in 2001 they confiscated the currency They froze all bank accounts and all the dollar deposits were converted to pesos which were then devalued by government decree and since the 1990s the yearly inflation rates in Argentina have periodically exceeded 100% annually so the general population which has some very bright people Created a very sophisticated informal financial structure and underground off the books economy to deal with that ongoing crisis For example, did you know the Argentines hold more US dollars per capita than any other population outside the United States? And they don't keep that dough in banks They understand the mechanics of currency debasement and what happens when you have your money in the bank

[30:24] Because they've lived through such crises Repeatedly, so what do they do when they have a little extra cash in dollars? They don't use banks, but they buy farmland real assets and foreign currency not because they've read the wealth of nations or any economics books But because their own personal experience has taught some very hard lessons So bottom line having real assets in a politically stable Latin American country is one of the best Plan B options instead of thinking like most gringle visiting tourists that Latin America is just too financially and legally unstable well Don't think of a plan B option in Latin America as a risky move instead You should look at the advantages of their having weak and lazy Governments and how Latin American lawyers are adept at managing all the many loopholes that allow you to pay little or no tax

[31:14] So again, if you want Latin America to be your best plan B option You should maybe think about buying a house or apartment since compared to the states in Europe real estate prices down here are a steal That is if you're not looking to buy anything on the gringo tourist trail You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America. Thanks for tuning in You know, there's a whole community of people out there like you thinking of getting the hell out of dodge If you go to expat plan B calm, you'll see the full show archive It's the home base for the show by the way, if you need to do a one-on-one Consultation with me just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Oh and for another uncensored take on life down here in Latin America from business to relationships and everything in between

[32:03] Including the scheduling of my kind of hand-holding unconventional tours through Latin America. Just check out Rico Unchained.com. See you next time and stay sharp